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Archive for the ‘Depressed’ Category

Another trip

Another trip

Which one is better either live unhappily for rest of the life or take a trip of hell. Who will answer this question? The doctor – I don’t think so, the philosopher – they don’t have any idea in this field, the psychologist – No, for them this is the first time case, they can’t handle. It is a very difficult question to answer. But we have to solve.

How we deicide final answer among multiple choice question? There are two ways to answer the question

Either

Either

•1)      you know the answer

or

•2)       you can guess

 Certainly, for this question we don’t know answer. So only option we have is to guess the answer.  We have choices

•1)      Remain unhappy

•2)      Make a trip to hell

Both answers are complex. We must have to analyze the choices before reaching to the final result. First choice:  remain unhappy for next of the life. It seems a good choice. It is always better to do something for the people. Do something for yourself, it will make you happy. It is difficult to find motivation for working but work done with motivation is not a sacred act. The true work is the one in which you don’t expect any thing as GITA says. GITA also says there must be passion for work. There must be motivation for work. No, GITA is not correct. In my case, I don’t have motivation but still I want to work. I want to work for my happiness. Hey, my happiness is my selfishness not the motivation. I don’t have courage to make a trip for hell. Life is beautiful as a person says. Sacred act should always be done without expectations and without motivation. That is static state of human. First option seems to be goo for me. I know there is a lot of pain in this choice. But pain is a part of life.

Now come to second choice:  make a trip to hell. Hell has a very bad name in the society. I don’t want to make a trip for hell. If I will make a trip then it will cause a great problem for my parents. By the way the way those who makes trip of hell don’t write all this. They simply take Rajdhani Express ticket and go in AC Chair Car. I want to travel in “Junta Express” by general coach. Junta express is slow train and reaches to destination always late. I want to delay my journey. I know delayed journey always causes a lot of unhappiness. But what can I do? I have to take care of my parents. They have some fame in society. They are dependent on me. Their life is associated with me. I don’t want anybody to go by Rajdhani express. Once you take a ticket of Junta express you will find unhappy life becomes enjoyable. This is the beauty of general class compartment. There are a lot of vendors always coming. Moongfali wala, pepsi wala, egg wala. They will all make your life enjoyable. People always keeps talking.

For the sake of everybody it seems this option is advantageous. I know this option will require a lot of courage, a lot of energy. I know only God can provide sufficient energy.

Dedication: some emotions which forced

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Rotten but Big

Rotten but Big

It was evening time. Shopkeepers closed their shop. People came from village for marketing forwarded their steps towards their home. It was around 3 Km distance from market to village. Some of the villagers use their bicycles and some of them generally go on foot.

 Chunni Babu and Govind Ram finished their marketing and left for their village. Generally both goes on foot and enjoy the conversations during walking. There is nothing better than walking and talking. If any body wants to learn this technique then straight away go talk Chunni Babu. Oh, he does not have mobile.

Hey Govind Ji what you bought today from the market?  It seems your bag is full,”Chunni Babu asked.”

Govind Ji – Nothing Chuuni Babu, it is just some items for Holi. My kids were insisting on sweets that’s why i bought some sugar and other stuffs. Nothing more.

Chunni Babu – oh, your wife knows how to make sweets. My wife does not know cooking at all. My kids were also saying for sweets.

Govind Ji – why not you buy sweets from market?

Chunni Babu – yes, Govind ji from the next time i will buy from market.

They were walking and talking. A young man passed on cycle. Behind this young man another Cycle walla passed with a very fast speed.

Govind Ji – hey, Chunni Babu see the young generation. I don’t understand why these guys go so fast on the bicycle. What is the point of riding fast? Life should always be slow.

Chunni Babu – this is young generation Govind Ji, they don’t have time for any thing. They need everything fast. They need fast results. Perhaps you don’t know there are a lot of research is going in the field of pregnancy. They want process of pregnancy to be fast. They need child in 7 months. Have you read the today’s newspaper?

Govind Ji – No Chunni Babu, i am not a educated person. In my family no body knows how to read. What ever people say i believe on that. I don’t have any idea of research.

Chuuni Babu – ok , in the today’s newspaper there is a very important news. Every body is talking about that and you don’t have any information. That’s why you are old. The news is related to research in the field of pregnancy. The new generation of researcher came with some new results. They are successful in getting 8 months baby. A group of researcher is claiming that their research will soon able to get baby in 7 months, and then there will be saving of two months.

Govind ji – hey Chunni Babu, that is correct that there will be saving of two months. But you don’t think that the quality of child would not be so good. They will be weak.  They will be defeated by everybody. I don’t like this type of research.

Chunni Babu – you are from old generation that’s why you think like that. See, Govind ji, young generation don’t have time. That’s why every body is running. Either it is cyclist or it is the pregnancy hospital. One another cyclist crossed the road with a great speed.

Govind Ji – see, this Guy, i know him. He does not do anything. He is full time free young. i dont understand why he always ride fast. I know after reaching the home he has nothing to do. He will just take rest and then sleep. I say it is always better that go slow. Keep thinking in the way. Thinking always makes you well balanced person. I have not taken any school. I learned all this just by thinking. Why not these guys enjoy the riding, why not they look at these trees, why not they stay for a while and keep look on the sun set. They should to pay attention on path.

Chunni Babu – See, Govind Ji, for these youths path is not important. For them distance travelled is very important. They don’t care how they covered the distance.

Govind Ji – hey Chunni Babu, this is not correct. If they will not take care of quality then how they will enjoy the journey. Reaching the village is not the goal. Goal should be walking in a entertain way. It is the path which gives happiness; it is not the goal which translates in happiness. These guys are in misconception. See, Chunni Babu, We go by walking and talking. Do you think is there anything enjoyable than this in this world. I still remember all those days when i and you were walked together. Journey is the best part of life.

Chunni babu – see, Govind Ji, these Young men has a lot of competition. They are not like us. They have to travel a lot. In the process of travelling they keep concentrating on quality and enjoyment also. What ever enjoyment they get, they are happy from that. Present philosopher says this as living in present. This is true that quality of these kids will be not so good. But what they can do. Every body is doing the same and that’s why these youths are following the same.

Govind Ji – See, Chunni Babu I don’t say the distance travelled is not important. It is always good to travel as much as you can in the initial period of journey but as soon you have idea of world you should to travel only the selected places. At the end of the day you only remembers the good places.

Dedicated to : my style of writing

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Outburst

Outburst

Nobody will help you when you will need? I need a job. I have a good degree. But every company ask for reference. What this fuck is? I am working hard from last twenty five year, so that at the end of education career i have show the reference letter for a ass crap job. Why not they told me, that i have to arrange letter of reference first for the job. Knowledge is not important. If they would have told me earlier then i must have tried to arrange reference letter from the from the class one.

 What this fuck is who kept me in the dark and at the end of education career they ask for reference letter. I am not going to arrange reference letter. I am not a beggar. i am utter egoist. Why i will beg in front of some one? It is always better to remain jobless rather than begging to some one else.

Even if i beg for reference letter i know clearly no body is going to help. People are there only to say do this, do this and then do that and you will get a job. And once you start doing, what ever they say you are fucked up. You will do this that and later you will find they left from the back. When you see back to ask what i should to do now till that time you have lost one more friend. This is called modern cultural help. Help in a modified and technical way. I say be careful to technical help. It is better to not get a job rather than doing this and doing that. Almost i have changed ten times my resume in doing this and doing that.

What a fuck this is. You study for job and at the end when you apply, every body ask for reference. Multinational company ask for work permit. No body is going to accommodate you. Who cares about what knowledge you have? How you contribute to their company?  It does not matter at all. First you arrange you reference letter and wok permit then you will get job.

Now i under stood why every body is paying more attention for reference letter rather than knowledge. They know the truth from the very beginning. I am completely failed in the education career.

But what can i do. I was not having money; i did not know tips and tricks of the world that’s why i failed in the course of life. i know these are only the lame excuses.

 I wanted to live a good life. Who does not? I want to live alone. Who wants to live in crowd? I don’t want money. Who wants money? I want to see the world. Who does not want? I have desire. I dream.

Don’t dream sleep without dream.

 Wheter you believe or not. Every body is selfish. They just wanted their work to be done. I learned a great lesson before time. One time my father said

Dedication : NSS, we need immigration

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Towards hell

Towards hell

Please don’t read, it may cause bad impact on your mind

What is point of keep crying for those acts that was not in our control? Who teaches us to look happiness in others? Happiness is a part of every soul and it should come from core of the heart. What is the point of associating happiness from others? We came alone and we have to search our happiness. Why we become sad as soon as we know some body deceives us? Why not we taught to live alone like western culture? Whose mistake is that we keep searching our happiness is relation? Why not we believe only in one relation; the relation of God? Why not we taught from very beginning that God is our mother, God is our father, God is our husband and God is our lover. Only one relation in place of hundred artificial relations.

God relation never broke. He does not expect any thing. It is our choice how much we take from him. Even this relation broke down we will get unhappiness only one time. Always, profit in relationship.

 Our beloved deceived, we become unhappy, our father dies, we become unhappy, our mother leaves the world, we become unhappy, our sister married we become unhappy. Why not we get all these unhappiness only one time? Single time pain is always better than pain in parts.

Society is the criminal who teaches us indirect way of getting happiness. It is the society which tells us that happiness lies in relation. From the very childhood we are taught to search happiness in mothers lap. Who is this mother to decide our happiness? Is she takes our permission to associate our happiness with her. No she does no ask. She gets happiness from child. Every body only cares to himself. Where ever you go selfishness. No relation is pure. Selfishness is the utter truth. You will not agree becuse you don’t want to see the real picture.

  Society makes our character. We become like that in which society we are born. If this society who teaches us getting happiness from the relation. I ask a simple question. Why not the same society teaches us to stand alone when all the relation dies? Why we become depressed and sad? There is a fault in society.  Or there is a fault in our understanding. But i am hundred percent sure there is a fault. It is also possible that we are having a lack of knowledge. But i am 100% sure there is a reason which makes us unhappy.

People boast our culture is best. I don’t agree. I know you will not agree with my disagreement. What is the point of a society in which son lives his life for father, a husband play around a wife, a brother keeps working for sister. Why not a person lives for himself? You will say happiness comes from responsibility. I agree.

 But why not you take greater responsibility for the shake of world. Like Buddha. Why you are happy with smaller happiness? Why not go for bigger happiness? No you will not take, you are clever. Your argument that happiness comes from responsibility is just for the shake of your self. You want to make yourself happy that’s why you say that happiness comes from responsibility.

Expectation always results in unhappiness. How to come out of an unhappy state? I know unhappiness is bad. Medical scientist says that sadness and unhappiness cuts your age of life. But what is the point of living the hundred year unhappy life. It is always better to shorten your age by taking help of sadness. Unhappiness and utter sadness makes you to feel that there is no point of life. You losses interest in life.

 From this platform of you can see every as toy created by God. No meaning of anything. Thanks God i saw the movie so early in life. Generally, adults are not allowed to see this movie. Only 70 years old grand pa is allowed to watch the movie, but i saw on my personal computer; in the darkness of night. Oh, such a wonderful movie, i am in utter happy mood now.

Why people work so much? What is point of getting so much money, what is point of making so much relation, what is the point of so much busy life? I know all these are for getting happiness. Why not people take a free ticket and watch the movie of life.

Thanks God that these guys are in dark. Don’t show them other side of life. As soon as they will see the other part of life they will loose their patience to work.

Dedication: Movie CHINICUM, Masud. Julie friend and tarun

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Guilt

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Guilt

 Did he did sex with some one? Did he addict to wine? Did he hurtled somebody? No, these are not the reason. Then, why he is feeling guilty. Is there any way so that he can come out of this stage of mind? There must be some way. Why not he goes to Ganga at Varanasi and takes a holy bath. Mother Ganga washes all the guilt in a moment.

Every morning he tries to start a fresh a journey of life. But as soon as he reaches to his lab he starts to feel like previous days. He is a Phd student at university of Calgry, Canada. His professor is very nice. He is surviving just because he got a very good professor. If some body else would be there then he has been fired till date.

 Professor has been given some task to him. He is trying to finish the task from last two month but still not able to finish. He knows the task is not very tough. He can finish his work in two days, if his mind allows him to work. But his mind is not at his place. Not, it is not the mind it is the heart which left his place. Problem is with his heart. Mind only feel that there is some problem in his heart. As long as mind feels that there are some problems, he does not feel like to work.

One can understand his situation only if some one gone through the same stage of drama. For a fresh heart there is no point of all these guilt. He does not want to work. No problem, there are a lot of people who does not work. They work only for getting their food. Why he is feeling guilty for not working. He is feeling guilt because he thinks with mind. He knows he has been given a task to finish. His heart is broken but mind is still fresh. People don’t work with heart. All the technical work requires mind. No from today he will start working.

He goes to university keeping tag “he will start working from today” in his pocket. But as soon as he opens his books and computer, he starts writing blog in place of writing technical paper. What a drama? He wants to write technical paper. But his heart forces him to write emotional paper. He knows very clearly that these emotional papers have no meaning. No body is going to read these junk papers. Life does not go with these emotional papers.

He still remembers his child hood. One day he was reading some story book, his father scolded him. Don’t read these stories. Life does not go with story. We need money and money comes from technical education. His father makes a laugh saying to his mother “your son will be a poet.” He still remembers. No he will concentrate on technical aspect of life. Emotional stuffs are over today itself.

This is not one day story. This is a story of last two month. Every day he wants to start his technical paper but always ends with emotional paper. He feels guilty because he is in capture of emotions. He feels guilt because he knows these emotions is not going to pay for his parents. He feels guilt because he knows that his career is going in dark. He feels guilt because his friends think that he is a fool. He feels guilt because his professor expects a lot from him. He feels guilt because he is not doing fair to himself.

But what can he do?  He is broken heart. A broken heart has not right to feel happy. He has to feel guilty. He is happy that there is at least one person in this world, who knows my broken heart. She knows why he is not working. As long as she knows why he doesn’t working then he doesn’t care to the others. He doesn’t care to professor. He don’t care to my family, He don’t care to my friends. He don’t care to his career

If she will think that i am simply trying to steal from work by taking the help of broken heart. In that case seriously, he will feel guilty. He knows present guilt not bitter than that imaginary guilt. But he hopes that she will not feel like that.

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Joy of Unhappiness

Joy of Unhappiness

Who is the fool who write this type of title? My name is negative mind. My mother name is depression and sadness is my entertainment. Hey, negative mind why do you think negatively? Why do you want to remain unhappy and sad? Do you not see the world is full of enjoyment? Life is beautiful, awake and start enjoying the life. Life comes only once. At the end of your life your work is going to give you happiness, so don’t despair. Start doing something. Enjoy the life, enjoy your work,”the positive mind suggested.”

 Who are you to give me the suggestion of, “the negative mind questioned.”

I am your brother; i am your well wisher. I can’t see you unhappy. I wanted every mind to be happy,”the positive mind replied.”

 But why you want me to be happy? Why you say that i should not be sad.” There must be some selfishness hidden inside.

Hey negative you are becoming mad. Every mind in this world wanted to be happy. God made the mind to achieve the utter goal the happiness.” Why are so much consistent to be remain unhappy, “the positive mind replied.”

No you are lying. It is not truth that we were created for getting happiness. We are created for giving our best gift to the world. We were not created for getting happiness, “negative mind replied.”

 Hey negative you are trying to prove bad thinking by logics. Every body knows that natural tendency of mind to be happy.

No, i don’t agree,”Negaitve mind replied.” I will prove that it is not the natural tendency of mind. We made this tendency for our selfishness.  Let us start all from the very beginning. Do you remember you birth, “negative asked.”

Yes, not only mine i also remember your birth. We both were born as a twin. And perhaps you know i am your elder brother. I am always guiding you from childhood as a elder brother, “positive mind replied.

 You are elder this does not mean your logic is every time correct. See, when we were born we were not knowing what happiness is? And how unhappiness comes?  Can you recall, “Negative asked?”

Yes, i remember that’s why when mother scolded we did not felt bad. We were not having the concept of happiness and unhappiness in those periods, “positive mind replied.”

That’s good. Then how do you say today that we have to be happy any how? Why do you suggest me to search for happiness? Why do you say world is full of cute babes. Why do you say? Negative mind questioned.

I am saying just because to make you happy. This is way by which every body getting happiness. This is the culture. You don’t know about the western people how much happiness they are getting. I know you are broken. But it does not mean that life is full of sorrow and misery. Start leaving the life you will find happiness and satisfaction. Positive mind argued.

No it’s not your happiness. It’s your culture happiness. You are making business between happiness and unhappiness. Your culture has taught you that you have to be happy. It is the culture which is guiding you. Suppose you have taken birth on some other planet, where people love to be unhappy. Then i know in that case than you were vouching for unhappiness. I know you are very selfish. You manipulate your opinion to make your self happy. It is not the happiness which makes you happy but it is your attitude associated with happiness makes you happy. I say if you will try to associate your value with the unhappiness; you will get the same satisfaction at the end of the day. But i know you are not going to follow all this. Walking on a different path always requires a lot of patience, a lot of motivation and a lot of pain. No body wants to be in pain. I don’t say you take the pain. I only request you please don’t vouch that happiness is the natural tendency of mind. Leave the unhappy mind to be happy by thinking that he is also living the natural life. Negative mind outbrusted.

As you wish, life is yours “Positive mind left.”

Dedication : Negative attitide

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will you be happy

As i was thinking i came across a strange question. one day, i was chatting with a girl. she is polite and nice by nature. she is good. we were talking about marriage. i asked one question to her, when and to whom , you are going to marry? she replied, i dont know. i will not writing more about her. i kept the conversastion on with her. After some time she replied, i dont know to whom, i am going to marry but one thing sure, i will try to keep my husband happy. She replied in a sympathetic tone. i was not able to gather much from that sentence and her expression (which is my hobby). but i kept thinking about that moment. here i am discussing about happiness.
well my question is that will her husband will remain happy if he will know that her wife is trying to make him happy. I dont know about other but personally i am a very egoistic creature of GOD. if i will be knowing that somebody is trying to make me happy then i will become unhappy. Happiness coming from somebody is not your happiness. your happiness should come from your inside. your happiness is yours. If you are exchainging the happiness then that is the other issue. i support and accept that. but one sided happiness is not a happiness at all. this is just a business. personally i will feel bad as soon as i know that somebody is tring to make me happy. My happiness is my own and i want to make it my own. if i cannot make it then i will feel good with unhappiness too. Because unhappiness is also a state of happiness it is just the mind that draw a line between happiness and unhappiness.bye brother

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