After a long time

Iam delhi working in L&T Ramboll..   now a days I dont have any desire to write any thing… I read a lot these days ..  life seems has no meaning..  fighting with life..   mind is becoming cool.. my boss is thr i cant write any more.. bye

गुनाह

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अगर मैं मर ही गया तो
गुनाह किसको लगेगा
अपने आप को
बिल्कुल नही मैं तो वहीँ करूंगा
जो वक़्त कहेगा
और वक़्त के साथ चलने वाले
गुनाहगार कैसे हो सकते हैं।

मेरी जिन्दगी मे दो ही लडकी आयी है
एक तो वो जो दोस्त हैं
और दुसरी वो जो प्रेमिका हैं।

अब ना तो दोस्त को दोस्त कहने का मन है
ना प्रेमिका को प्रेमिका
दोनो ने ही मुझसे खेला हैं
बाज़ार का खिलोना हूँ
शायद उनको भी पता है

एक ने खिलोने से खेला हैं
तो दुसरे ने खिलौने को
अपना बना के
कुछ दिनों तक झेला हैं

मैं खुदा ना खास्ते अगर दुनिया से कुछ करता हूँ
जो कि मैं करने नही जा रहा
तो दोनो के सर इलज़ाम लगता हूँ
प्रेमिका को ७० प्रतिशत
और मित्र को बाकी ३० प्रतिशत
का हिसाब लगाता हूँ
और अगर थोड़ी बहुत शरम है किसी मे
तो उधेर नरक मे ही
एक और बिस्तर का इंतजाम कराता हूँ

मगर मुझको पता है
मैं इधेर भी अकेले हूँ
और उधेर नरक मे और भी अकेले रहूँगा
यहीं सोच के
इधेर धरती पे ही मजमा लगाऊँगा
जो भी हो जैसे भी हो
जिन्दगी जिस रुप मे आएगी
वैसे ही अपनाऊँगा ।

खडे रहो

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कभी सोचता हूँ जिंदा कयोंहूं
मरता कयों नही
फिर गौर करता हूँ
तो लगता है मैं तो जिंदा लाश ही हूँ

लोगों को चलता फिरता दिखता हूँ
लोगों को हँसता खेलता दिखता हूँ
मैं तो जिन्दगी कि पनाह मे
हर रोज एक गुनाह करते दिखता हूँ

कोई उपाय नही
कोई रास्ता नही
सोचता बहुत हूँ
जिन्दगी को समझाता बहुत हूँ
मगर जिन्दगी के इस मुकाम पे
दिमाग का ज़ोर नही चलता है
दिल का बोलबाला हैं और
रोज जिन्दगी का एक नया मज़ामा लगता हैं ।

जिन्दगी कि कोई आश नही
धन दौलत कि प्यास नही
ऐशो आराम का शौक़ नही
मरने से खौफ नही

फिर भी मैं मरूंगा नही
मरूंगा कयों
अकेले खड़ा रहूँगा
दिखा दूंगा दुनिया को
अकेले कि जिन्दगी
रोता रहूँगा मगर
अपने ही क़दमों मे
जकडा रहूँगा

मैं हारा

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मैं हर दम ही हारा
बचपन से ले के जवानी तक
बस हारा ही हारा
बचपन खोया
सोचा जवानी मे मस्ती होगी
दिन रात एक किया
पढ़ाई कि
लिखाई कि
बोझ उठाये
जवानी का सज़ा धजा रथ बनाया
मगर ये कया जब रथ का एक पहिया देखा तो
मैं एक बार फिर हार

एक पहिये ने मुझे धोखा दिया
मुझे नही पता था
ये पहिया किसी और कि है
जब किसी और कि थी
तो फिर मेरी गड्डी मे आयी कयों
और आयी भी तो मुझे
पहले बतायो कयों नही
मुझे धोखे मे रखा
और जब पता चला तोमैं हारा ही हारा

मेरे पास आंसू के सिवा कुछ और नही
जिन्दगी ज़ीने मे कोई दम नही
कैसे कहूं पापा मम्मी को
कैसे कहूं भाई बहन को कोमुझसे कुछ बोला नही जाता
मुझसे कुछ कहा नही जातामैं कहने से भी हारा

बहुत सोचता हूँ
उसके बाद ज़ीने कि चाहत बनाता हूँ
एक बार जोश के साथ दिन कि शरुआत करता हूँ
कथा कहानी पढने के सिवा और अब कुछ कर भी नही सकता
सो दिन कट जाता है पढने मे
मगर रात को फिर वहीँ सवाल
रात को फिर वहीँ बिसाद
मैं बीसादो और अबसादो को सोच सोच के हारा
दो ही रास्ता है
या तो आत्म हत्या
या तो जिन्दगी को रो रो के जीना
आत्महत्या करने का साहस नही
रो रो के ज़ीने का मन नही
किसी से सहानुभूति कि इच्छा नही
बस मई यहीं सब सोच सोच के हारा
सच पूछिये तो मुझे लिखने का भी मन नही
लिखता हूँ बस जिन्दगी काटने के लिए
लिखता हूँ और पूछता हू कि
मैं कयों लिखता हूँ
मेरे लिखने का औचित्य कया हैं
मगर मैं तो इस प्रश्न के
जवाब से भी हारा

मैं हर दम ही हारा

Thinking of thinking?

Here is a simple question. Why are you reading my blog? Your answer might be include
I am reading for
1. Entertainment
2. Networking
3. To enhance my knowledge
4. Or ego satisfaction
I don’t know what is the exact reason for your reading? But hope it will be something similar to above options. Well, I assume that option no. 3 i.e. To enhancing knowledge is your case. I again repeat my question, “Why you want to enhance your knowledge?” Alternative goes like this
1. To become a good person
2. To share the knowledge
3. To test whether are you on right path or on wrong path
Well, I assume the first option i.e. to become a good person is the case with you. But I am not going to stop here. I ask once again, “Why you want to be a good person?” your answer may include
1. To get happiness
2. To live a good life
3. Not to harm anybody
That’s good. I assume you wanted to be a good person for the shake of getting happiness. Once again I ask,”why you want to get happiness?” This time there is only one answer i.e. getting happiness is the aim of life that’s why you are looking for happiness.
Well, what is the point of asking why and why and then why till you did not get to the final conclusion i.e. happiness. It is just a symbolic discussion. Life is full of why and why? There are only two kind of person in this world first one don’t ask why and the second keep asking why of why. The one who keep asking why of why reach to the goal of happiness and the one who does not take care of why’s looses interest in life.
Why of why or thinking of thinking is very important in life. What ever you do, you do after a lot of thinking. But that is not sufficient; you have to think one more time i.e. you have to think why you are thinking like that. The second thinking supersedes the first thinking. This is the assumption of above logic. It is possible that second thinking might be wrong or of no worth, but this does not mean you don’t have to think second time. To be more specific, let us take an example. You go to a shoe store. There are a lot of shoes. Shoes from Bata, shoes from Tata and shoes from Fata. How do you decide which company you are going to choose? Very simple you think. Think in terms of money and comfort and then choose. Is this thinking sufficient? No, this thinking is not sufficient. You have to think why you want to wear a shoe? Is shoe necessary? If others are wearing a shoe then I have to follow them blindly? Is shoe business eco-friendly? All this type of question keeps coming if thinking goes on.What is the conclusion? Very simple!!!! Think about think. Keep asking why of why. It will help you to choose simplest path to reach the goal among the thousand of complex path.

packet of happiness

Moggo was one of the best students of spiritual guru Laotsey. Moggo worked very hard to get happiness in his life. He was meditating day and night for God realization. God realization was the last aim of his life. God is everything for him. Where ever he went, he kept thinking about God. God realization was his dream, God realization was his happiness.
One day, Moggo said to guru Laotsey, hey my master now I want to start my holy pilgrimage. God lives in the cave of Himalaya. I want to see them. Once I will be interviewed by the God, my life will be successful and I will be happy. Laotsey agreed. He said,”yes my son you can start your holy journey tomorrow itself. By the solar calendar it is a best date to start journey.
Next day the very morning Moggo was ready to start his journey. Moggo touched master’s feet. As a blessings Laotsey gave some miracle packets. Moggo asked,” what these packets contain?” Laotsey replied,” these are gift packet, what ever you want you can do.” Moggo was traveling and travelling. After two or three days walking he was tired. He asked to one farmer for one night stay. Farmer replied,” I am not a happy farmer, I don’t have much luxury to serve you, but what ever I have, I will do my best. Moggo replied,” I am a saint and I will be happy what ever you have. Moggo spent his night. He was very happy with farmer’s guest behavior. Next day morning, he said good bye to farmer and as a gift gave one of his packet. As soon as farmer opened the packet, he felt the miracle power of packet became happy.
Moggo was walking and walking. After two days walking, he again felt tired. He asked to one farmer for one night stay. Farmer agreed and said I am unhappy. Moggo replied,” I will adjust from what ever you have. The very next morning he gave one packet to farmer as a gift. This time again, farmer became happy just after opening the miracle packet.
During his journey, Moggo gave his packets one by one to farmer and reached to his destination. Now, he wanted to see the God. There was a watchman at God house. Watchman asked to Moggo,” who are you.” I am Laotsey student watchman replied politely.”
Watch man – why you want to see the God?
Moggo – God is my happiness and I want to get my happiness. God is my goal and I want to achieve my goal.
Watchman – Ok, Give me the packets which Laotsey gave to you.
Moggo – I already gave to the farmers and they are very happy after receiving them.
Watchman – You can see God only if you have those packets. But unfortunately you have given those packets to farmer. Now you lost the chance of realizing God and getting happiness. The happiness was hidden in those small packets, you never realized.

love or infaction

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Hey, my girl, I know
You are still waiting for me
No one is yours excepts me
You keep talking only about me
Your future is based on me;

Hey, my girl, I know
But, what can I do
The only thing which hurts me
Why you hide your past to me
Your past cost a lot to me
It takes my heart away from me
Hey, my girl, I know
I am doing wrong to you and me
No one is singing song with me
Every where I see only God and me
The crowd has no meaning to me

Hey, my girl, I know
I am making unhappy to you and me
Even if, you marry with me
Your past will make depressed to me
I am feeling like suppressed to me

Hey, my girl
I don’t have any option
Unhappiness was not my notion
Only God can write marriage caption
I know
It was true love not infaction.

Modify

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ohhh….. yeah…..
we started as friend
i fall in love
you noticed, but
You never took a move
i hesitated to accept
i was in love you suspect
You tried to ignore me
The more you ignored the more i loved
You were committed with some one
That’s why you don’t like other one
Very deep down to heart
You started to me love
I was hesitant to take a move
You accepted you love
I suspected you love
I said we are friends
You tried to clarify
I tried to modify
As a result love never solidify
Today I am alone
I know we are friend
I know i am alone
I know you love me
I know i love you
Still
I don’t knowhow will you modify
How will our love solidify.

नसीब

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ये नसीब तेरे से एक सवाल है
तुझे तो पता था कि मेरी जिन्दगी खुसी नही
फिर भी तुने कुछ और दुःख क्यों भर दिए
तुझे तो पता था कि मैं सबके साथ भी तनहा हूँ
फिर भी तुमने मुझे भिड़ से अकेला कयों कर दिया
तुझे तो पता था कि मैं बहुत मुश्किल से रास्ते पे चल रह हूँ
फिर भी तुने मेरी राहों मे कांटे कयों बिछा दिए

ये नसीब तू कया समझा मैं दर जाऊँगा
नही नसीब मैंने दुःख को ही ख़ुशी बाना लिया
मैंने तनहा को ही भिड़ बना लिया
मैंने काटो को ही फूल बना लिया
मैंने बदनसीब को ही अपना नसीब बना लिया .

जिंदा रहें

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मंजिलें ही खो जाये तो हम जिंदा कैसे रहें
जितना ही हार हो जाये तो हम जिंदा कैसे रहें
जब दर्द ही दवा हो जाये तो हम जिंदा कैसे रहें

रास्ता को मंज़िल बना के हम जिंदा कयों ना रहें
हार जीत का भेद भूला के हम जिंदा कयों ना रहें
दर्द के नशे मे चूर हो के हम जिंदा कयों ना रहें ।

expectation from wife

It is really tough question for me. What I expect from my wife? I don’t know the exact answer. If I know something today, that does not going to be remain constant till life. we changes with time. Our nature, our expectations, our choice changes as we become mature. Life is itself a lesson for learning. Change is the nature of human being. Although my expectations may change, as I become mature, still I have some basics expectations, which I don’t think is going to be drastically changed during time. I was having a desire to find a beautiful and handsome girl of my height. I was thinking of the girl should be so that we can walk and talk to each other where ever I go. Why of mine height. I was thinking that, we can walk keeping hands in hands. No other intension.. Hahahahaha. I thought that, she should not be extremely beautiful in that case I was facing a lot of problem due to the other audience. With that type of extremely beautiful girl where ever you go people keep gazing on you and your wife (although in western country nobody bothers and nobody pay attention on you but still in India there is a lot of problem for middle society) and result is that you are not going to enjoy the moments with your wife. You are not feeling natural. Felling natural is the utter aim of my life. So I imagined a girl that should be beautiful but not extremely beautiful.Many times my mother said “ Beta gori ladki se saadi karma nahi to bahut dikkat hogi’. I asked to my mother, what problem is going to be happened. She replied naturally ‘wo to tumko baad me pata chalega jab tumhari beti hogi” meaning I will be facing a lot of problem in marriage of my daughter as it will be going to be unfair if I marriage with a unfair complexioned (swanli) girl. Generally it happens that if you and your wife are fair your child will be fair, if every thing goes right. I thought mother is saying correct thing. When ever I discussed this topic with my mother, she replied always marry with a beautiful (for my mother beautiful means a gori girl) girl. So that in the society we will have a good image. My mother can say to others that my BAHU is very beautiful. People will praise to my mother. Perhaps this is the why my mother wanted to be fair girl for me. I also having a clear cut notion that I should to marry with at least a beautiful girl but not extermly beautiful. i want to remain simple, i want to enjoy naturally.

one thing

what I expect from love? First thing, I believe in truth. I don’t try to misguide anybody. So, anybody loving me must be truthful. Whatever the situation she must speak truth. Like if she is walking with a boy, or dating with a guy then after my asking question like what are you doing? she should have guts to say that she is walking with a boy, she is dating with some other guy. She should not say she is at home and watching television or any false answer. I think at that time when you are speaking false to me, this mean you either don’t love me or don’t have faith in me. Both the situation is not good for a good relationship. If you don’t have faith or you don’t have guts to speak the truth then you must not love to your love. Another thing, you must be able to find out what I like and what I don’t like. If I like writing, collecting photographs, talking with people, working with people, teaching to friends, etc. then you should be able to figure it out. It is easy to figure it out. After figuring it out I expect that you will be acting like those; that make me happy. Since, I believe to change myself according to girl to whom I love. I also expect a little from her. If she is not acting accordingly then still no problem with me. Because, sometime it is difficult to figure it out what I like and what I don’t like. I love to collect the memory, then she should also figure it out. Like, I love to collect photographs. She should also keep gathering some of photographs which I am not able to collect. May be that will be a good gift to me. Another thing if she loves me then she should be able to figure out what are the things which makes me happy. Because in love we wanted to find the way that can make happy to each other. Like for me I can easily figure out what are things which makes her happy. like chocolates, ice cream .. and many more which I can’t describe here… Some time I may not be be liking all these stuffs, still I start to like all these because thease are the things which makes her happy and ultimately her happiness makes happy to me.I am a very simple person. May be anybody lovimg me don’t like all these rubbish writings, and then still I will try to love her. I don’t expect anything from her, as long as she is faithful to me, then other things does not matters for me. I just want one thing she should be faithful towards me, and no other expectations. Whatever she is educated or not, whatever she cares me or not, whatever she is able to find out my interests or not, whatever she tries to make me happy or not.So, just if she is faithful to me, that is enough for me. I am more than happy. I don’t expect anything else.

feel easy

This is something personal but still I am writing with some modification. For the present context assume that I came into contact with a girl. I was with her for some time (around nine months). I started to feel attract toward her. Falling towards attraction is itself a long story, which I will describe later. Now a day when I am in Canada, many times she comes into my thinking and I start thinking about her. Perhaps it happens daily. When ever I come to lab I expect any mail from her. Basically I am waiting a mail from her. I also write mail to her. When she talks with me in a good manner I feel comfortable. But sometimes she behaves angrily then I started to feel not good. I don’t read that particular day. Whenever she bechaves angrily, I leave my work, go here and there and started to think whether I love her not. Is it just a infatuation. I also started to think, If I love what are the qualities in her which I like. Is she beautiful? What will happen if I say this to my mother or father? I also think whether she loves me or not. Is it good to marry with her? Will I remain satisfied if I marry her? I remain myself unanswered. I don’t satisfy myself 100% to accept her, but as soon as I imagine that she is going to marry with some body else, I don’t feel myself comfortable. I cannot imagine that she is going to marry with some other boy. I also not find myself 100% satisfied to marry her, but still at least I am satisfied 70% to 75%. May be in future my condition becomes good and I started to feel attracted up to more than 75%, if that happens then I will be 100% sure that I am going to marry with that girl. Because I know no one is going to 100% perfect. Whatever girl you are choosing there are some problem. If she is beautiful then she is not good in nature. If she is good by nature then may be she is not beautiful. If one is very educated then she might be very egoist. All this happens. But how can I convey all this to her. (That’s why I am writing here, to feel myself easy)

show happy

Many people assumes that level of satisfaction is directly related to the Material beauty, physical world. I dont say that they are wrong or right. I am just writing my views regarding the satisfaction.Once time Eienstien said ” You can enjoy your leasure only when you work hard”. Enjoyment of leasure certainly gives satisfaction to everybody. If you are enjoying your leasure in without asking any question to yourself like ‘what i am doning’, then I think you are satisfied. Many people at the time of enjoying the leasure keep strugglimg with himself. they keep asking whether they are enjoying or not. They just try to show the outer world that they are happiest person and most satisied. At this moment a incident comes to my mind. I, my friend Ramesh and Gaurav were attending the hall 1 hall-day (A celeberation)at IIIT Hyderabad. Every thing was looking nice. But we all three just feeling boring, just going here and there. Boring not because we don’t have friend circle. I think all of three having a great friend circle, but still all of us feeling boring. I ask a reason why? The answer is very typical we are having our presence at the party but our mind was some where else. We were thinking that all these party sarty business are formal. No body is touched with any body just they are acting like a machine in the party. They have to do some activities and they are acting in pre planned matter. At the same time Ramesh said that Hey Chandra (me) We will satrt acting like happy.I and Ojha agreed on the proposal. We all three started to acting in such a manner so that we are looking like the happiest person of the crowd many people started to gaze on us.They were thinking that we are the person who are enjoying the party most, but we know what is the truth. Just few minutes back, we all three are thinking, how other people are enjoying now they are thinking how we are enjoying? What a joke? who is the satisfied one who is the happy one. hey, These all are my personal view. I do not have have any intension to hurt anybody.

ये जिन्दगी

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ए जिन्दगी चल तुमको दिया
किसको दिया अपने परिवार को
भाग परिवार कभी किसी का अपना हुआ है
तो फिर किसको दिया अपनी महबूबा को
भाग महबूबा से तो मेरा बिस्वास पहले ही टूट चूका है
तो फिर जरूर समाज को दिया होगा
भाग कयों मज़ाक करता है समाज से मुझे कोई लगाव नही है
तब तो जरूर से यमराज को दिया होगा
भाग मेरी जिन्दगी तू कया बात करता है
मैं इतना कमजोर थोड़े ना हूँ जो टूट जाऊँगा
ए मेरी जिन्दगी ले अब उतर सुन मैंने तुझे दिया
इस कविता को मैंने तुझे दिया इस कहानी को
अब तुझसे मुझे कुछ नही चाहिऐ
और ना ही इस कविता से
मैं अकेला हूँ मुझे अकेला ही रहने दे ।

hurt

The five year old son was playing with stone and sand. A stone felt on his leg by mistake. It made his leg scratched and bleeding. He run to mother and cried “mother a stone felt on my leg.” It is hurting a lot. Mother put the medicine on scratch and replied hey my son it will be ok in one or two days. Wound does not hurt for longer. There is only thing in this world which can hurt. Son asked, “What is that mother?” you can’t understand my son, so there is no point of telling, “Mother replied.

The son grew older. He has many friends in his college. But most of his friends keep trying to make fun out of him. They treated him like a fool. One day he realized that their friends are treating him like fool. He discussed everything to mother and said, “my friends have hurtled me a lot.” Mother encourage,” hey my son why do worry so much about your friends.” They can’t hurt you for a long time. There is only one thing in this world which can hurt. What is that mother,”son asked?” you can’t understand my son, so there is no point of telling,” Mother replied.”

Days gone. He fell in love with a beautiful girl. He loves her truly. They both were happy. He did not hided any thing from her. One day he realized that her girl friend is cheating him. He found himself like useless creature on this earth. He did not find any reason for life. He felt deeply hurt.
This time he did not go to his mother to complain. Now he realized that the love is the only thing which can hurt. He got the answer why mother says you can’t understand. Hurt of love can only those understand you are hurtled by love.

Three options

I have three only options for my life.
1. Do suicide
2. Live alone
३. Marry

When ever I am depressed, generally it happens in the morning or time when I try to recollect memories. I find my self completely help less. I don’t find any strength for life. Nothing impresses me. Nothing attracts me. In those moments even parent’s losses their meaning and I find the whole world as selfish. In such depressing moments I just want to quit the world quietly. But unfortunately I don’t have so much courage to do that. That’s why I am suffering from same mental state every day.

Second case, live alone. This one is very happy giving. Most of the time, I keep augmenting with myself that the best life of a human being is alone life. i suggest myself to live alone and do something for our self. I don’t believe in society service. I am die harder who thinks that every thing in this world is a part of selfishness. I want to do, Some thing which is creative. Some thing which can provide me sufficient money to survive. I don’t have any desire for materialistic world. In these moments books are great strength for me. Writers and philosophers also provided sufficient strength in my odd time. I feel myself elevated from others friends and enjoying the life fullest, even in sad moments. When ever I keep reading I feel myself a strong human being. I planned to read a lot in future. There are good books and good movies too. I want to read I want to see. But as soon as memory of past flashes in my mind every desire goes away. Desire losses their meaning on the ground of sadness.

Third option To marry, which I think is most probable option. I am sad, I am unhappy, I am crying but still deep down to my heart this option seems to be going to happen. I will marry with her. I will be unhappy till life. I will try to enjoy present as far as possible. I will try to make life useful. I will be unhappy but struggling with life. I will be working for my parents and sister for some time. After that I will try to stand my self alone. Marriage for me is just a formality. From very core of the heart I am alone and I will be alone. if this marriage some how does not takes place then I will be alone and working hard for my life, for some creation.

Ultimately for me all the three options results in unhappiness for me. But I am not going to unhappy any how. What ever is going to come in my life I will accept that. And try to be happy.

Guilt and Fear

There was a girl named Guilt। In the same city there was a boy named fear. By the God grace both fell in love. But the girl “Guilt “was not feeling well because she has past relation with someone. On other hand the boy “Fear” was also not feeling good due to her past. Both were in true love but they don’t know what to do? The girl “Guilt is worried about her past, and the boy “Fear” is worried about his future. As a result they were wasting their present.

One day forgiveness came and suggested, why both of you are worried. Guilt is a part of past and fear is a part of future so why you are loosing your present in brooding about past and future. It is best to take help of forgiveness and enjoy the present. Love is neither guilt nor fear. Love is acceptance via forgiveness. Love is enjoying the present.

जीने के लिए

॥
॥
॥
॥
॥
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॥
॥
॥

हर पल वक्त करे मुझसे सवाल
तुम जीते हो किसके लिए
तुम्हारे जीने का मतलब है क्या
मतलब के बिना जिन्दगी अधूरी है
मैं चुप हूँ
अगर दे दूं जवाब तो मच जाये बबाल
मैं जीता हूँ जीने के लिए
जीना ही जिन्दगी का मतलब है
माना कि मेरी जिन्दगी अधूरी है
मगर जिन्दगी को समझने के लिए
जीना बहुत जरूरी है

दांत गया

दिन मे पांच दस मिनट सो लेना सही रहताहैं। अभी खाया अभी सोया। खाने के बाद मुझे आराम चाहिऐ । भाड़ भाड़ मे जाये दुनिया , भाड़ मे जाये काम धाम , भाड़ मे जाये दोस्त यार मुझे सोना है तो सोना है। काम धाम का कोई खास मतलब नही है। सबको तो एक दिन मरना ही है तो फिर गदहे कि तरह काम करने का कया औचित्य है। दिन मे खा के सोने मे जो मज़ा है वो तो औरत मे भी नही। ये अलग बात है कि दुसरा बाला मज़ा हम अभी चखे नही हैं। चखे नही है तो क्या हुआ लोगों से सुना है, किताबों मे पढा है और चलचित्रों मे देखा तो है ही । वो जमाना गया जब चुप छुप के ये सब किया करते थे। अब तो खूलेयाम करेगें और डंके कि चोट पेर सबको कहेंगें। सच है, तो है, चोरी चोरी करने से मन मे द्वेष ही पैदा होता है।
हाँ तो मैं खा के लेटा । जल्दी नींद लगने कि आदत है सो निंदया रानी जल्दी ही आ गयी। पक्का वाला नही कच्चा वाला निंदिया आयी। और मैं नींद मे पकाने लगा। बस एक तरफ नींद चल रही थी उधर मैं कुछ पका रहा था। उपर से शुरू हुआ । देखता कया हूँ कि मेरा तो बाल ही पक गया है। मेरा दिमाग ठनका ऐसे कैसे हो सकता है। इस उमर मे बल कैसे पक सकता है। नही ऐसा नही हो सकता हैं। कुछ तो गड़बड़ हैं। किसी से पूछ के देखे कया । पीछे वाला बाल नही दिखता है। एक दो पका होगा जयादा से जयादा । अरे एक दो तो आम बात है। एक दो बाल तो साबका पक जाता है इस उमर मे आते आते। और ऐसे भी खाना दाना थिक से नही हो रहा है। पेट खराब रहने के कारन ही ये सब प्रोबेल्म है । एक बार खाना दाना सुधर जाये। पानी सानी अच्छा से पीना स्टार्ट हो जाये फिर तो सर के बाल अपने आप ही कला हो जायेंगें। यहीं सब सोच के नींद को फुसलाया। एक बार फिर से निन्द्रा देवी के गोद मे।
गोद मे रखे रखे निन्द्रा देवी का पैर दुःख रहा है शायद। निन्द्रा देवी ने ज़ोर से पैर हिलाया। हे निन्द्रा देवी इतना ज़ोर से कयों हिलाती हो । ओह ओह मेरे तो दांत ही टूट गए। उपर वाला हाँ जबरा के पास वाला गया। गया काम से । ओह। उपर ला ई न से अन्तिम के चारो दंन्त ग़ायब । दो तो पहले हो टूट चूका है और एक कुछ दिन पहले टूटा था और एक अभी गया काम से। निचे वाले हिस्से मे अभी बचता है। अब मैं खाना कैसे खाऊंगा । बाप रे बाप अभी तो २५ ही साल हुए हैं बाकी का जिन्दगी कैसे बीतेगा। अकेले रहने का भी सोचा हूँ। कौन मेरी मदद करेगा बुढ़ापा मे। नही नही किसी से द्वेष भाव रखने से अच्छा है सब कुछ भुला के फिर से दंत जुड़वाँ लेना।। जो भी हो शादी बगैरह कर के किसी तरह जिन्दगी शुरू करें।
इधेर जिन्दगी टूटा उधेर दांत टूटा। सबको एक ही साथ टूटना था। यहीं सब सोचते हुए सपना भी टूटा। सुकिरिया भगवन सुकिरिया मेरा दंत सही शालामत है। उसी जगह पर जहाँ पहले था।। अभी तो मैं नकली दंत खरीदने कि सोचा था। मगर अपने असली दांत को जिंदा देख के अत्यंत हर्षा हो रहा है। जय हो दंत देव । सब आपकी ही किरपा हैं। इससे पहले भी आप कई बार दिन के सपने मे आ चुके हैं। हे दंत देव आपका लोगों को डराने का ये वाला स्टाइल अच्छा है। मैं तो बच गया कोई दुसरा होता तो सपने मे नरक का ट्रेन पकड़ लेटा । चलिए जब अब दंत सही सलामत है तो फिर कुछ खाना दाना हो जाये.

द्वंद

कभी कभी सोचता हूँ भारत लॉट के ही कया कर लूँगा। साला हर चीज़ मे हुज्जत । सभी लोग तो स्वार्थी हैं। जिसको देखो वहीँ हमारे प्रगति से जल रहा है। कोई आगे बढ़ता हुआ नही देखना चाहता है। पिछला २७ साल तो बर्बाद किये ही हैं। अब जिन्दगी का कुछ पल शांति से जी लिया जाये। इधेर ही अकेले मे घर बसा लो । ना तो बिजली पानी का चक्कर हैं । और ना ही लाद्दाई झगड़ा का झंझट । जो मन मे आये करो जैसे मन मे आये रहो। मन करे किसी के साथ सेक्स करो मन करे कहीँ घूमने निकल जाओ । मन करे दारू पीओ मन करे नशे मे स्ट्रिप क्लब निकल जाओ। यहीं सब जिन्दगी है । जो मन करे वहीँ करो यहीं जिन्दगी है। मगर साला ये सब जानते हुए भी हम कुछ नही कर सकते । बिच मे सव्यता टांग रोकती हैं. हमारी सभ्यता भी कैसी है जो जन्मने के साथ ही बिना बच्चे से पूछे ढ़ेर सारे अंध बिस्वसो का कूदा कचरा दिमाग मे भर देती हैं। मेरे बाप दादा ऐसे कियें हैं इसी लिए हमको भी वैसे ही करना है. हमारे बाप दादा जाये चूल्हा मे .यहीं लोग अच्छे हैं। जो मन मे आता हैं करते हैं। सही मे जिन्दगी भी यहीं हैं। जिन्दगी अपनी है ज़ीने का अधिकार भी हमे ही होना चाहिऐ । आज से दो साल पहले मुझे कोई कहत कि भारतीय सभयता मे ये गलत है वो थिक नही है , तो शायद उसे जूता लगा देता। मगर आज अगर कोई कुछ बोलेगा तो सबसे पहले तो अपने दिमाग से भर पेट सोचूँगा कि सामने वाला सही बोल रह है या गलत फिर उसको जवाब दूंगा। सोचना बहुत जरूरी है। बचपन से मेरे साथ बहुत बड़ी जयाद्ती हुई । बिना कुछ सोचे समझे हुए ढेर सारे चीज़ें हमारे उपर लोड कर दी गयी है। सभी गडे मुर्दो को उखाड़ उखाड़ के फिर से सोचना पड़ेगा पड़ेगा कि कया गलत है और कया सही। ऐसे ही किसी बात को गलत या सही मान लेना अन्ध्बिस्वास हैं। और दुर्भाग्य कि बात ये है कि हम अन्ध्बिस्वास को धरम का नियम कानून मान लेते हैं। जब हर आदमी का रुप रंग अलग है , जब हर आदमी पानी पीता है अलग घट का , जब हर आदमी बड़ा होता है अलग समाज मे तो फिर उसका धरम एक कैसे हुआ। मैं नही मानता धरम और मुझे कोई भी सरम नही ये बात स्वीकार करने मे ।
हाँ तो मैं बात कर रहा था इधर ही रहेने कि । कनाडा के लोग अच्छे हैं । माहोल शांत है। लोग पढे लिखे हैं। नही हम कैसे रह सकते हैं। हमने भारत सरकार का पैसा खाया है। हमने गरीब जनता का टैक्स खाया है। मुझे उनके लिए कुछ करना चाहिऐ। बात तो १००% फीसदी सही हैं। नमक खा के नमक हरामी करना अच्छी बात नही। और वो भी जनता का नमक। मरने पे पाप लगेगा। नही नही मैं कोई पाप होने से पहले अपना टैक्स चूका दूंगा । अरे कितना टैक्स खाया है। जो भी खाया है वो चार पांच साल मे चुकता हो जाएगा । हम तो सोच भी रहे हैं कौन सोचता खा के पचा जाओ और फिर अगर डकार आये तो चुप चाप दबा दो. यहीं तो प्रथा है चिन्ता मत करो यार चूका दूंगा कर्जा कहीँ भगा नही जा रह हूँ . और चुकाने क बाद अपनी जिन्दगी जीना चाहता हूँ यार। भगवान् भी साला कया चीज़ धरती पे ही इतना उलट पुलट कयों बनाया। एक तरफ भारत दुसरी तरफ अमेरिका। एक तरफ आदमी को लिखने के लिए कजग नही मिल रहा है और दुसरी तरफ आदमी को गांड पोछने के बाद भी काजग खतम नही हो रहा है। एक तरफ नयी नवेली दुल्हन के लिए लिपस्टिक नही और दुसरी तरफ बुदिया औरत भी वियाग्रा खा रही है। खैर इसमे उस औरत कि भी कोई गलती नही हैं। उसने तो दुनिया देखा ही नही। जो जैसा देखेगा ही नही वो तो वायग्रा कह्ये या फिर सल्फास कि गोली कया फरक पड़ता है . हम तो कहते हैं सब भगवन कि ही चाल है।
ये जीवन बहुत छोटा है। कुछ नही कर सकते हम । कितनों नव नवेली दुल्हन को लिपिस्टक ला के देंगें। एक दो जयादा से जयादा तीन । तीन के बाद तो हम भी थक जायेगें। और मुझे बिल्कुल अच्छी तरह से पता है समुन्दर का चार बूंद पानी पिने समुन्दर का तल कम नही होने जा रहा है।

तिकडम

नही मेरी बहन नही । मैं भारत इस लिए नही आ रहा हूँ कयों कि मुझे मुम्मी पापा से प्यार है। हाँ तुम तीनो बहनो से मुझे प्यार है इस बात को इंकार नही कर सकता हूँ। तुम्लोगों को खुस देखना चाहता हूँ। जहाँ तक इस गरीब से जो बन पड़ा है मैंने किया है तुम्लोगों के लिए । और भविष्य मे अगर भगवन ने सकुशल रखा तो प्यार करता रहूँगा । नही मेरी बहन लुशी मुझे पैसा का तो बिल्कुल ही नही लालच है। लालच कब होता है। जब भविष्य से कुछ आशा हो। जब भविष्य के लिए कुछ सपने सपने सजाये हो । मेरे जीवन के सारे सपने चकनाचूर हो गए तो फिर धन दौलत गाडी बंगला का कया मतलब है मेरे लिए । आज से दो चार पहले पता नही था कि मुझे इन सब चीज़ का शौक़ है भी या नही मगर अब तो बिल्कुल साफ साफ कह सकता हूँ ही कि मुझे इन सब चीजों मे कोई शौक़ नही है। मात्रिवत परदारेसू पर्द्रव्यासु लोस्त्वत वाली बात हो गयी। मेरे लिए तो सब कुछ बसुधैब कुटुम्बकम । हाँ यहाँ अमेरिका मे जीवन आसान है और लोग भी अच्छे हैं, नौकरी भी मिल जायेगी अगर थोडा मेहनत कर के खोजा तो मगर मुझे मेहनत करने का मन ही नही। कया फायदा यहाँ रहने से अब। ऐसा लगता है जिन्दगी मे अगर अब मेरा थोडा बहुत कुछ है तो वो है मम्मी पापा और मेरी तिन बहने। सच पूछो तो मुम्मी पापा से से जयादा प्यार मैं तुम तीनो बहनो को करता हूँ। कभी बोला नही और ना ही कभी बोलोंगा। प्यार करने वाले कभी बोलते नही बस प्यार करते हैं। तुम लोग सोचती होगी कि मेरा भैया कैसा आदमी है आजतक पिछले २५ साल के इतिहास मे कभी भी कोई गिफ्ट नही दिया। यहाँ तक कि राखी के अवसर पर भी कभी साथ नही रहा। कया करूं लुशी मुझे गिफ्ट सीफ्त मे कोई बिस्वास ही नही है। ये सब मुझे फालतू पैसा का बर्वादी लगता है। तुम ही लोग सोचो ना हम लोग जहाँ से उठे हैं वहाँ पे गिफ्ट नाम कि कोई कोन्सेप्त ही नही है। अपने खेत मे जो काम करता है वो गनुरी जी कभी अपने बेटे के लिए कोई गिफ्ट लाए कया । नही ना। और वो झालारवा वाली अपनी बेटी कि शादी मे जैसा साड़ी ख़रीद के देना चाहती थी दे पायी कया । नही ना। इसका मतलब ये तो नही ना कि गनुरी जी और झालारवा वाली अपनी बच्चों से कम प्यार करती हैं। प्यार को गिफ्ट कि तराजू मे तो मूर्ख लोग तौलते हैं। प्यार को तोलना है तो समय कि तराजू से तौलो । अगर एक तराजू के एक पल्दे पर समय और दुसरे पर हमारा प्यार चढोआगे तो मेरा समय वाला पलारा भारी परेगा। याद है लुशी तुम जब सेवेंथ क्लास मे थी और मन क्लास दस मे था तभी से तुम्हारी मस्तेरगीरी करता आया हूँ। तुम्हारे थोडा आगे निकलने के तुरंत बाद बाकी दो बहनो कि भी पीछे पीछे मास्टर गिरी कि। भगवान ने मेरे अन्दर मास्टर गिरी का गुन जनम जात दिया हैं। और अब तो जिन्दगी भर मास्टर गिरी करने का ही सोचा हूँ। हाँ कुछ कुछ लिखते रहना एक मास्टर गिरी ही तो हैं। किसी को दिखे या फिर ना दिखे मुझे तो साफ साफ दिखता है। मास्टर गिरी और लिखना दोनो ही एक हैं। दोनो मे ही अपनी बात सामने वाले तक पहूचानी होती है। अगर आप अच्छा मास्टर हैं तो अच्छा लिखने वाले तो अपने आप हो जायेंगें। हाँ लुशी मन लिखते लिखते भटक जाता हूँ । लिखना शुरू करता हूँ किसी विषय पर और लिखते लिखते पहुच जता हूँ किसी और विषय पर . । लिखने के पहले ना तो कुछ पता होता है कि कया लिखना है और ना ही लिखने के अंत मे पता चलाता है कि कया लिख दिया। बस मन लगता है इसी लिए कुछ कुछ लिखते जाते हैं। द्दितो द्दितो मास्टर गिरी कि तरह । याद है जब भी तुमको कार्बनिक रसायन पढ़ाते थे तो मुझे कुछ पता नही होता था कि आज कया पढ़ाना है। बस मोटा वाला किताब उठाते थे और कहीँ से शुरू हो जाते थे। क्या पढना था और कया पढाया कुछ आता पता नही । बस इतना ही है कि कुछ कुछ पढाया। पढना अपने आप मे ही एक संतोष जनक कार्य है। हाँ तुम्हारी परीक्षा कि मुझे चिनता लगी रहती थी । वो तो आज भी हैं।
हाँ लुशी मुझे अब जिन्दगी से जयादा कुछ लेना देना नही है। ना तो मोह माया है और ना ही लोभ लालच । बिल्कुल आज़ाद हूँ। ना तो किसी का दर है और ना ही किसी का उतर दायित्व . जो मन मे आएगा करेंगें जब तक मन करेगा जियेंगें। जैसे मन करेगें जियेंगें। अगर सब कुछ अच्छा रहा तो पापा मम्मी भी उदास नही होंगें। मैं कोसिस करूंगा किसी को उदास नही करूं। मगर अब मेरी जिन्दगी भगवान् भरोसे हैं। एक बात है जब से अपनी जिन्दगी भगवन के हाथों मे दिया है तब से ज़ीने का मज़ा दुगुना हो गया है। मैं तो कहता हूँ लुशी तुम भी अपनी जिन्दगी भगवन के हाथों मे सौप दो। मगर तुम तो वो भी नही कर सकती। भारत जैसे देश मे लडकी होने का यहीं सबसे बड़ा दोष है। नही नही तुम्हारा दोष नही है दोष तो समाज का है। हम तो अपनी मरजी का कर सकते हैं भगवन को अपना घरवाली सवीकार कर सकते हैं मगर तुम तो बाध्य हो किसी और को भगवन कहें के लिए। मुझे ये भी पता है कि आनेवाला भगवन वैसा नही होगा जैसा कि तुम सोच रही होगी । मैंने दुनिया को देखा है परखा है एक भी आदमी सही का नही मिलता है। सब के सब बस ऐसे ही है। सब कोई तिकडम मे लगे हैं। अब कया कर सकती हो जब पूरी दुनिया ही तिकडम है तो तुम्हए भी तिकडम मे शामिल होना पड़ेगा ना । भारत आते ही तुम्लोगों के तिकडम के लिए भी तिकडम करना हैं। भगवन कि किरपा से कोई तिकडम अगर जल्दी मिल जाये तो बहुत अच्छा रहेगा। हम और पापा कोसिस तो पूरा तिकडम करेंगें कि तुम्हारे लिए अच्छा तिकडम खोज के लायें। अब सारा संसार ही तिकडम है तो हमलोगों को भी तिकडम करना ही पड़ेगा ना। हां पैसा वाली बात । मेरे ख़याल से घर पे कुछ पैसा तो है ही और एक दो साल मे मैं भी कुछ कमा लूँगा और पापा तो कुछ कुछ कमा ही रहे हैं। अगर जयादा कुछ पंगा हुआ तो सारा खेत सेट बेच देंगें । मुझे नही चाहिऐ पैसा। मगर एक बात लुशी जितना जयादा पैसा उतना खराब तिकडम । अगर तिकडम अच्छा है तो फिर पैसा कयों मांगता हैं। मैं अपने आप को जानता हूँ मैं अच्छा हूँ , अपने आप को जानता हूँ , मैं तो पैसा कि बात कभी नही करता । चलो लुशी फिर कभी बात करते हैं जैसे ही घर आते हैं।

पढूं या सोचूँ

आप ही बतायीए पढे कि छोड़ दें। आजकल कोई भी किताब उठाते हैं दो चार पन्ना पढते हैं फिर मुं न के रख देते हैं। नींद कि बात नही हैं। हमे ऐसे भी नींद बहुत कम आता हैं। बात है विचार कि बात है परिवर्तन कि । बात गम्भीर हैं सो आप थोडा सरलता से ही लीजियेगा नही तो सब सरसों का तेल हो जाएगा। कहने का मतलब ये हैं कि पता नही मेरे दिल के अन्दर बैठे सम्पादक के मन मे कया कया चलता रहता है जो हमे कुछ भी पढने से रोकता हैं । हाँ सम्पादक जी एक चीज़ पढने से नही रोकते है वो है कोक शस्त्र के महाग्रंथ। महाग्रंथ के अलावा अगर कुछ भी हाथ मे उठाता हूँ तो लगता है कि पाप कर रह हूँ। गजब कि बात है, अखिर हो गया ना परिवर्तन । यहीं मैं आज से पांच साल पहले मैं कोकशास्त्र उठाने से डरता था और आज कथा कहानी कि किताब छूने से डरता हूँ। सब उलट पुलट । परिवर्तन समाज का नियम हैं और हम भी तो समाज के ही एक अंग हैं सो ये तो होना ही था। अब समाज मे सर किया तो फिर ओखल से क्या डरना। हाँ तो मैं बात कर रहा था रुकने कि । आप को कया लगता हैं हम पढने से कयों रूक जाते हैं। पढने कि आदत नही । नही साहब हम तो बचपन से ही कथा कहनी के शौक़ीन रहे हैं , सो अपना आदत तो खराब नही है कमसे कम।
बात ये है कि हम जैसे ही किताब उठाते हैं तो लगता है पढने से मेरे सोच मे परिवर्तन आ जाएगा। हम उसी के अनुसार सोचने लगेंगें जिस अनुसार किताब के लेखक महोदय जी लिखेंगें। आप कहेगें सोचने के लिए तो हम फ्री हैं। आप बिल्कुल सही कहते हैं। हम फ्री हैं . मगर कभी आपने सोचा कि हम सोचते कैसे हैं. सोचने वाले कंप्यूटर का कंप्यूटर का पार्ट- पुर्जा कैसे बनता हैं. पार्ट – पूर्जा बनता हैं पढने लिखने देखने और सुनने से। और जब पढेंगे उपन्यास तो वहीँ सोचेंगें ना। जैसे जैसे लेखक लिखेगा मेरा भी दिमाग वैसे ही सोचेगा ।
लीक लीक गड्डी चले
लीक ही चले दिमाग।
हम नही चाहते हैं कि हमारा दिमाग लीक पर चलें। हम चाहते हैं कि हम पैदल धीरे धीरे किसी भी रास्ता से चलें। मगर दर इसी बात का है कि ना पढने के चक्कर मे रास्ता ना भटक जाएँ, या तो फिर रस्ते का ज्ञान अधूरा ना रह जाये या तो फिर काटों से बहरे पग पे चल पड़ें. आयेंगें । यहीं सब सोच के जायदा नही पढते हैं। मगर अब लगता है मन मार के पढना ही पड़ेगा। अगर मंज़िल तक पहूचना है, अगर लंबी दुरी तय करना हैं तो पढना भी जरूरी है । चलिए अभी नींद आ aहै फिर कभी पढते हैं। अभी इस लेख को,लिखने के पहले किताब तो उठाये थे मगर लिखने का बहाना बाना के आज भर के लिए टाल दिया हूँ। देखता हूँ कल सुबह तक पढने का जोश रहता है या फिर ठण्डा हो जाता है.

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अकेलापन

नही मैं खड़ा रहूँगा । चलने दो आंधी । आने तो बारिस। मैं नही डरता बारिस से। सबको देख लूँगा। जो हो रहा है सब झेल लूँगा। जब इतने दिनों तक सब झेला ही है तो आगे भी झेल लूँगा । साला जिन्दगी मे अब बचा ही क्या है। जैसे आएगी वैसे जी लूँगा। मानता हूँ कि मदद करना अच्छी आदत है। और आदमी कि सही पहचान भी विपत्ति के घड़ी मे ही होती है। मैंने कौन गलती कि थी जो भगवान् मेरे को सज़ा दे रहा है। हे भगवन तू ही बता मैंने कया गलती कि थी। मैं जानता हूँ तू चुप रह जाएगा। तेरे पास कोई जवाब ही नही है। तू बिना कुछ सोचे समझे मेरे साथ ना इन्साफी कर दिया । मगर मैं तुमको छोड़ने वाला नही हूँ। तू मेरे से बच नही पायेगा। तू कया समझाता है मैं हार जाऊँगा। अगर तू ऐसा समझ रहा है तो बहुत बड़ी भूल है । मैं तुमको दिखा दूंगा कि दुनिया मे आदमी अकेले रह सकता हैं। ये मेडिकल वाले लोग कया समझते हैं कि अकेला आदमी नही रह सकता है। मैं उनके मेडिकल विज्ञानं को चैलेंज करता हूँ। अगर किसी माय के लाल मे दम है तो फिर मेरा चैलेंज स्वीकार करे । मैं दिखाता हूँ कि उनका मेडिकल विज्ञानं मेरे सामने अभी पिद्दी हैं। मुझे पता है कि मेरे ज़ीने का कोई उद्देश नही है ,मुझे पता है कि दुनिया मे मेरा कोई नही है। मगर फिर भी मैं जी के दिखा सकता हूँ। ज़ीने कि तो बात ही छोड़ दो मैं सावित कर सकता हूँ कि सबसे अच्छा जिन्दगी अकेले का जिन्दगी है।
Posted by Nismar at 6:43 PM

फुलंगी

एक बंदर था बड़ा ही मुरूख रोज़ की तरह उस दिन भी वो ताड के पेड़ के उपर चढ़ और उतर कर रहा था बस एक ही काम सुबह से शाम तक । पेड़ पेर चढो और फिर उतारो। अभी पेड के निचे और अभी पेड के उपर। एक राहगीर महाशय उधर से गुजर रहे थे। थोड़ी बहुत थकावट थी और थोड़ी बहुत बन्दर का तमाशा देखने कि इच्छा । यहीं सब सोच के ताड़ के पेड के निचे खड़ा हो गए। बंदर जैसे ही महाशय जी को देखा दौड़ के उपर कि तरफ भागा। अभी पेड कि आधी दुरी ही चढ़ा था कि बिच मे ही रूक के सुस्ताने लगा। महाशय जी संसय मे पद गए . अखिर बन्दर बिच मे कयों रूक गया । कहीँ हमारी बजह से तो ऐसा नही कर रहा है। महाशय जी को बन्दर को टेस्ट करने कि इच्छा हुई और साहब जी पेड से दूर जा के खड़ा हो गए। उधेर महाशय जी का पेड से दूर हटना और इधेर बन्दर का निचे उतरना। एक ही साथ । ये बंदरवा तो लगता है पागल है महाशय जी मन ही मन फुसफुसाए।

बन्दर को नाचने के उद्देश्य से महाशय जी फिर से एक बार पेड के करीब आये। बंदरवा महाशय जी को आते देखा और फुर से उपर के तरफ भागा। इस बार फिर जा के बिच मे ही रूक गया। मगर इस बार पहली बार से थोडा उपर चढ़ा था। मह्शय जी सोचने लगे, लगता है ये बन्दर कभी फुलंगी पर नही चधेगा । कामचोर बन्दर है। रहने दो मुझे नही देखना ऐसे बन्दर का नाच । हार फिर के महाशय जी जाने लगे, बंदरवा महाशय जी को जाते देख के फुर से निचे कि तरफ भागा। भाई साहब रूक गए। सोचा चलो जब बंदरवा निचे आ ही गया है तो कु पूछ लेते हैं। पूछा – हे मुरुख बंदर तुम पेड कि फुलंगी पर कयों नही चढ़ते हो।

बंदरवा ने एक लंबी सास लिया फिर बोला – देखिए महाशय जी पेड कि फुलंगी पर कोई मज़ा नही है। जो मज़ा है वो बिच मे है। ऊपर फुलंगी पर ताड़ी है। पिने मे मज़ा तो आता है। नशा भी बहुत है ताड़ी मे । मगर बस एक ही बार पिने मे मज़ा आता है। और तो और पिने के बाद जो नशा आता है उसमे कुछ नही दिखता है। दुनिया के सभी लोग छोटे छोटे दिखते हैं। सबसे बड़ा , सबसे बुद्धिमान , सबसे आमिर और जो भी है सब अपने आप मे ही दिखता है। यहीं सब सोच के हम यात्रा मे ही मगन हैं मंज़िल का नशा बेकार हैं।

कोयला

मुझे लगता है मेरी जिन्दगी मेरे हाथ से निकली जा रही है। नही नही निकल तो पहले ही चुकी है। जिन्दगी का तो बैंड बाजा उसी दिन बज गया था जिस दिन कि मेरी प्रेमिका ने मुझे धोखा दिया था। ऐसे तो कभी कभी मन बहुत अच्छा रहता हैं मगर जैसे ही इस बात का अहसास होता है कि मेरी जिन्दगी मेरे हाथ से निकल चुकी है अपने आप पे रोना आ जाता है। लगता हैं अब करें तो कया करें। किसके लिए करें। कयों करें । बहुत बार मुम्मी पापा भाई बहन घर बार का बहाना बना के अपने आप को धोखा देने का प्रयास किया मगर कोई फायदा नही। ये सब बहने तात्कालिक ख़ुशी दे सकते हैं मगर लंबी वाली खुसी तो मेरे जीवन से विदा ले चुकी है। कई बार मैंने खुसी को भी चैलेंग करने का कोसिस किया । कान्फुसिय्स कि जैसे लोगों कि जिन्दगी से सबक लिया और मान लिया कि ख़ुशी जिन्दगी का कोई हिस्सा नही है। रो रो के भी हँसा जा सकता है। और तो और कुछ विद्वानो का मानना है कि आदमी दुःख के हालत मे सबसे जयादा खुस होता है। ये फिलोस्फेर लोग भी गजब के लोग हैं, अपने आप को खुस करने के चक्कर मे दुनिया को गुमराह कर रहे हैं। ऐसे तो मैं भी कह सकता हूँ कि ख़ुशी जिन्दगी का अन्तिम लक्ष्य नही है। इसका ये मतलब थोड़े ना हुआ कि हम फिलोश्फेर हो गए। और इसका ये भी मतलब नही हुआ कि बाकी सभी लोग बेब्कूफ हैं जो ख़ुशी कि तलाश मे सुबह घर से दफ्तर के लिए निकलते हैं और शाम को अपने थैली मे चार किलो ख़ुशी ले के लौटते हैं। अब समझ मे आता है कि साधारण आदमी का जीवन कितना अच्छा होता है।

अगर फिर से कोई मुझे साधारण आदमी कि जिन्दगी लौटा दे तो मैं अपनी जीवन भर कि कमी दे दूं। मगर दुर्भाग्य यहीं कि भगवन खुसी का हिसाब किताब लगते समय पैसा को अलग रखा । भगवान् जी भी कया करते हैं आप। सब चीज़ को तौलने के लिए खुसी का तराजू बनाया और जब खुसी तौलने कि बात आयी तब आपका पैसा रूपी तराजू फेल हो गया। हे भगवन जी हम एक रिसर्च के विद्यार्थी हैं अगर आप बोलिए तो ख़ुशी तोलने वाला तराजू बना दूं। बस आप उधेर नरक से तराजू प्रोजेक्ट के लिए फंड भेजिए और हम इधर काम शुरू करते हैं। दुनिया के सबसे धासु युनिवर्सिटी मे इस प्रोजेक्ट को अंजाम देंगें, ये मेरा वादा है आपसे। आप मेरी बुद्धि को नही जानते हैं। मैं बचपन से ही तेज विद्यार्थी रहा हूँ। आज भी जब मेरे गाव के आस पास कोई बच्चा नही पढता है तो गुरू जी बोलते है ” हे बालक पढ़ाई मे मन लगाओ नही तो वो आ जाएगा “। वो कहने का तात्पर्य मेरे से ही है।

मुझे आज भी याद है मोदी जी के दुकान पर जब भी गया तो लोग मेरी तरफ काफी ही सम्मान जनक आंखो से देखे। मोदी जी ने तो कई बार मेरे सामने मेरी प्रसंषा कि। एक बार बोले अरे गनूरी यहीं अर्जुन बाबू का लड़का , बड़ा होनहार है। ऐसा लड़का १० किलो मीटर के वृत्त मे ना तो हुआ है और ना ही होने जा रहा है। लड़का है एक दम हिरा। आज जब उस हीरे के बारे मे सोचता हूँ तो आंख भर जाती है। बड़ा उम्मीद था मोदी जी को। मेरे उपर बहुत नाज़ था गनोरी जी को । हीरा निकला तो ज़रूर कोयले कि खान से मगर रास्ते मे कुछ लोग ऐसे मिले जो कि बिना कुछ सोचे समझे हीरा को मैला कर दिए। खैर जिन्होंने इस हीरा को मैला किया उनको भी मैं कोई दोष नही देता हूँ। जो भाग्य मे लिखा है उसको कौन टाल सकता है। अगर हीरे के नसीब मे कोयला बनना लिखा था तो वो कोयला ही बनेगा ना। लोगों को बड़ा उम्मीद था कि बड़ा हो के हीरा समाज के लिए कुछ करेगा। गाव मे स्कूल खोलेगा, गाव मे फैक्ट्री खोलेगा। उधेर हीरा चमकेगा और इधेर गाव मे दिया बत्ती होगी। मगर अब ये हीरा हीरा रहा ही नही तो चमकेगा कया खाक । अब ये है कोयला , एकदम काला कोयला ।

 कोयला चमकता नही है कोयला जलता है। मुझे जलने मे भी कोई आपति नही है। जहाँ चाहो मुझे जला दो। मैं खुसी से जलने को तैयार हूँ। मगर मुझे पूरा बिस्वास है इस कोयले कि आंच एक रोटी भी पका दे। फिर भी जो भी है मैं अपने तरफ से जलने का पूरा कोसिस करूंगा। कोयला का काम है जलना । खाना पकता है कि नही वो तो बाद कि बात है। अगर कोयला बिना जले दम तोड़ दे तो वो तो गोइथा से भी बदतर है। कोयला देखने मे पत्थर जरूर लगता है मगर अन्दर से उसमे गोइथा से भी कम ताकत होती है। इस बात का अनुभव किसी को जानना है तो उस कोयले से जा के पूछे जो कि पहले हीरा रह चूका है। उस कोयले ने अपने अच्छे दिनों मे हीरे कि कडा पं न भी देखा है और बुरे दिनों मे गोइठे कि मुलाय्मता भी। ये कोयला ही है जो हीरे और गोइथा को मे समाज को अन्तर बता सकता है। नही मैं जलूँगा । मैं ऐसे दम नही तोड़ सकता मुझे मोदी जी कि लाज रखनी है मुझे गनोरी को बताना है कि ये वहीं हीरा है जो आज से २० सल् पहले मोदी जी के दुकान से लेमन चूस ख़रीद के ले गया था.

समस्या

मेरे एक मित्र हैं
पंजाब से आये हैं
कनाडा मे रहते हैं
शादी शुदा हैं
कहने लगे भारत मे मायाबती अजब गजब कर रही हैं
आरक्षण के नाम पर कुछ जयादा ही शोर कर रही हैं

मैंने बोला

वो तो इंडिया मे शोर कर रही है, चलेगा
मगर आपकी बातें हमे कनाडा मे बोर कर रही हैं, ये नही चलेगा
आप इंडिया का जब इतना ही ख्याल रखते हैं
तो फिर जा के भारत मे घर कयों नही बसा लेते हैं
कहने लगे भारत मे बहुत प्रॉब्लम है
राजनीती से ले के घर तक सभी जगह प्रॉब्लम ही प्रॉब्लममैंने कहा जब इतना ही प्रॉब्लम है तो फिर बात कयों करते हैं
भारत जा के प्रॉब्लम को सोल्व कयों नही करते हैं
भाई साहब बोले, अरे ये प्रॉब्लम हम नही सुलझा सकते हैं
हम तो बस कनाडा मे बैठे समस्या को और उलझा सकते हैं।
समस्या उलझाने मे जो मज़ा है वो सुलझाने मे कहॉ
मैंने कहा भैया इधेर आ गए हो तो मज़ा ले रहे हो
अगर उधेर होते तो सब जेल मे सज़ा ले रहे होते
ले लो मज़ा
ले लो

डंका

भाई साहब बडे दिनों से आपसे इक बात कहने का मन था मगर धयान नही रहा इसीलिये कह नही पाए। एक दो बार और इस बारे मे ख़याल आया हैं मगर कभी इस बारे मे लिखने को नही सोचा सो मुद्दा वहीँ का वहीँ पड़ा रह गया। अभी जब मैं एक लेख पढ़ रहा था तो एक्बैग से जोश आ गया और लगा कि बात लिख ही देना चाहिऐ । बात बहुत ही महत्वपूर्ण है। मैंने अनुभव किया हैं इसी लिए बता रहा हूँ। एक दम फ्री मे। अगर इस बात को आप अपना लेंगें तो फिर आपके जीवन मे बहुत बड़ा परिवर्तन आ जाएगा। तो अब काम कि बात सुनिये एक वाकया मे ” जिन्दगी मे किसी से मत दरिये” मैं आदमी कि बात नही कर रहा हूँ। माता पिता भाई बहन पति पत्नी तो बहुत साधारण बात हैं। हाँ तो मैं बात कर रहा हूँ अपने आप से डरने कि । सबसे पहली बात अभी और इसी वक्त अपनी जिन्दगी से मोह माया छोड़ दीजिए। दर दर के जीना , मोह माया मे जीना, रूटीन के अन्दर कसमसा के जीना कोई जिन्दगी नही हैं। सबको लगता है कि यहीं जिन्दगी हैं। सबको लगेगा ही, कयों किसी मे हिम्मत नही है मोह माया त्यागने कि। एक बार मोह माया छोड़ के देखिए, जो मन करे वो कीजिये, जो सही हो वहीँ बोलिए, ज़ीने , मरने कि चिन्ता छोड़ दीजिए, फिर देखिए ज़ीने का मज़ा। आप को गजब का अनुभव होगा। आपको लगेगा आज जा के आप का असली जनम हुआ है। माँ के पेट से जन्म लेना तो स्वाभाविक हैं ।

सभी लोग जनम लेते हैं इस मे अपने कया बहादुरी कर दी। अगर बहादुरी करना है तो अपने आप से जनम लीजिये। आप अपने भाग्य का निर्माता खुद बनिए । भगवन कौन होता है आपका भविष्य निर्धारित करने वाला। आप भगवन कि दी हुई भीख पे जीना पसंद करेंगें। नही ना । तो फिर ये सब दुनिया के जाल जंजाल मे फसते कयों हैं। अपना धोती बांधिए और निकल जाईये मैदान मे । जो होगा सो देखा जाएगा। किसी से मत डरिये। पुलिस चोर ऋषि महात्मा सब से अकड़ जयीए । अगर आप सही है तब फिर आंख निचे करके कयों चलते हैं। मैं जानता हूँ आप इसी लिए आंख निचे कर के चलते हैं कयों कि आपका परिवार है, आप के मुम्मी पापा हैं, अपको पैसा का लालच है, नौकरी मे उन्नति कि आशा है। लालच कहिये या फिर मोह माया मगर कारन यहीं हैं। साहब जी ये सब फालतू है बिस्वास मानिये । आपको अपनी पत्नी पे बहुत नाज़ है ना । आपको आपको लगता होगा कि अपकी पत्नी जी आपको बहुत प्यार करती हैं। आप बहुत बडे संसय मे हैं अगर ऐसा सोचते हैं तो। एक दिन आप अपनी पत्नीजी को बोल के देखिए कि आप किसी और औरत के साथ सेक्स कर के घर लौतिये किसी शाम को फिर देखिए पत्नी जी का प्यार कहॉ जाता हैं।

 प्यार व्यार कुछ नही साहब सब ढोंग हैं। प्यार स्वार्थ का ही दुसरा नाम है। दुनिया मे सब कुछ स्वार्थ है। अगर सब कुछ स्वार्थ ही है तो आप कयों नही अपना स्वार्थ सिद्ध कर रहे हैं। सच बात तो ये है कि आपको पता ही नही कि आपका स्वार्थ है कया । और जब तक पता ही नही होगा तब तक आप उसको सिद्ध कैसे करेंगें। जैसे ही आपको अपना स्वार्थ पता चलेगा आप दुनिया मे किसी से नही दरेंगें । सभी रिश्ते नाते , मोह माया , धन दौलत आपके लिए कोई मायने नही रखेगा। आप बस अपने लिए ज़ियेंगें । करेंगें वहीँ जो आप का मन करेगा। हर आनेवाला दिन आपके लिए एक नयी जिन्दगी ले के आएगा । घुट घुट के जीना भी कोई जिन्दगी है भला। दुर्भाग्य इसी बात का है कि आपको घुट घुट के ज़ीने कि ऐसी आदत हो गयी कि आप असली जिन्दगी को ही भूल गए हैं। आपको पता ही नही कि असली जिन्दगी है कया। अभी कुछ नही बिगडा है अभी भी मरने मे एक दो साल तो बच ही रहे हैं चड्डी पहनिये और उतर जाईये मैदान मे। दिखा दीजिए दुनिया को अपना खेल। मुझे पता है कि आपका खेल एक दम मस्त होगा । आपमें दम है, आप मे शक्ति है, आपमें उर्जा है। बस एक बार चड्डी पहनने कि देरी फिर देखिए दुनिया कैसे आपके पीछे पीछे भागती है। डमरू आप के हाथ मे होगा और बन्दर लोग आप के पीछे पीछे । और तो और अगर कोई बन्दर आय बाय करें तो झट से डाट दीजिए। इस बात से मत दरिये कि कहीँ बन्दर भाग ना जाये । ये सब मत सोचिये कि अगर बन्दर भाग गया तो आपका पेट कैसे भरेगा। भाग गया तो भाग गया। जिसको तमाशा करना है करे वो आपके साथ और जिसको नही करना अपना रास्ता नापे। आपको किसी का ना तो दर है और ना ही दो बक्त कि रोटी कि चिन्ता ।

जयादा से जयादा कया होगा सब कुछ छूट जायगा , भोजन सोजन का प्रबंध नही हो पायेगा। पहाड़ पर्वत कि गुफा मे घर बना लीजियेगा और घास फूस खा के काम चला लीजियेगा। जब महाराणा प्रताप जैसे शूर वीर घास पाट खाए हैं तो हम कयों नही खा सकते । मिला जुला के बस एक छोटा सा बात कहना हां “किसी से दरिये मत जो कहना है डंके कि चोट पे कहिये, ये मत सोचिये कि कहने के बाद आप जिंदा रहेंगें या फिर नरक मे आप से मेरी मुलाक़ात होगी।

पी एच डी

मेंने पूछा
विधार्थी जी आप अमेरिका मे पी एच डी कयों करते हैं ।
और जब सचमुच मे पी एच डी ही करते हो
तो फिर भारतीय कहलाने से इतना डरते कयों हो ।
विधार्थी जी बोले
शांति से जिन्दगी बिताने के लिए
आराम से परिवार चलाने के लिए
वैज्ञानिक के नाम पर विदेश का चक्कर लगाने के लिए
और थोडा बहुत पैसा कमाने के लिए
हम पी एच डी करते हैं
और चुकी हम
पेट के अन्दर अनाज दबाये हैं भारत का
गुणगान करते हैं महाभारत का
जो भी कहिये ये सब काम तो हैं स्वारथ का
इसीलिये हम नाम नही लेते हैं भारत का।

quit blogging

Generally, I don’t take direct step for giving suggestion. There are two reasons for this. First reason : people don’t like truth. They want to hear only praise. Even my best friend is not going to accept their fault after my notice. It is very hard to realize own mistake. The second reason is it is very hard to change some body by preaching. No body wants to change. Fault is deeply embedded in character. So, giving direct suggestion has no meaning. I am selfish and don’t want to loose my friends. I don’t want bad terms by hearing bad words from my friends. I am fearful of harming myself. That’s why I generally take indirect step. Generally, I try to convey the message by some symbolic story.This time, I am taking a direct step. I say quit blogging. I know I am not going to quit but still I am giving you a healthy suggestion. I know I am trapped in blogging. Now, it is my addiction. For me it is more like smoking. I know very clearly “smoking is injurious to health” still I am throwing pack of cigarette. The same here. I know very clearly blogging is interfering in my personal life a lot, I know very clearly it is not going to contribute to society any how. Even I am not getting healthy entertainment. A slight improvement of writing skill after writing no use blogs, and some comment whose authenticity I don’t know is only two things I am getting. But still I am going to quit just because addiction.

Now come to point. Consider a more general blogger. Once a new blogger comes to this blog land and writes one good articles. He gets comment. If he is luckier then his post might be featured. That’s enough. One or two comment is more than enough to realize that newly born blogger is a good writer. just after one or two month every blogger starts thinking himself as a writer. Comment for article is such a glamour nakedness that attracts to everybody. All the blogging website is just based on this small principal. If you don’t believe just try to taste some animal. I am hundred percent once an animal will get praise and he will feel praise then he will never going leave this blog land. It does not matter later he is getting abuse or praise or nothing. Birth of a writer is a irreversible process. You can be writer from simple human being but from writer to simple human being is not possible. It is one way traffic.

Now come to the main topic. Do you wanted to be a writer. Is last aim of your life is to write some book. If answer is yes then just after finishing this blog leave this blog land. You can’t realize how much blogging business is harming to your inner editor. In hope of getting comment you are not improving your writing skill. In place of thinking something natural you are thinking about other blogger. I don’t understand any reason of thinking about somebody who is not connected from my life anyhow. In hope of making network you are reading blog like mine in place of classics. Who I am? I am failure. Not connected to your life anyhow. Still you are reading. What a joke. You are reading my blog it’s my profit and you loss. Do you not understand this small thing?

If you really want to read there are already a lot good books available. But I know you are not going to do that. Seriously speaking, if you want to write some thing interesting. Then take your time. Don’t write in a hurry. I know every thing but still I am doing just because of comment. If you follow the ladder of blogging to reach the roof of novel then you will keep riding on the ladder for whole life. Even if some how you reach to the roof then you will realize you are a big looser. You have wasted a lot of time in targeting one storey building if you have taken your own ladder then you might have reached to the Twin towers.

writing tips

There are two ways of writing. One way, you think, then sit and then jot it down. What ever you think that particular day write down in the evening or at maximum next morning. This is a good way of writing. But there is a demerit. I don’t know about other. Whether they feel it as a demerit or not? Personally I feel it as a demerit. Demerit because you are becoming slave of your mind. You are becoming slave of thinking process. Writing is not salving. Real writing makes you master not slave. You don’t care what you write. You simply write that’s it. Then, you will ask, without thinking how writing is possible. Yes, it is possible.
Write by second method. I don’t say you don’t have to think if you write by this method. You have to think but in a different way. This method is differs from first method only in terms of thinking process. This method is mastering of writing not slaving. What is that? Very simple. Just sit in front of the computer and start writing. What ever comes to your mind jot it down. Writing and thinking both goes together. Advantage of this method is that you will not keep bothering whole day what you have to write. Apart from writing you have your personal life too. You must enjoy that. Don’t spoil your life only in thinking. I agree writing is your aim of life. But still you have to enjoy your personal life too.

The more you will enjoy your personal life. Better you will write. Reason, very simple, we learn everything from our daily life. I don’t say don’t think. Keep thinking when ever you find free time. But be free on thinking. Don’t divert your thinking process in the direction of your writing. Keep your thinking editor unbiased. Leave it free so that it can keep wandering in the free space.

स्वार्थी पुत्र

अभी मेरे एक मित्र जी अपनी माँ से बहुत ग़ुस्सा ग़ुस्सा के बात कर रहे हैं। बात तो फ़ोन पे कर रहे हैं मगर लगता हैं सामने ही माँ को डाट रहे हैं। बहुत ही ग़ुस्सा भरी आवाज़ मे फ़ोन पे बात कर रहे हैं। मेरा कमरा उनके कमरे से लगभग ५ मीटर कि दूरी पर है। बिच मे दीवाल भी है, फिर भी उनकी आवाज़ मेरी कानो तक बहुत तेज तेज आ रही है। वो तो भाग्य मानिये गुजराती भाषा का जो मुझे कुछ समझ मे नही आता है। अगर समझ मे आता तो सब कुछ पता चल जाता कि मित्र जी अपनी माँ को कैसे डाट रहे हैं। आप कहेंगें फिर मुझे कैसे पता चला कि वो अपनी माँ से ही बात कर रहे हैं।

देखिए भाई जब कोई माँ से बात करे और किसी बेटे को पता ना चले ऐसा तो हो ही सकता। माँ तो बस माँ होती हैं वो चाहे किसी कि माँ कयों ना हो। कुछ ही दिन पहले कि बात हैं यहीं मित्र ने मुझे कहा था कि दुनिया मे वे सबसे जयादा अपनी माँ को प्यार करते हैं। यहाँ तक कि वो अपनी पत्नी से भी उतना प्यार नही करते जितना कि वो अपनी माँ से करते हैं। जब भी मेरे मित्र अकेला मह्सूश करते हैं तो माँ को ही याद करते हैं। उसी दिन कि तो बात है हम लोग कार मे बैठ के एक जगह घूमने के लिए गए थे। कार मे टेप कि वय्बस्था थी। मैंने गाना चला दिया। मेरे मित्र जी कार चला रहे थे सो टेप को मैं ही देख रहा था। गाना बदलने , कैसेट उलटने पलटने का काम मेरे जिम्मे था। प्रेम गीत के पुजारी मैंने प्रेम गीत चला दिए। एक के बाद एक गाना आया और बज के चला गया। बिच बिच मे मैं अपने मित्र जी से पूछता रहा। आपको गाना कैसा लग रहा हैं। मित्र जी ने साधारण भाव से सहमती प्रकट कि। बोले अच्छा हैं। मैंने सोचा अभी अभी नयी शादी हुई हैं फिर भी मित्र जी इतना उदास भाव से कयों बोल रहे हैं कि अच्छा है। लगता है पत्नी जी से उतना प्यार नही मिल पा रहा हैं।
यहीं सब सोच के मैंने एक माँ का गीत चलाया। गाना खतम होने के तुरंत बाद रिजल्ट आया। मित्र जी का प्यार भाव उमड़ कर बाहर आया और बोले एक बार फिर से चलाओ। मैंने चलाया। मित्र जी बोले माँ का गीत बहुत अच्छा लगता है। बोलने लगे मुझे माँ से बहुत प्यार है। बातो का सिलसिला आगे बढ़ा और बोले मैं और माँ जब एक साथ होते हैं तब हम लोग काफी अच्छा मह्सोश करते हैं। मैं जब माँ के साथ रहता हूँ तब कोई गलती नही होती हैं। हम दोनो बहुत खुसी के साथ रहते हैं ।
उस दिन कि बात और आज कि बात को जब सोचता हूँ तो गजब लगता है। मेरे मित्र जी अगर माँ को इतना ही प्यार करते है तो फिर आज इतना जोर जोर से डाट कयों रहे हैं। मुझे तो लगता हैं ये वात्सल्य प्यार भी स्वार्थ का ही दुसरा नाम है। केवल माँ के साइड से ही नही बल्कि बेटे के साइड से भी। जब मेरे मित्र जो को अपनी पत्नी महाराज से प्यार नही मिला तब उन्होने अपना स्वार्थ साधने के लिए माँ को सहारा बनाया। और माँ को जब अपने पति महाराज से प्यार नही मिला तो अपने बेटे को प्यार का निशाना बनाया। आदमी बिना प्यार किये रह नही सकता। यहीं आदमी का स्वार्थ है और इसी स्वार्थ को सिद्ध करने के लिए जिन्दगी भर तरह तरह के हथकंडे अपनाता रहता हैं।

फल

मेरे पास दो विकल्प हैं या तो तुमसे शादी करूं या तो तुमसे शादी नही करूं। मुझे जहाँ तक लगता है तुम अभी भी मेरा इन्तजार कर रही हो। अगर इन्तजार नही कर रही हो तो मेरे ये सब लिखने का कोई मतलब नही है। ऐसे भी जिस दिन से तुमने मेरे साथ धोखा किया है मुझे इस संसार से जीने कि इच्छा खतम हो गयी है। किसी चीज़ मे कोई रूचि नही है। बस किसी तरह से जिन्दगी काट रहा हूँ। मुझे खुद भी कुछ पता नही हैं। किसी दिन अगर जयादा ग़ुस्सा आया तो उसी दिन अपने इस छोटी सी जिन्दगी का अंत कर दूंगा। केवल अपने माता पिता का कर्ज़ के कारन दुनिया मे टिका हूँ। अगर जिंदा रहा तो कुछ लिखता रहूँगा . शायद लिखने से मेरा दर्द कम हो। अब मेरे जिन्दगी मेरा कोई अपना नही है। और ना ही मैं किसी को अपना बनाना चाहता हूँ। बहुत कर लिया प्यार व्यार । प्यार मे धोखा से बढकर कोई सज़ा नही। जेल सेल तो सब कहने कि बात हैं। जेल मे किसी को कोई सज़ा नही मिलता। अगर किसी को सही मे सज़ा देना है तब उसे किसी से प्यार करवा दो उर फिर उसकी महबूबा को उससे छीन लो या तो महबूबा उसको धोखा दे जाये। आज कल के दौड़ मे ऐसी लडकियां सड़क के हर मोड़ पर मिल जाती हैं जो कि धोखा देने के लिए तैयार हैं। खास कर के मैं अपने जैसे सीधा साधा ऎंड निर्दोष बालक को प्यार व्यार के चक्कर से दूर रहने कि ही सलाह दूंगा। अगर मैं इन सब के चक्कर मे नही पड़ता तो सायद से एक अच्छा होनहार बालक होता। मुम्मी पापा के कहने मानता और अपनी भाई बहन के लिए कुछ करता । मगर अब तो कुछ करने का जोश ही नही है। लगता है शरीर के अन्दर से सारा जोश ख़त्म हो गया है। किसी ने शरीर कि उर्जा शक्ति ही छीन ली है । समाज कि भाषा मे कहे तो नापूंसक बन गया हूँ। मुझे भी अपने आप को नापूंसक कहने मे बहुत खराब लग रहा है। मगर मैं क्या कर सकता हूँ जो सच है वो सच है। कोई सच को मिटा नही सकता और सच को स्वीकार करना बहुत जरूरी हैं। अगर हम सच को स्वीकार करेंगें ही नही तो फिर सच के सामने अडिग खडा कैसे रह सकेंगें। सच के सामने खड़ा रहने के लिए शक्ति कि जरूरत होती है।

हाँ तो बात चल रही थी तुमसे शादी करने कि । अगर तुम अभी भी मेरा इन्तजार कर रही हो तो शायद मेरे पास तुमसे शादी करने के अलावा कोई दुसरा रास्ता नही है। मगर दिल से मैं अब किसी से शादी नही करना चाहता हूँ। अपनी बाकी कि जिन्दगी भगवन भजन मे लगाना चाहता हूँ। अब और नही चाहता हूँ कि कोई मेरा दिल दुखाये। मैं अकेले रह लूँगा। शायद पिछले जनम मे कुछ कुकर्म किया था सायद उसी का फल मिल रहा है।

लेखक बनो

एक बार एक बिद्यार्थी ने प्रेमचंद से पूछा, हे कथा सम्राट प्रेमचंद जी हम लेखक बनाना चाहते हैं। आप मुझे कुछ टिप्स और ट्रिक्स बतायीए । प्रेमचंद जी ने बालक को समझाते हुए बोला, हे बालक सब कुछ बनना मगर लेखक कभी ना बनना। लेखक भगवान् कि सबसे खराब कृति है। बिदयार्थी जी शंका मे पर गए । अब करे तो कया करे। अखिर प्रेमचंद जी ऐसा कयों बोल रहे हैं। उसने फिर से एक बार प्रश्न दुहराया । हे उपन्यास सम्राट आप ऐसा कयों बोल रहे हैं । लेखक तो समाज के लिए बहुत कुछ करता हैं फिर आप लेखक बनने से मना कयों कर रहे हैं। प्रेमचंद जी ने जवाब दिया देखो विद्यार्थी जी दुनिया को भले लगे कि लेखक समाज के लिए कुछ करता है। मगर ये बात बिल्कुल गलत है किसी भी लेखक का इतिहास उठा के देख लो एक ही चीज़ देखने को मिलेगा। जिसका अपना कोई नही होता है वो समाज के लिए नही लिखेगा तो और कया कर सकता हैं। उसके पास जीने के लिए और कोई उपाय नही इसी लिए लिखता है। कोई भक्ती से नही लिखता .विधार्थी जी थोडा चक्कर मे पद गए । फिर से अपना सवाल दुहराया । हे प्रेमचंद महाराज आप साफ साफ कयों नही बताते कि लेखक बनने के लिए क्या जरूरी है। प्रेमचंद जी बोले – देखो जब तुम इतना जिद कर ही रहे हो तो सुनो लेखक बनाया नही जाता बल्कि लेखक जनमता है । कोई कोई लेखक जनम जात लेखक होता है और किसी किसी को परिस्थिति लेखक बाना देती है। आदमी का जब जीवन टूट जाये तो बस वो कुछ भी लिखे उसमे दर्द ही होगा और ये समाज कि बिडम्बना है कि लोग उसी रचना को जयादा पसंद करते हैं जिसमे जयादा दर्द और पीडा हो।

कला अभ्यास

कला को सिखने का एक ही उपाय है। अभ्यास करो। ख़ूब अभ्यास करो। दिन रात एक कर दो। कला मे निखार तभी आता है जब आप उस कला को ख़ूब मन लगा के करते हैं। खाना पीना हसना रोना गाना- बज़ाना भूलना ही कला है। जब हर दिन एक नया दिन लगे , जब रूटीन लाइफ बोरिंग लगे, रस्ते मे आने वाला हर पत्थर छोटे छोटे ढेले के सामान लगने लगे तब समझना कि कला का व्य्सन हो गया। हम मानते हैं कि कला मे रूटीन जरूरी है। मगर ये रूटीन दैनिक जीवन का रूटीन नही। हर कलाकार अपना अपना स्टाइल से कला का अभ्यास करता है।मैं अभी कुछ दिन से कला को पढ के समझेने के फेर मे फस गया था। मुझे कुछ लोगों ने कहा कि लिखने के लिए पढना बहुत जरूरी है। ये बात सही है। हम इस बात को स्वीकार करते हैं। पुराणों मे भी कहा गया हैं जैसा खा ओ गे वैसा ही बनोगे। यानी कि जैसा पढोगे वैसा ही लिखोगे।

मगर साहब जब भी मै पढने बैठता हूँ एक ही बात दिमाग मे आती है। समय कम है। जिन्दगी का कुछ अता पता नही। आज हैं कल को कहॉ जायेंगें किसी को पता नही है। पढ़ते ही रहेंगें तो लिखेंगें कब। अगर बिना लिखे मर गए तो मरी आत्मा को भी शांति नही मिलेगी। जब पढने बैठते हैं तो हेर छेज़ नया ही लगता है। और जब लिखने बैठते हैं तब भी सब कुछ नया ही लगता है। फिर प्रॉब्लम कहॉ हैं। कौन सा काम जयादा जरूरी है । आदमी के पास समय बहुत काम है और पढना जयादा है। उधेर नरक मे भी मेरी आत्मा तड़पती रहेगी । यहीं सब सोच के निर्णय किया कि लिखना जयादा जरूरी है। पढना , लिखने के लिए जरूरी है मगर उतना नही जितना कि लिखना पढने के liye। बहुत शुर वीर हैं जिन्होंने बिना पढे बहुत कुछ लिख दिया हैं । बाबा कबीर को मेरा प्रणाम रहेगा इस संदर्भ मे। बाबा कबीर से बड़ा लेखक विचारक संत महात्मा ना तो तो हुआ है और ना ही होगा।आज के दुनिया मे कबीर का पैदा होना मुश्किल है। कोई चांस ही नही है। सब तो पढ़ के बाद लिखने के फेर मे हैं तो फिर कबीर कहॉ से पैदा होगा । कोई घूम फिर के लिखे तब बात बने । कुर्सी पर बैठ के कंप्यूटर पर टाईप करने से समाज मे ना तो कोई परिवर्तन हुआ है और ना ही होनेवाला है।अगर समाज मे परिवर्तन करने के लिए नही लिख रहे हैं तब तो बात अलग है। मुझे तो भाई व्यसन हो गया है।

कोसिस कर रहे हैं। मगर छूट ही नही रहा है। निकट भविष्य मे छूटने कि पूरी आशा है। अगर हम नही छोड़ पाये तो हमारा हालत मुझे छोड़ने पर मजबूर कर देगा। मुझे पता है । शत प्रतिशत। भाई खा ने पिने के लिए पैसा कहॉ से आएगा अगर यहीं करते रहे तो। अभी तो बाबूजी का राज है। एक दो महिना मस्ती मार लेते हैं। फिर तो कंप्यूटर के दर्शन भी दुर्लभ हैं। अच्छा भी होगा। कंप्यूटर नही रहेगा तब सही रहेगा। फालतू का समय बर्बाद होता है। कथा कहानी लिखो तब कोई फायदा भी हैं। ये पिद्दी पिद्दी लेख लिखने से ना तो लिखने कि शैली सुधरती है और ना ही पैसा मिलता है। हाँ कुछ टिपण्णी मिल जाता है। इन टिपण्णी से अपने अन्दर बिस्वास बढ़ता है। यहीं टिपण्णी है जो आजकल कितने को धोखा मे दाल रखा है। रातो रात लेखक बनने का ये सबसे अच्छा तरीका है। कुछ भी लिखो टिपण्णी तो आएगा ही। पहले वाली बात नही कि पेड के निचे बैठ के लिखते रहो और कोई पढने वाला ही नही। अरे आज तो जमाना फास्ट फोरवर्ड है। इधेर लिखा उधेर जवाब हाज़िर है। प्रसन्नता का क्या कहना। टिपण्णी पढा और मन पुलकित हुआ ।कभी कभी मुझे इन टिपण्णी पेर भी बिस्वास नही रहता है। लगता है कि कहीँ सामने वाला मुरुख तो नही बना रहा हैं । ये भाई कोई मुझे मूरख ना बनाए मुझे किरपा कर के ।अगर हमारी रचना घटिया हो तो घटिया कहिये और अगर बधिया है तो कुछ मत कहिये। पढ़ के चुप चाप पतली गली से निकल लीजिये । ऐसे मुझे अच्छी तरह से पता है कि इस मे कुछ है नही।

Single man factory

A freshly graduate student went to the counseling centre for career advice. He was confused about his career. Career counselor asked to the graduate student what you want to do in your life.
Grad Student – I want to open a factory.
Counselor – how much money do you have?
Grad Student – only 6000 rupees.
Grad student – in this amount of money no machine comes, only type writer comes in 5000 rupees.
Counselor – do you have any skill or experience in Industry?
Grad student – I don’t have any experience, but I am a quick learner. I can learn any thing just by observing or by intuition. If observation and intuition fails then I can learn by reading.
Counselor – do you have any friend who is going to help you in your business?
Grad student – no, I am individualistic and I wanted a single man factory.
Counselor – are you kidding? How much out put you will make from a single man factory.
Grad student – I want to make a significant contribution to the society by running single man factory. Please guide me.
Counselor – you have only one option. Be a writer.

Station or destination

Yes, these gems you can find at the origin of river Ganga,”the saint said to gold smith. These gems are very precious,”the gold smith replied.” He started his journey at the bank of river Ganga. He was walking along the bank of Ganga. He covered some distance, took some water in hand and drank.
No taste of gem. He started his journey once again. He was walking and walking he reached to the bank of Varanasi, took some water in his hand and drank. This time he found some taste of gem.
He decided to go into the river. He kept searching. At the end of day he found some small gems. He was very happy. Next day he again started the same process, he got some gem once again. He continued collecting gem at the bank of Varanasi. He was very happy.
At the end of his life time the saint who gave him suggestion came to Varanasi. He recognized the Gold smith. The saint asked to gold smith, what are you doing here? Gold smith replied,” I am collecting gems.” But there are no gems here, gems are at origin of Ganga,”saint replied.” The gold smith broght the collected gems and shown to the saint with a confidence. The saint replied,” oh, these are just broken particle from those gems. The real gem is at Rishikesh. You wasted your life time in collecting sulk of gem.
“First decide your destination and then don’t be disturbed by station.”
Wanted write book don’t waste time in blogging.

ब्लैक ब्लोग

There was a peculiar blogger in the blog land. He wrote first blog, he wrote second blog, he wrote third one, he continued till tenth blog. At the end of tenth days he deleted all his blog.
Once again he started his fresh journey. He wrote first blog, got commented, wrote second blog, no comment, wrote third blog, a lot of praise, tenth blog a lot of abuse. At the end of tenth days he deleted all the blog.
One another peculiar blogger was observing all this। He questioned to the first blogger why do you writing and deleting your blogs once it counts to ten. The peculiar blogger replied,” I don’t believe in collection.” Collection is like black blog. I only want white blog.

Happiness Myth

There was a woman, her name was Myth. She gave birth of twin son. Mother Myth wanted their son to growth in different surrounding, so she sends one son in the country of happiness and other one in the country of unhappiness.
The son who went to the country of happiness learned all the culture from his country। As a result he was very happy.

The son who went to the country of unhappiness learned the culture of his country. What ever others were doing he did. What ever was assumed to be natural tendency of human being he accepted?
After twenty year of long period mother Myth called both of her son। Both came from their land. As soon as first brother saw the second brother he uttered,” hey my elder brother why are you so much unhappy.” Elder brother did not realized what he is saying. He questioned,” Is I am unhappy?” Both started debating.

Mother Myth saw now both are going to fight. So, she replied “Happiness and unhappiness both are twins of mother Myth.

Inspiration

There was a sculptor in Himalaya. He was casting his images from stones. He was working there from three year. His work was selecting good quality stone, cutting them properly, give them shape of God and give final finishing touch.
He worked very hard whole day and took rest in the night। One day, he was chiseling his work; a sage crossed nearby and asked,” hey sculptor why are you working in so hard in deep mountain?

Nobody is going to praise your work here. You are working so hard but it does not worth at all. I can’t understand from where you getting inspiration for working so hard.
Sculptor replied,” I get inspiration from my work.” God said a true inspiration comes from your work.

Plant or build

There were two kids. The teacher asked to the first kid what you want to be in your life. He replied I wanted to an engineer. An engineer who builds the buildings. The teacher asked to the second boy what you want to be in your life. He replied- I wanted to be a gardener.
Both were lucky enough to fulfill their dream। One became builder and other became gardener.

Builder leaned all the tips and techniques for making building. He became unhappy after building a castle. He has now nothing new to do. He felt like boring.
The gardener planted some plants। Wind and rain always create problem, but he always loved that. Every season, he kept learning some new technique. He never felt bored. He never achieved the dream.

It is your choice either you want to plant or you want to build your life.

पैकेट ऑफ़ लाइफ

There was a man living in a remote village. He was having dream to go Varanasi some time. He collected a lot of money in his life time in a hope that he will fulfill his dream one day. He learned all the tips and tricks of the life. His old age came and he planned his holy journey. What ever he earned or gained from past life he packed in his bag. His bag was having packet of money, packet of confidence, and packet of courage. He was a having one more packet but did not recognized what that packet contains.
He started his journey on foot। He was walking; suddenly some thief came in his way and snatched all his money. He became money less. But still he kept his journey continued. He know packet of confidence and courage is still with him. He started his journey once again with courage. He was walking and walking. A fast wind with heavy rain started. He became sick. He went to a local doctor. Medical doctor cured his disease but as payment he took the packet of courage.

Now he was only having two packets. One of confidence and other packet is unknown. As far as he has packet of confidence he can always reach to his destiny. He started his journey once again with confidence. He was walking and walking. He lost his way. He asked to one person can you please guide me about my path. The person replied, “yes I can guide you, but for that you have to pay the packet of confidence. The old man gave his confidence packet. Now he is having only one packet. He doesn’t know what packet this is. He doesn’t want to open the packet.
He stated his journey once again without confidence packet. He was walking and walking. The journey was too long. He did not able to find any symbol of temple. Even air has not having any smell of spirituality. He became tired and planned to return back. As soon as he returned back his unknown packet dropped down. He collected the packet and started the back journey once again. But what is this? The unknown packet fell one more time from his bag. There is something inauspicious in returning journey he guessed.
He decided to forward towards Kashi one more time। He started the holy journey. This time packet did not fall. He was walking and walking. At the end of two month continuous walk he reached to Kashi. He was very happy. His dream of life is fulfilled.

He opened the unknown packet. It was the packet of hope.

अकेले हैं ?

आदमी को ये अहसास होना कि वो अकेले हैं बहुत जरूरी हैं। जब तक आपको इस बात का अहसास नही है तब तक आप दुसरी दुनिया मे जी रहे हैं। दुसरी दुनिया कहने का मतलब है कि अगर आपको अकेलेपन का अहसास नही है तो फिर आपको पता नही कि आप के जन्म का कया उद्देश्य हैं। भगवन ने आपको कयों जनम दिया है। आप बस केवल घर परिवार के कार्यों मे फसे रह जाते हैं। आपकी पूरी जिन्दगी बस घर परिवार के इर्द गिर्द घूमती रह जाती है। पूरा संसार आपके घर परिवार मे होता है। जयादा से जयादा कुछ समाचार बगेरह पढ़ लेंगें या फिर अगर और जयादा हुआ तो थोडा बहुत किसी कि मदद बगेरह कर सकते हैं । मगर इतना ही असली जिन्दगी नही है। इस मे कोई हर्ज़ नही आपको जैसे ज़ीने का मन हैं आप वैसे ही जिए। मगर थोडा थोडा दिमाग से सोचते रहिए। आदमी के पास खाली समय बहुत हैं। इन समयों का उपयोग कीजिये और कुछ जिन्दगी के बारे मे भी सोचिये।

जैसे ही आपको इस बात का अहसास होगा कि आप अकेले हैं । अपको भगवान् ने अकेले बनाया है उसी दिन से आपको मन मे एक और प्रश्न घूमने लगेगा। आप सोचने लगेंगें कि अगर हम अकेले हैं तो फिर हमारा जनम कयों हुआ है। हमारे जिन्दगी का मकसद कया है। भगवन नाम कि कोई शक्ति भी होती है कया इत्यादी इत्यादी ।

मगर साहब आज के भाग दौड़ कि जिन्दगी मे किसी को कहॉ फुर्सत हैं ये सब सोचने के लिए. । कहॉ समय हैं कि वो कुछ सोचे इन सब के बारे मे। दो समय कि रोटी का जुगार करने के बाद उसके पास समय ही कहॉ बचता है कि कुछ सोचे। और ये सब साधू महात्मा सब ढोंग भी तो हैं। साधू के वेश मे सब लोग बस अपना स्वार्थ सिद्ध कर रहे हैं,।
नही साहब मैं साधू बनने को थोड़े ना बोल रहा हूँ। मैं तो बस इतना कह रह हूँ कि हमे इस बात का अहसास होना चाहिऐ कि हम अकेले आये हैं और अकेले जायेगें। इस बात का अहसास होने से हमको कुछ मिले या ना मिले मगर आपको बहुत फायदा होगा । शत प्रतिशत गारंटी। आप जो इतना पैसा, महल , कार , बंगला के पीछे भाग रहे हैं वो अपने आप कम हो जाएगा। आपको अपने पुत्र या बीबी माता पिता से कुछ जयादा आशा नही होगी।

आप बस कार्य करेंगें और उसके परिणाम से बिल्कुल निश्चिंत रहेंगें। आप का जीवन सुख दुःख सबमे एक समान चलेगा। हाँ आपको लग सकता है कि ऐसे जीवन मे तो उल्लास ही नही रहेगा। नही साहब बात ऐसी नही हैं।
ऐसे जीवन मे उल्लास हैं। आप को मरते दम तक उल्लास रहेगा। आप जो करेंगें उसे भगवन के लिए करेंगें। आप हर काम को अच्छा से करेंगें। हर आने वाला दिन आपके जीवन मे एक नया पुष्प ले के आएगा।

आप थोडा सोच के तो देखिए।

Too much picture

Four friends made a one day plan for a tour. They left for trip around six o’clock in the morning. One of them has digital camera and very exited for trip. His parents recently arranged his marriage. His fiancée is in India and boy is touring in Canada. So, photograph is only option of showing love.

All four reached to the touring place. The engaged friend was exited to capture all the scenes. He is more interested in capturing picture rather than enjoying the beauty of scene. If everlasting fiancée beauty is there then what is the point of enjoying natural beauty? He took a millions of picture. Every picture associated with her fiancée, in the memory of her fiancée, in a hope that it will create a better impact on fiancée mind.

Every stone, every scene, every pose should be photographed. He did. This is the revolution of digital technology. This technology is focusing more on collecting the memory rather than enjoying the memory.

They came back to their house around 11.00 O’clock in the night. Uploaded the picture on computer, saw the first picture, and came to talk to discussion with other three friends. The very first sentence from his mouth was “oh today I did not put some cream on my cheeks that’s why picture are not good.” This was really a bad trip. We should g to some other place tomorrow.

One of the friends tried to read the mind of this engaged friend and came up with following conclusion. The conclusion no 1 the engaged boy is giving too much priority to her fiancée, he is losing his present moment for future, he is trying to show himself better than what ever he is, there must be some inferiority complex in boy mind.

Show yourself what ever you are? Relation is not a two month process it has a long time to grow and ultimately both knows others originality, so what is the point of losing present moment for other.

Break the rule

Once upon a time a spiritual master was crossing the state of king Ashoka. In the way, he saw a slave is crying and weeping. The master stopped and asked what your age is? The slave replied I am of forty years old. Master replied it’s not the time to cry. This is the age of to be satisfied. But why are you crying, “Master questioned?
I am crying because I am not happy, ‘slave replied।

But why you started the work of slavery, slavery always results in unhappiness you did not know that, “master replied.”
One day I was sleeping at my home, some police knocked the door। I went outside. The caught me and said that they came by the order of King Ashoka. The king has declared my caste to be slave. And as a rule people from slave caste has to do slavery. That why I started slavery, “slave replied? I was happy when I started slavery.

Then why are you unhappy now,” master asked?
No, I am not unhappy। See, what ever money I am getting, I am devoting on family. As a society rule I have to send my kids in good school, my wife should get good sari, my kid should have tutor. And all this costs money as you know. So I am pushing myself hard to fulfill their desire. I am not unhappy I am frustrated with doing all this work.

But why you have kid and wife, “master asked.
Having family is a society rules that why I have,” slave replied.”
You are a double slave that’s why you are unhappy। First, you are a slave by work and second you are a slave of society. You are following the rules of king or you are following the rules of society. Do you wanted yourself to be happy or do you wanted society to be happy?

If you wanted yourself to be happy. Don’t bother about the rules; break them as your convenience. How do you think that those who made the rule are better than you.
Those who follow the rule are slave and those who break the rule are master. Choice is yours.

Eleven comment

One day a blogger complained to God,” hey God I write a lot of article but nobody comments on that।” What can I do to get attention of people? God replied,”Ok, blogger from today onwards you will get comment for every article. From that day what ever he wrote, he got around eleven comments. He wrote and got a word of praise from reader. He was feeling very satisfied after reading comment. The process of blogging is going smoothly. After eleven months realized that he is becoming slave of praise.

He complained to God once again,” hey God I am getting only praises, if nobody will point mistakes in my article then how I will be able to improve my self। God once again granted his request. From that day he started to get around eleven abuses for every article. He was frustrated with all these comment. He had never realized before that he write so bad. He is such a bad mentality person.

He felt dejected from writing and once again complained to God,” hey God now I don’t want to write for my readers। I want to write for you. People say that you never mind what ever some body write.

God replied,” If you seriously want to write for me then write what ever comes to you mind but never pay attention what other say. Be static in the situation of praise and abuses.

Eleven month

A fresh graduate from IIT Kanpur joined a soft ware company.
During first eleven month training period he was exited about his work। Every day, he was learning some thing new. He was happy. After training he joined for his job. He was given to write code for some software. Almost every day he has to write same type java code.

After eleven months he became bored with java code and started to complain that his work is routine type and has no challenge. His boss changed his job and he was given a position of management. He started his new responsibility with enthusiasm.
After eleven months he realized that he is performing same type of duty every day। He was doing his management work and complaining that he is dealing with same type of person every day. He wanted to quit the job. He wanted to some thing new, some thing interesting. He applied for Phd. He was a brilliant student so he got scholarship in world best university. Brilliant student took his bag and baggage and crossed the seven oceans. He joined the highly renowned research group. He staterd his work with a great enthusiasms. This was the place he was looking for. he realized. He got his first research paper published in second month. He started to work for his second research paper he was doing some experiment work. He did the experiment work and played with the data on computer. At the end of fifth month he published his second research paper. Now turn for third research paper he started his experiment once again got the data. Now manipulation of data he wrote some java code and manipulated on computer. The third paper accepted as usual. Once again, he started to work for his next paper. He was doing experiment in the night. One day, he realized that he is doing routine type of job. He is doing same job every day. From that day he again stated to complain about research. He wrote java code for next set of experiment and submitted the paper at the end of ninth month.

At the end of eleven month he complained to his professor that he is writing same type of code every day। Professor replied I can’t do any thing. I have to publish paper and paper comes from Java code. The student replied in outburst if I have to write java code then why I came seven oceans far from my house. I was doing the same job after my graduation. He packed his bag and baggage and left for his soft ware company once again.

It is not the job which is boring it is the attitude which makes some thing boaring, boring thing becomes more bore after continuous complain।

Writing tip no 1

There are three possibilities। Either you can write on computer or your can type with the help of type writer or you can jot it down on your note book. These days type writer is out of market. Even in museum, it is very difficult to find a type writer. So type writer is out of scope. Now come to note book. These days nobody prefers to write on note book. World is technical. Every body has his own laptop. So what is the point of writing in note book? Notebook old stuffs. There are a lot of demerits of writing on notebook. Like you have to type it again on computer, on note book you don’t have facility of spell check on, any body can steal you note book, note books are not safe, some time writing faded up with time. Apart from all this writing on note book shows that you are old fashioned writer. These days no body writes on note book. Computer has a lot of facility. You can take a rest meanwhile writing, you can steal idea in the middle of writing if you need, you can hear some song, you can watch some small clips mean while your writing. You can publish your writing as soon as you finish. You will get response immediately. So computer makes writing process fast. It makes writing neat and clean. That’s why computer is in demand these days. Either you wanted to be a writer or you wanted to be a blogger computers are the best thing to type your emotions.

No, you are not correct. All these logic will make you a professional writer but never make you emotional one. Simple question either you wanted to be a professional writer or you wanted to be a emotional writer. Either you write for money or you write for memory. Whether you write for comment or you write for your soul to be happy. If you wanted to be an emotional writer it is better to write on paper with pen. But why? There are a lot of demerits in writing with paper and pen. But you don’t write for merit or demerit you write for memory. I suggest keep your paper and pen always ready. Where ever you go, what ever be the time, what ever is your emotional state? Keep your paper and pen always with you. When ever, where ever you feel to write jot it down. Don’t wait for computer. The best part is that once you will write at some un known place or at some odd time or about some sudden emotion you will have different feeling attached to that place, that time and that emotions. Once you will read your article in future you will not feel yourself caged in your chair in front of computer.

At the end of the day whether you will be a rich man or not I don’t know but you will be rich from memory and emotion point of view out for sure।

11 inch

The whole world revolves around 11 inch. Why most of the people work so hard just because of 11 inch. Why people are running for money and luxury because of 11 inch. Why every woman is running for lipsticks, earrings, jeans and perfume again 11 inch. Why film industry is full of glamour just because of 11 inch. Why pornography industry is growing so rapidly just because of 11 inch. Why so many prostitutes in our society once again answer is 11 inch. What is this 11 inch? It is the area encompassing by 11 inch radius with center at woman umbilicus.

एक और गाली

ऐसे सामान्यतः मैं किसी का ब्लोग नही पढता हूँ। साला सबके ब्लोग मे एक ही बात । जिसको देखो वहीँ समाज को गालिया रहा है। यार मैं तो गाली सुनते सुनते पक गया हूँ। ये ब्लोग्बाजी का धन्धा समाज को गलियाने के लिए ही खुला है कया। यार जब इतना ही गलियाने का मन है तो अपनी डायरी मे गलियायो । रोज जितना मन करो सुबह सुबह उठ के गलियायो । गीता फीता जाये चूल्हा मे। मत करो भगवन जप। लिख डालो गली चालीसा । साला सब ऐसे गलियाते कयों हो मुझे कुछ समाज मे नही आता है। जरा सा पढ लिख ना गए कि मानो दुनिया का सबसे तेज आदमी आप ही हो गए। बाकी सब लोग तो जैसे बेकार हैं . पहले तो हम समझते थे जो विदेश चला गया है वहीँ केवल भारत को गली देता हैं। मगर बात कुछ उलटी ही निकली साला घर का भेदी ही लंका ढह रहा है।

कोई व्यंग लिख रहा है तो को उपदेश तो कोई रिपोर्ट तो कोई कहानी सब अपने अपने ब्लोग लिखने मे मस्त है। सब अपने फ़िराक मे हैं . जिसको जैसे आ रहा है गालिया रहा है। हम भी उसी मे से एक हैं। हम कोई दूध के धुले नही है। मगर साला जब कुछ कर नही सकते तो गाली कयों देते हो। ये नापूंसक टाईप चार पाच कहानी और कविता कि भाषा मे समाज को गाली दे देने से तुमको कया लगता है कि समाज सुधर जाएगा । सब के सब बेब्कूफ है। लिखने से समाज को कुछ नही मिलने वाला है। तुम गाली लीखोगे और्र दुसरा कोई पढ़ लेगा इससे जयादा और कुछ नही होने वाला। कोई परिवर्तन नही होता है। अरे गली भी लिखने का ढंग होता है। प्रेमचंद ने तो समाज कि कभी बुराई नही कि। समाज को अच्छी बातें लिखो। गाली लिखना आसान है मगर प्रशंशा करना मुश्किल। प्रसंषा लिखो गाली मत लिखो। किसी को दोषी मत कहो। और जब इतना ही गाली देनें का मन कर रहा है तो फिर गाली देने मे समय बर्बाद कयों करते हो। सीधे लंगोट पहन के समाज के मैदान मे उतर जाओ और देखो कि कहॉ कया गलत चल रहा हैं ।। जितना बन पडे करो। मगर हम जानते हैं वो तो तुमसे होगा नही। तुम बस अपने कंप्यूटर के सेर हो जो गाली लिख के अपना स्वार्थ सिद्ध करते हो। हिंदी मे लिखने वाले लोग कुछ जयादा ही ऐसा कर रहे हैं। मुझे बड़ा बुरा लगता है। ऐसे तो साला हिंदी भाषा का दुनिया मे इमेज खराब होगा।
कुछ दिन के बाद हिंदी साहित्य के नाम पर केवल गाली बचेगा . कुछ शरम करो । कुछ नया लिखो। कुछ अपना लिखो। अपना दिमाग बढाओ । कुछ नया पढो। कुछ नया सोचो । फालतू का समाज को गाली देते रहने से कुछ मिलने वाला नही हैं। जिसको सुधरने कि जरूरत है उसको तुम्हारे लेख कि हवा तक भी नही लगेगी फिर कयों लिखते हो। ये साला कंप्यूटर युग से समाज का नाम और बदनाम ही होगा। ये फालतू का समय बर्वादी है और कुछ नही। अपने मन को चाहे कितना भी मना लो मगर ये बर्बादी के सिवा और कुछ नही है। गाली देने का मन करो हज़ार गाली मुझे भी दे लो मैं भी गाली का हकदार हूँ फालतू का काम जो कर रहा हूँ ।
लिखने का बहुत मन तो बहुत करता है मगर कोई फायदा नही। यार बस इतना किरपा कर दो, प्लीज , समाज को ऐसे मत गलियाते रहो कुछ कर सकते हो तो करो और नही कर सकते तो कमसे कम चुप चाप बैठो। चुप चाप बैठना गाली देने से बहुत अच्छा है।
गलती सालती माफ़.

Relationship: no meaning

Have you ever questioned that “Is you relationship is as good as it should be?” Do you know that ‘Is your marriage successful?” Do you not think you both have bounded to each other by the rope of marriage? Do you not think that you have lost your natural tendency for the shake of relation? Do you not think you have sacrificed your self only for the shake of relationship? Do you not think that the spark which you felt in the initial days of marriage is not burning now?
I know you will try to lie one more time. Lying is embedded in your habits. You are so much consumed in your relationship that you can’t accept any thing opposite to relationship. You can not think that you took a wrong decision. It is true that we have to make ourselves happy from what ever we get, from what ever we are, from what ever happening to us? What is the need of keep crying if our relationship is not idle? No relationship is idle. Every relationship has some loopholes. I agree. But problem is that we don’t try to see the loopholes. We try to cover the hole by the method of self acceptance. There is no harm in doing that. Life is yours.

You have to create happiness any how. But, for those who have guts to stand in the opposite direction of wind; always keeps asking how, why, what, where. These question tags takes them at the root of the happiness. Even after getting unhappy stumbling blocks. You don’t get upset. You become unhappy but try to make your relationship better. Happiness and unhappiness is a part of journey only. Don’t be so fearful from consequences. Who knows those stumbling blocks can change your life. You will get another dimension of life. Don’t try to cover the thing. Dig all the superstition and search for a true happiness. You are lucky that you have access to so many literature and books. You can discuss your matter to your friends and other partner. Take the advantage of education.

Sometime, when I think about my parents I feel bad. They are not so educated like you. I know they are married. They are committed. They are nice couple but from the relation point of view there is no relation between my father and mother. Arrange marriage does not create relation. You have to grow the relation. Be committed, doing what ever other partner says, keeping each other happy and bringing gifts is not a relationship at all. Relationship is something different. For a good relationship love is the bond. Generally all the relationship is based on sex and to be loved principal. Husband needs sex and some other convenience of daily life and wife needs security and to be loved. Is this relation? Not at all. What happen if a wife is left at an island? The Island has no problem of security, and sex is freely available. I don’t think at this island there will be a tree of marriage will grow. If a tree grows then it will be watered by the emotion of love which does not bind from sex and security. Love and will be healthy tree. This tree is so strong that neither fear of security nor the lure of sex can uproot.

Well, all this has meaning only you have food for two times in a day, for those who have to struggle for survival this article has no meaning.

Create Happiness

Once upon a time there was a farmer. He wanted to grow the plants of happiness. He went to the market and brought the best quality of seeds. The shopkeeper convinced him that these seeds are best seed available in the market, germinate fast and create three times happiness in a small amount if time. The farmer paid the money. The rainy season came. He planted the seed. He kept a careful eye on every plant. Fertilizer was spread time to time. But at the end of every thing he became unhappy. These seeds are not able to create happiness. At the end of season he found the same amount of happiness which he planted.

He went to market and blamed to shopkeeper for bad seeds. He wanted to create happiness badly so he decided to try one more time. This time he tried different method. He brought cheap seed. He collected seed from divorced lady, some orphan boy and some alone person. He planted the seed. He didn’t use any fertilizer this time. He just kept boasting their plant every day in the morning. The plant grew healthy. He kept praising the plants.

At the end of season he collected many fold happiness from what ever he planted. Now he knows the way of creating happiness.

If you want to increae the sum totals of happiness of this world “just praising those who are unhappy and alone.” Those words are nothing for you but that is every thing for some one.”

marrige or begging

Once upon a time there were two beggars begging around famous temple of the city. One was male and another was female. Female beggar was blind so she sat in a corner. Generally very few people noticed her so she got very few money per day. She was not able to arrange her dinner and lunch in that amount.

The male beggar was healthy so every body thought why he begs? God has given him two hands and two legs then why not he works. At the end of the day he is also not able to collect sufficient money for his dinner.

One day the male beggar came up with a nice idea. He proposed to female beggar for marriage. Female beggar agreed. Both were married in the same temple. They made a wooden vehicle for begging. The female beggar sat in cart and male beggar pulled the cart. They got sufficient money for their survival. One day a rich man came to the temple. He was very happy. He saw the couple begging. He gave him a large sum of money and left.

The male beggar counted the money. It was large money. Couple went to the home as usual. They took their dinner and slept. In the morning female beggar did not found the male partner. She was upset. She waited for two or three days. But he did not come to the house.

Once again she started begging alone. She sat in the corner of temple. One day the same rich man came again. He recognized the female beeper. The rich man asked to female begger,”why are you begging?” The female beggar replied,” I don’t have enough money to eat.” The rich man questioned,”what happened to all those money which I gave to your husband? That money was sufficient for next ten year survival.

Now she realized why he married to her.

मैल

कभी कभी सोचता हूँ तो लगता हैं क्या मिला मुझे जिन्दगी मे।वर्तमान जिन्दगी मे ना तो कोई उल्लास है और ना ही जीने कि इच्छा । जब आदमि के जिने कि इच्छा खतम हो जये तो आदमी बुड्ढा हो जाता है । मै तो जवानि मे हि बुढा हो गया । ज़माने को नही दिखेगा मुझे पता हैं. ऐसि जिन्दगी अखिर कब तक जी सकता हूँ। एक दो दिन तो किसी तरह से गुजारा कर सकता हूँ। मगर पांच – सात साल बहुत मुश्किल हैं। पांच सात साल इसीलिये कयों कि उसके बाद मेरे ऊपर किसी का कर्ज़ नही रहेगा . इतने समय मे माँ बाप सबका कर्ज़ चूका दूंगा . हो सकता हैं फिर इस पांच साल के दरमियाँ इसी तरह से जीने कि आदत भि पड जाये। अगर ऐसा हुआ तो मेरी जिन्दगी के लिए सबसे अच्छा होगा। अब मैं ऐसे ही रोते नही रहना चाहता हूँ। मुझसे अब और रोया नही जाता हैं। जितने आँसू थे सभी बहा दिए मैंने । अब आँखों से आसू कि जगह ख़ून निकलेगा। मैं मज़ाक नही कर रहा अगर आँखों से आँसू ना निकले और आदमी को रोने कि इच्छा हो तो समझियेगा वो आदमी मर गया। उसके जीने कि इच्छा खतम हो गयी। उसके शरिर का ख़ून पानी के सामान है। जिन्दगी बस एक भद्दा मज़ाक है ऐसे आदमी के लिए। और जब ख़ून ही पानी बन जाये तो फिर वो आदमी कब तक जिंदा रह सकता है। कुछ दिनों तक ख़ून का बोतल से काम चला सकता है। मगर ये कोई एक दो दिन का सवाल नही है ये तो पूरे जिन्दगी भर का सवाल है।पता नही भगवन के घर मे ख़ून कि कमी है कया जो आदमियों का ख़ून चूसता है।भगवन को आदमी का ख़ून चूसने मे कोई लाज शरम नही लगता है कया।

भगवन बहुत ही न इन्साफ़ी करता है। किसी को तो रिस्तो नातो कि झोली भर देता है और किसी के झोली भरने मे धडी । प्यार कि जगह धोख और और बेवफाई। नही अब नही करना किसी लडकी से दोस्ती। लडकी नाम से नफरत हो गया है। सेक्स मे कोई रूचि नही। लडकी बस अपने भलाई के लिए लड़कों से खेलती है। प्यार नाम का कोई चीज़ नही होता है दुनिया मे। स्वार्थ सबसे बड़ा चीज़ है और स्वार्थ से बढकर कुछ भी नही है। सभी लोग बस स्वार्थ का गुनगान करते हैं।मैं तो अपना स्वार्थ भी नही सोच सकता। मुझे तो स्वार्थ से भी कुछ नही मिलने वाला। मेरा स्वार्थ यहीं है कि मै अब इस दुनिया से उब गया हूँ और अकेले मे कहीँ चुप चाप रहना चाहता हूँ। आदमी जात से ही नफरत हो गयी है। बिल्कुल अकेला रहना चाह्ता हूँ। मुझे मुम्मी पापा भाई बहन किसी से कुछ लेना देना नही है। परिवार वाले जाये भाड़ मे। किसी ने मेरा कुछ सहायता नही किया है तो फिर आशा लगाए कयों हैं। हर कोई मेरी प्रगति से जलता है। मैं किसी से बात नही करना चाह्ता हू । हर कोई इसी आशा मे प्र्श्न करता है कि मैं किसी परीक्षा मे फेल कर गया हूँ। और जब मेरा रिजल्ट पास का होता है तो सभी लोग मुह बना लेते हैं। परिवार सरिवार सब नाटक है मुझे किसी से कुछ लेना देना नही है। मैं बस अकेले मे अपनी जिन्दगी बिताना चाहता हूँ। वो भी मुझे पता नही कि कब तक मै जिंदा रहूगा । मुझे जिन्दगी जीने के लिए बहुत शक्ति लगाना पड रहा है।

मेरे अन्दर उतनी शक्ति नही है। मुम्मी पापा के कर्ज़ चुकाने के लिए अखिर कब तक जिंदा रहूँगा। मै जल्दी से उनका कर्ज़ चूका के फ्री रुप से इधेर उधेर घूमना चह्ता हूँ। कोई ऋषि मह्त्मा कि संगती मे शायद मन को शांति मिले। अब तो उसके अलावा और कोई रास्ता भी नही है। कुछ कुछ पढ़ते लिखते रहने से दिल को शांति मिलती है। बस अब वहीँ करता रहूगा। जब तक जिंदा हूँ।हे भगवन तुने मेरे साथ ना इन्सफ़ि कि है। तू नरक जाएगा। मुझे पता है। मुझे अब ना तो तुम पे बिस्वास है और ना ही मै तुमसे डरता हूँ। अगर बोलेगा तो अभी दस गली दे दूंगा। भगवन नाम कि कोई चीज़ नही है सब ढोग है। मुझे अब ना तो सभ्यता सन्स्क्रिति मे बिस्वास है और ना ही किसी नियम कानून मे।मै सब नियम कानून को तोड़ सकता हूँ। जब किसी ने मेरा दिल ही तोड़ दिया तो फिर तो बाकी चीजों को तोड़ने का मुझे लाइसेंस मिल गया है। मै कुछ भी कर सकता हूँ और तू देखने के सिवा और कुछ नही कर सकता । आदमी कुछ करने से तभी तक डरता है जब तक कि उसे किसी चीज़ का मोह हो किसी चीज़ से प्यार हो किसी चीज़ से कोई आशा हो । मुझे इन सब मे से किसी चीज़ कि चिन्ता नही। प्यार तो अब हो नही सकता , मोह वो तो खतम हो गया जिस दिन पता चला कि कि सब स्वार्थ का खेल है दुनिया मे आशा तो किसी चीज से हैं ही नही । ये मत समझना कि मै आशा के लिए लिख रहा हूँ । बस मै मन के भडास को बहार निकलने के लिए लिख रहा हूँ। तू समझ ले ये मेरे मन का मैल है जो कि बहार निकलने के बाद मेरे को शांति देता हैं।

Wife role

Wife role

John and Ken both was twin son of Joanna. Mother Joanna loved her son most in the world. She gave equal amount of love to both. She sends them in same day-care. When child became young she sends them in same school. Both brothers are almost similar. They did equally well in examination. Their interests are almost similar. Both loved to play football. They grew older got married.

Elder son married with an educated and a clever girl. Younger married with a girl from village. The educated girl did not able to understand her husband too much. On many occasion she hurtled him. She treated him like a child and fool. Elder son was frustrated with all this. Ken’s wife was good natured and she treated her husband well.

Two or three year later mother invited both sons on a special occasion. Both sons with their wife came to mother house. At the end of party elder son said “mother I don’t want to live with my wife I want to live with you.” Younger son said mother now I love my wife most in this world. I have forgotten you and I want to live rest of my life with my wife. Mother understood everything.

The wife’s is the one who casts the husband. It is wife duty to treat their husband well.

एक और दिन

जब भी कोई मेरी बड़ाई करता है मैं खुस हो जाता हू. आजकल उस समय मेरा नया जनम होता हैं । हर दिन मैं कई बार मरता हूँ और हर दिन मैं कई बार जनम लेटा हूँ। जीने मरने कि यह प्रकिर्या पिछले कई महिनो से चल रहा है। अभी सुबह से एकदम से मरा हुआ मह्सूश कर रह था। जिन्दगी जीना मुश्किल लग रह था। सुबह से बस थका हारा मुझसे कुछ और ना सोचा गया सोचते सोचते मेरा दिमाग फटा जा रह था। मुझसे और नही सोचा गया मैं सो गया।

मगर साला जिन्दगी जब झंड हो तो उस समय सपना भी साथ नही देता है। सपने भी भी मैं सोच ही रहा था। सपने मे भी मैं रो रह था। मुझे रोने कि आदत हो गयी है। मुझे रोने मे मज़ा आने लगा है। जिसको जो सोचना है सोचे मुझे किसी के कुछ कहने और ना कहने से कोई मतलब नही है। मैं सो रहा था और सपने मे रो रह था कि अचानक एक मित्र कि फ़ोन आयी । उन्होने मुझे आयोजन मे बुलाया । मुझे बहुत अच्छा लगता हैं जब लोग मुझे आमंत्रित करते हैं। मुझे पता है कि लोग मुझे बहुत प्यार करते हैं। लोग मेरे से बात करना चाहते है। लोग मेरे साथ रहने मे अच्छा फील करते हैं। मैं लोगों कि बोरियत को कम कर देता हूँ । मैं जहाँ जाता हूँ लोग हसते हैं खुस रहते हैं।मुझे कुछ जयादा खुसी नही मिलती आयोजन मे खाने पिने मे।मगर इन लोगों कि खुसी को देख कर एक समय के लिए अपना गम भूल जाता हूँ। गम भूलने का ये तरीका अच्छा है। इसी तरीके पे अमल कर रहा हूँ। कब तक ऐसे जिन्दगी चलेगी पता नही।
यहीं सब सोचते हुए मैंने अपना कंप्यूटर चालू किया। एक नया ईमेल आया हैं । पढ़ते ही मुझे फिर से एक नयी जिन्दगी मिल गयी। कम से कम इस जिन्दगी कि आयु चार घटा तो होगी ही। कुछ ही घटे पहले मैंने अपने द्वारा लिखे लेख को अपने दोस्तो को ईमेल किया था ।मेरे एक दोस्त ने मेरे दवारा लिखे लेख को padha है। पढा ही नही बल्कि प्रसंषा भी कि हैं । मैंने सुबह मे आज इसी फ़िराक मे मेल किया था कि कोई ना कोई तो कमेंट देगा ही। अखिर मे आ ही गया । जिसका मुझे सुबह से इंतजार था। मुझे बिस्वास था कमेंट आएगा । आज छुट्टी ka दिन है रविवार । लोग तो फ्री ही रहते हैं। मेरा लेख पढ़ लेंगें । ऐसे भी मेरे लिए छुट्टी के दिन जीना मुश्किल हो जाता है। हमेशा वहीँ सवाल। हमेश वहीँ पूराना पास्ट । मगर आज भर के लिए मुझे फिर से जिन्दगी मिल गयी । मैं मरते मरते जी गया अब किसी और कमेंट कि जरूरत नही कमसे कम आज भर ।

 एक कमेंट एक दिन के लिए बहुत है। ऐसे भी मैं लालची आदमी नही हूँ। अगर जयादा लालच किया तो बाद मे हार्ट अटैक आने का दर है। अपनी आदत खराब नही करना चाहता हूँ इसी लिए जयादा कमेंट नही मांगता हूँ। ऐसे भी जयादा कमेंट मेरे पेट मे पछता नही है। पेट का रोगी हूँ। इसी लिए सोच समझ के कमेंट निगलता हूँ। और तो और अनजान व्यक्ति का कमेंट खाने मे बहुत दर लगता है। कया पता कोई अगर खाने कोई विष मिल के दे दे तो कया हो जायगा।मैं मरना जरूर चाहता हूँ मगर किसी और कि गोली खा के नही । पिछला अनुभव है एक बार बहुत जोरदार कमेंट आया था मैं तो पढ़ के चकित रह गया। सपने मे भी नही सोचा था कि मैं इतना घटिया आदमी हूँ। तभी से अनजान आदमी से बहुत दर गया हूँ। फूक फूक के कदम रखता हूँ। जिंदगी से हार गया हूँ .

बस इसी तरह का कुछ कुछ होते रहे और जीने कि इच्छा बनी रहे भगवन से इतना ही विनती करता हूँ।

Logical Acceptance

It is very easy to say that accept the life as it is. What is the point of brooding over past. What is the point of keep crying those incidents which was not in my control? What is the point of wasting your present in memory of past. I agree. I know all these sentences which give motivation for life. But these quotes do provide sufficient energy for a day. my mind keep looking in the past. The memory does not listens the logic. Memory does not understand the language of mind. You can not make fool yourself by argument. I agree that it is good to forget past and start a new life. I agree that bad past only gives me sadness and sorrow. But knowing all this does not matter for me. Some time these logics become stronger and I start feeling well. In those moments I felt like a live person. I felt an infinite energy hidden inside me. I felt like I can do anything in this world. I felt myself like a great thinker, a great person, a great writer. In those happy moments I don’t care what happened to the past. I feel my self alone and I become happy. Writing is another way of getting happiness. I write and sadness from mind goes onto the paper. Lack of emotions always result in happiness. I take advantage of this. I try to divert my mind from thinking. I try to keep busy myself busy in some other stuff.

But I don’t get much enthusiasm for doing any thing. I start my day with enthusiasm but suddenly once again every thing keeps running in my flash back. I don’t enjoy that painful emotion but also I don’t want to leave them to wonder in a desert. That’s why when it comes I give sufficient nutrition. More the thinking more the depression and more the sadness. In sad state of my mind I don’t find any reason to live the life. I wanted to die. I wanted to take a ticket for hell. But unfortunately as soon these thinking come another parallel thinking also comes. It says what I will get after dying. It is better to live unhappily and do something for the society. What ever contribution I can make, make it. I started to think about my contributition to the society. I desire to contribute something. But no hope I don’t have energy to work. So once again I felt depressed. I don’t fond any reason for my life.

The life of other people seems a joke to me because most of them don’t know what they are doing, what is the point of their doing? They are doing that’s it. Before starting any work I think why I am doing what id the point of my doing. One year back I never asked such questions. But now I think only about them. Life changes so drastically I never realized. My life became hell only in one year.

But even in unhappy sate of mind some time I feel good. Good because I try to accept my self as it is. I give logic to my mind that it was all in my fate. How can I ignore or control my fate. What ever is there will remain there. I have to accept my self as I am. No need to make myself happy by force. This is a logical acceptance. I accept because all this was my fate and how can I avoid my fate.

Living in present

Living in present

The mother served the plate to his son. The plate was having rice, curry, vegetable and some sweets. The obedient son started to eat. Mother sat beside him. The son kept his sweets at the edge of plate and started to eat other stuffs. Mother intervened in his dinner and said “why not you eat sweet with other stuffs?” It will make your meal enjoyable and delicious. Son replied – no mother I will eat it at last. I want a good taste at the end of meal. I want end is delicious I don’t need any enjoyment in the middle of dinner. Mother did not argue much. She kept gossiping with his son and son kept eating his dinner. In gossiping he kept his finger at the edge of plate, unfortunately plate lost its balance and sweets dropped on the dirty floor.

We generally keep waiting for best moments in life. We save every thing for future. We think that we will enjoy in future. We don’t care our present in hope of future.

टेस्ट

आप अपनी बीबी से प्यार करते हैं या फिर सेक्स इस बात को पता करने का एक नुक्सा मैं बता सकता हूँ। बात थोडा सा असलिल है मगर कया करें लिखने का मन कर रहा है इसी लिए लिख देता हूँ। आप हमको जितना गाली देना हो दे लीजिये मगर मुझे मन किया सो लिख रह हूँ। दो चार वाक्य मे सब जल्दी से खतम करता हूँ नही तो माला गरम हो जाएगा। हाँ तो आप कैसे पता करेगें। ya आप के पास कोई तरकीब है जानने के लिए । अगर नही है तो हाकिम उस्मानी का दिया हुआ तरकीब अपनाये । दरिये मत प्यार हो या ना हो उससे कोई फरक नही पड़ता है। अपकी बीबी तो आपकी ही बीबी रहेगी ना। कोई चुरा थोड़े ना लेगा और मेरे कुछ कह देने से कोई फरक नही पड़ने वाला। और तो और इस लेख को पढने के बाद भी आप कि मरजी । चाहे तो मुझे दो चार गाली दे दीजिए या फिर मेरी बातो पे बिस्वास कीजिये। तो घूमा फिरा के बात यहाँ पे अटकी कि सब आपकी मरजी। जो चाहे कीजिये।

हाँ तो आजकल आप अपनी बीबी के कितने दिन के अंतराल पर कर रहे हैं। अरे वहीँ । खुल खुल के बोलने का मेरे अन्दर मे साहस नही हो रह है। कहीँ मेरा इन्टरनेट पेर से कनेक्शन ना उड़ जाये इसी लिए कोड वर्ड मे बात कर रहे हैं। कया बोले आजकल सप्ताह मे चार समय । सही है गुरू सही जा रहे हैं। खैर कितना कब कहॉ कैसे और कयों से मेरे कुछ लेना देना नही है। सब अपकी मरजी। बीबी आपकी । हाँ मैं तो बात बात कर रहा था सम्भोग के बाद कि । बाप रे बाप ये सब शब्द लिखने मे भी द्दर लगता है। हाँ तो कया आप सम्भोग के बाद अलग अलग हो के सो जाते हैं। नही । तो फिर साथ साथ लिपट के सो जाते हैं। खैर जैसा अपकी इच्छा । हम यहाँ पे टेस्ट बताते हैं।
अगर आप अलग अलग हो के सो जाते हैं तो ज़रा एक दिन बीबी जी से पूछ के देखियेगा कि उनको कैसा लगता है। वो जरूर कहेगी कि उनको अच्छा नही लगता है। कुछ समझ मे आया हम कया कहना चाह रहे हैं। हाँ जनाब हम यहीं कह रहे हैं कि अगर ऐसा है तो आप अपनी बीबी को प्यार नही करते हैं। आप अपनी बीबी को एक सेक्स कि वस्तु समझते हैं। मुझे पता है कि आप मेरी बात को नही मानेगें ।
अगर इस्थिति दुसरी वाली है तो फिर आप अपनी बीबी को प्यार करते हैं। सच मुच का प्यार। कोई झूठ मूठ नही। अगर आप प्यार करते है फिर आपके लिए सेक्स उतना महत्वपूर्ण नही होता है। आप दुसरे कि फीलिंग्स को जानते हैं और आप दुसरे को खुश रखने कि कोसिस करते हैं।
ना तो मैं शादी शुदा हूँ और ना ही कुछ कभी गड़बड़ किया हूँ। अनुभव के आधार पे ये बात कह रहा हूँ। अनुभव पढने लिखने और सोचने समझने से आया है। गलत भी हो सकता है। मगर मैंने लिख दिया। फ्री का काजग और कलम का उपयोग किया .

Preaching

Preach

It was around three months back when I started to write. At that time I did not know what I should write? I just wrote what ever came to my mind. Neither my English vocabulary is very good nor is my grammar very good. Still I continued to write. I got comments and felt very good. The writer sleeping inside me awoke and I took a decision to write. At that time for me writing means write what ever comes to my mind. I did the same I kept writing what ever came to my mind. I wrote some article and got comment. I felt good. My writing skills also sharpen and as a result my inner writer got confidence.

My inner writer wanted to test some thing else. I did what ever he said. I changed my topic of writing and started to write moral story; of course the live story directly from real world. Time passed I started to felt bored with these story writing. Basically I realized that these stories have nothing to say. What ever I want to say to reader I can tell in one sentence. No point of writing all this flowery language for giving a moral lesson. And more appropriately I was knowing that these morals are not going to change any body so what is the point of keep writing.
I took another turn and started to write long story thirty to forty pages from my life, may be short novel. Once again I lost interest. I did not have any motivation for writing. I know who I am then what is the point of telling the world? What is the point of writing? I thought I can make money. I tried but no hope. No body reads story these days. I know my stories are not good. There are a lot of illegal websites then what is the point of wasting time in reading this story.
Up to this point of time I was almost addict of writing. Nobody reads but still I write. Writing for me is very difficult. I don’t find any motivation. I don’t care about comment. Comment is not a part of motivation. Some time I get comment, I felt good. But I don’t know the credibility of person who is commenting. I don’t know how intellectually he is sound. So it is either praise or abuse don’t matter much for me. I am utter egoist and think most of the person below than my mental level. I love every body but from the very inner of my heart I treat every act of human being as a part of selfishness.

Now a day I don’t find much motivation to write story or novel or any article. I can do only one thing the preaching. Preaching is easiest job to do, I know. By preaching no body is going to change I know. Why any body will believe in my preaching I know. But still I want to preach. From preaching I satisfy my ego. And ego satisfaction gives me pleasure that’s why I want to preach. I can preach for whole life. Only thing if I can manage my dinner and lunch from preching.

Interpretation

Interpretation
How do you see the world is depends upon who you are? In this article we are going to discuss an important point of daily life। Have you ever observed that same street looks some day very beautiful and same street looks very ugly another day, same pedestrian looks enthusiastic some day and the same pedestrian looks very depressed another day, same sun looks very bright some day and the same sun looks very gloomy another day.

Well there some time actually it happens due to the change in pedestrian mood, sun brightness or street cleanness. But most of the time it is due to the change in our mood. Yes, I mean we see the object with own eye. It is our eye which associates value with the object. It is not the object which is bright or gloomy. It is our eye which makes thing beautiful or ugly.
Let us discuss in more detail. One day we went to office. We found a letter is kept on my desk. We read it, fire from job. Totally unbalanced from mind. Took the bus for house. We come with a very depressed mood from the office. We don’t talk to anybody. We don’t see any face joyful, every house looks like died. Lamp posts are telling the end of life. Talked rudely to wife.
On the opposite consider the day when you got the job offer. You ran in the way to office. You said hi and hello to every one coming in the way. You gave some money to beggar and you ate some banana in the way and left the change money with him. Who cares for two or three rupees? It does not matter. Every building looks like smiling, every thing is joyful, and every girl is beautiful

What is the meaning? We see only the things what ever we want to see। And what we want to see is depends upon what we are? And what we want depends upon present and past knowledge of our selves। We react to a situation only on the basis of our knowledge। It is possible that one guy after losing the job is not depressed at all and other guy did suicide after losing the job. For him loosing job was every thing but for other it was just an incidence. He knows losing a job is not the end of life. He has a lot of things to do. He knows life has broader meaning than a job. He lefts office with a very static mind and see every passenger at bus in the same way as he was observing from last two years. He is slightly depressed but he knows that losing and gaining a part of life. It happens. Now it is our choice how to interpret the situation. Some people say this thinking as attitude in other words. I mean how you interpret the things is totally your choice. How you see the things id totally your choice.

You can make a lot of fun in the same thing and you can weep a lot after the same incidence. So, we should to realize the fact it is not the object which is good or bad it is our eye which makes things good or bad. It is we who see the things with our selfish eye.

आन्लाईन मनी महाराज

मै पिछ्ले कई दिनो से बलोग बज़ी कर रहा हू । इसी फ़िराक मे कुछ पैसा बैसा का जुगार हो जयेगा । नही नही मै जूथ बोल रहा हू । पैसा का तो बहाना है । सही बात तो ये है कि मै इस जाल मे फ़स गया हू । निकलने का कोइ रास्ता हि नज़र नही आ रहा है । और मुझे इसी मे मज़ा आ रहा है । मैने बहुत कोसिस किया मगर पैसा बढ ही नहि रहा है । जस का तस । एक ब्लोग दो ब्लोग तीन ब्लोग यहा तक कि चार ब्लोग एक हि दिन मे धडाधड छाप दिया मगर कोइ फ़यदा नहि साला पैसा वहि का वही । इतने समय मे तो आइस्क्रीम बेचते तो जयादा मिल जाता । मुझे तो लग रहा है कि ये ब्लोग्बाजी का धन्धा ऐसे हि फ़ोकट मे चल रहा है । सब के सब बेब्कूफ़ है का । मुझे तो डाउट होता है । ना एक दो हो सकता है । सब सब तो नहि हो सकता है । दाल मे काला कुछ जरूर है ।

यही सब सोच के थोडा इन्टरनेत पे मैने थोडा सर्च वर्च मारा ।ये क्या । हम तो गलत रास्ते पर चल रहे थे । साला कहानी कथा लेख लिखने से कुछ नही होने वाला है ।आज कल किस्के पास समय है कहानी पढ्ने या फिर कथा सुनने का ।अगार पैसा कमाना है तो सुचना लिखो, टिप्स लिखो, हाउ टु लिखो, आजकल ये सब बहुत चल रहा है । और अगर और ज्यदा पैस कम्अने का शौक है तो कमप्युटर बाबा से सम्बन्धित बात लिखो । आजकल जिसको देखो वो यही लिख रहा है । मुझे कम्पुतेर के बारे मे जयादा आता हि नहि इसिलिये कथा कहानी के फ़ेर मे पड गये । मुझे तो आज भि बिस्बास है कि कथा कहनी से पैसा निक्लेगा । आखिर भग्बान सब्को देख रहा है । करम करते जाओ फ़ल कि चिन्ता मत करो ।अरे भाई हम्अ कहा फ़ल कि आशा कर रहे है । हम तो आशा कि किरण देखने के फ़िराक मे है । कही से कोइ किरण हि नहि दिखता है ।ऐसे फ़्री मे लिखे तो कब तक लिखे । कोइ सुरज भग्वान का अत्ता पता बता दे तो उससे भी काम चला लेगे । ऐसे भि सभी लोग कह्ते है हम सन्तोसी आदमी है ।वो तो है सन्तोसी है तो ये लेख लिख रहे है नहि तो ऐसे फ़्री का समय कौन खराब करता है । फ़्री समय मे लड्की घूरेगे कि लेख लिखेगे हम इतना भि बेब्कूफ़ नही है भाई । हिन्दी मे लिखते है इसका ये मतलब थोडे ना है अग्रेजी मे कया चल रहा है पता नही चलता है।

हा तो मै पैसा वाला बात कर रहा था । अगर आपको सच मुच मे पैसा कमाना है तो सुनिये सबसे पहले कथा कहनी लिखना बन्द किजिये ।ये लिखना शुरु किजिये कि हाउ टु मेक मनी आनलईन । अगर आप आनलाईन मनी मेकिग के चएम्पियन बनना चाह्ते है तो आज हि शुरु कर दिजिये । आप ये मत सोचिये कि आप को कुछ नहि आता है । अप्अको सब आता है ।मैने धासु धासु आन्लाईन मनी मेकर का इतिहास पढा है सबने यही किया है । आप करे या ना करे मै तो चला लिखने हाउ टु मेक मनी आन्लाईन । इस्के बाद मे लिखूगा १० बेस्ट टिप्स फ़ार आन्लाईन मनी मेकिग ।
जय हो आन्लाईन मनी महाराज

बस जीते जाओ

बस जिते जाओ
नही मैं मरूंगा नही, मैं जिंदा रहूँगा । मैं अपने लिए नही तो लोगों के लिए जिन्दा रहूगा। लोग मुझे बहुत प्यार करते हैं, लोग मुझे बहुत आदर करते हैं, लोग मेरे से बात करना पसन्द करते हैं, लोग मुझे पार्टी मे बुलाते हैं। मैं लोगों का मनोरंजन करता हूँ. बदले मे लोग मुझे प्यार देते हैं. मैं मरूंगा नही . मरने से तो अच्छा है जोकर बन के रहना। एक दम से फिलिम मेरा नाम जोकर टाईप वाला जोकर। राजकपूर टाईप का जोकर। जिन्दगी के अंत मे कुछ मिले या ना मिले खुसी तो इस बात कि मिलेगी कि मैंने लोगों को हसाया । लोगों से अच्छा से बात किया। लोगों ने मुझे प्यार किया और मैंने लोगों को प्यार किया। अन्दर से भले मैं रोता रहा मगर बाहर से तो हसता रहा। अन्दर कि बात कौन जानता है। सभी लोग आजकल बाहर बाहर देखते हैं। मैं तो बाहर बाहर दिखाने मे माहिर हूँ। वहीँ करता रहूँगा जिन्दगी भर उपर से हसता दिखाने का काम .। कोई मुश्किल नही है। शुरू शुरू मे थोडा प्रॉब्लम होगा मगर बाद मे सब थिक हो जायगा मुझे पता है। एक बार अगर सूरज के तरफ मुह किया है तो अब पीछे नही देखूँगा । छाया से ऐसे भी डर लगता है।। जो हो जैसा हो बस आगे बढ़ता जाऊँगा । बिप्पती सिपत्ति से डर के कौन भाग रहा है। वो तो आते ही रहेंगें । बहुत बार जीने का कोई कारण भी नही दिखाई देगा। मगर इतना क्या सोचना जिंदगी जीने के लिए कारण का होना कया जरूरी है। इतने लोग जी रहे हैं। सभी को कारन पता है कया। नही ना। फिर तो भिड़ मे एक और आदमी । जब सब को जीने का मकसद पता नही है तो मेरे भी पता नही होने से कया बिगाड़ जायगा। और जहाँ तक दर्द का सवाल है, दुनिया मे मेरे से जयदा दुःखी लोग हैं। एक से एक दुःखी लोग। वो लोग क्या जी नही रहे हैं। वो जी रहें हैं ना। तो मै कयों नही जी सकता हूँ।

दुनिया मे कितना गुम है मेरा दर्द कितना कम है वाला गाना हमही जैसे लोग को ध्यान मे रखते हुए लिखा गया है। कवि भी कया चीज़ होता है। उसे ये सब बात कैसे पता चल जाता है कि दुनिया मे लोग बहुत पीड़ित हैं। बहुत दुखित हैं। वो सब कि बात को कैसे समझ जाता है। मुझे तो लगता है कि हर कवि भी दुःख झेले होता है। हर कवि कस्ट मे होता है। हर कवि अन्दर से रोता रहता है। बिना दुःख का अनुभव किये कोई ऐसा गाना लिख ही नही सकता है। मैं भी सोच रहा हूँ कुछ गाना साना कयों ना लिखना शुरू कर दूं । मगर मुझे ताल छन्द मिलाने नही आता है यहीं प्रॉब्लम है। नहि तो लिख्नना शुरु कर देता।भगवान ने मेरी जिन्दगी जिस रुप मे दी है मै उसी रुप मे अपनी जिन्दगी को स्वीकार करता हू. जैसा हू वैसा स्विकार करना कोइ साधारण बात है क्या ।

मेरी ही जिन्दगी है , मै लोगों के लिए जिन्दा रहूँगा. लोगोन ने मुझे प्यार क्या है । मुझे प्यार कि भूख है । मुझे पता है लोग मुझे बहुत प्यार करते हैं. मुझे पता है कि मई संसार के काम आ सकता हूँ. मुझे पता है कि अगर मै केवल जिन्दा रह गया तो बहुत कुछ कर सकता हूँ. मुझे सब पता है. ये सब जानते हुये भी जीने से कभी कभि मन उचट जाता है । अकेलापन चीज ही कुछ ऎसी है. अखिर जिओ तो किसके लिए. काम करो तो किसके लिए. नही गीता मे श्री कृष्ण ने सही बोला है जो अपने लिए जीते वो तो पापी हैं.. दुसरे के लिये जिना हि सही ज़िन्दगि है. अप्ने लिये तो कोइ जि ले । भगवन ने मुझे पापि होने से बचा लिया।

हम अकेले आये हैं और एके ही जाना है तो फिर किसि के बारे मे सोचना आदमी कि मुर्ख्ता है. हमारी जिन्दगी भगवन ने अकेले बनायीं थी अकेले ज़ीने के लिए. और हमलोग प्यार मोहब्बत के चक्कर मे फ़स गये. सब गड्बड हो गया ।

पोंगा पंथी राम

चलिये साहब आप से एक सवाल पूछते हैं। अगर आप से पूछा जाये कि क्या आप एक वेश्या से शादी कर लेंगें , तो आपका कया जवाब होगा। पहले तो आप को कुछ समझ मे ही नही आएगा कि कया पूछ दिया । फिर आप एक मिनट रुकेंगें फिर तुरंत बोलेंगें हाँ हाँ कयों नही शादी करने मे कया दिक्कत है । बिल्कुल कर लेंगे। इस बात का उत्तर थोडा आपके वक्तित्व से भी सम्बंधित हैं। हम मान के चल रहे हैं कि आप बहुत ही समझदार ऎंड उन्नत किस्म के इन्सान हैं। आप कहें गें वेश्या से कया प्रोबेल्म है। अगर वो मुझसे से शादी करने को तैयार है और हम उससे शादी करने को तैयार हैं तो प्रॉब्लम
कया है। आरे भाई कोई ना कोई तो शादी करेगा ही ना। अगर सभी लोग शुद्ध चरित्र वाली लडकी खोजते फिरेंगें तो फिर ये वेश्या से शादी कौन करेगा। वो तो बिन वयाहे रह जायेगी। उसकी कया गलती है। भगवन ने उसे उतना पैसा नही दिया सो उसे इस काम मे जाना पड़ा। उसकी मजबूरी का ज़माने ने फायदा उठाया है।

आप बड़ी उची उची बातें करेंगें। आप अपनी ही नज़रों मे एक समय के लिए महान बन जायेंगें। हम तो आप जैसे लोगों के चरण छूयेंगें सर जी । बस आप जैसे ही कुछ इन्सान कि तलाश है। मगर एक बहुत बड़ा प्रॉब्लम है । दलील देना और उस पे अमल करने मे बहुत का अंतर हैं। कहने और करने मे आस्मान जमींन का फरक है। आपके उपर जैसे ही बरी आएगी आप पीछे हट जयियेगा। शत प्रतिशत मेरा आजमाया हुआ नुक्सा है। जब तक आप किसी परिस्थिति के बारे मे जानते नही तब तक उसके परिणाम का कुछ हवा ही नही रहता है अपको । आप अपने आप को महान समझ बैठते हैं दुर्भाग्य बस। मगर जैसे ही आपकी बारी आती है आप भीगी बिल्ली बन जाते हैं।

जब आपको पता चलेगा कि आप जिसके साथ रह रहे हैं वो तो पहले ही किसी को अपना तन दे चुकी है। आपका नींद उड़ जायगा। दिन दुनिया कि पूरा बीरान दिखने लगेगा। अरे जब राम जैसे लोगों का हालत पुख्ता हो गया तो आप किस खेत कि मुली हैं। कौन कहता है कि राम भगवन थे। कौन कहता है राम मर्यादा पुर्शोतम थे। सब नाटक है। सब बनी बनायीं बातें है। जब मर्यादा पुर्शोताम थे तो फिर सीते माता का टेस्ट कयों लिए। लोग कहते हैं समाज के दर से उन्होने सीता का टेस्ट लिया। वह रे राम । जेसा राजा वैसी प्रजा। जेसा लोग कहेंगें वैसा ही आप करोगे। आप कि अपनी बुद्धि मर गयी है कया। आप तो द्रिस्तंत पुरुष थे। आप के ऐसा करने से कितना घटा हुआ आपको कुछ पता भी है। आप तो चुपके से सीता का टेस्ट ले के पतली गली से निकल लिए । मगर यहं पिर्थ्वी पे कया क्या हुआ कुछ खबर भी आपको।

जानता ने आपको देखा देखी कया कया विचार बना लिए वेश्या के बारे मे। वेश्या मतलब समाज का सबसे पतित इन्सान। अबला नारी को कोई नही मदद कर सकता। जो मदद करेगा वो भी बहुत दुःखी हो जाएगा। कोई कयों करे वेश्या से शादी । समाज साथ नही देता। लोग बुरा समझते हैं। खैर लोग कि किसको परवाह। जिसको जो समझना है समझे असली पंगा तो अपने आप से हो जाता है। हमारा ही मन बार बार कयों आ के कहता है कि एक वेश्या से शादी करना अच्छी बात nahi। वेश्या अच्छी लडकी नही। उससे से शादी करके ना तो तुम खुश रह पाओगे ना वो । समर्पण और शादी कि बात अलग अलग है। वाह रे राम कया सभ्यता बनायीं तुने।

कया पश्चिम मे रहने वाले सभी लोग मुरुख ही है । जो एक बार बिबहित औरत से भी शादी करने मे कोई परहेज नही करते। सब तुम्हारी चाल है। तुम्ही ने सब गड़बड़ कि। गलत सलत नियम चला के। सब के मन मे कूदा कचरा भर के। जब तुम्हारी सभ्यता इतनी ही पतिव्रता है तो फिर ये सेक्स का बाज़ार इतना गरम क्यों है। कुछ नही मुझे ये तुम्हारी सभ्यता ढोंग लगता है। सब पोंगा पंथी है।
अगले जनम मे ये गलती फिर से मत दुहराना।

झुनझुना

मुझे ये बात समझ मे नही आती कि कोई किसी का ब्लोग क्यों पढता हैं। सब के सब मूरख हैं। शत प्रतिशत बुद्धू। क्या हो जाएगा ये ब्लोग लिखने और पढने से । आज से चार साल पहले दुनिया नही थी कया ? जब ये ब्लोग बाजी नही था आदमी भूखा था कया ? या फिर बिना ब्लोग के विचार क्रान्ति कि कमी थी . जिसको देखो वहीँ ब्लोग लिख रह हैं। पढने आये या ना आये लिखते जाओ. वाह रे वाह ब्लोग . हम तो लेखक हैं लिखेगें । पढना है पढो नही तो रास्ता नापो. ऐसे मे तो साला लेखकों के बीच प्रतियोगिता का कुछ अता पता ही नही चलेगा। साला कहीँ सच्चा लेखक ना मात खा गए इस चक्कर मे। मुझे तो दर हैं. नही सच्चा लेखक कभी ब्लोग बाजी नही करता है। वो तो इश्क बाजी करता है। हाँ इश्क बाजी । अपनी प्रेमिका से वो भी कलम से कागज पर। कागज कलम दावत ला लिख दे दिल पे नाम तेरे।

साला ब्लोग बाजी से पैसा जमा होने तो रह। कौन पढता है फालतू का लेख। अगर कोई पढता है तो मुरुख है। और गलती से देख भी लिया एक सरसरी निगाह से तो उससे कोई लिखने वाले को कोई पैसा नही मिल जाएगा। थिक है हम मानते हैं कि गीता मे कहा गया है कि कार्य करते जाओ फल कि चिन्ता मत करो। लिखते जाओ पढने वाले कि चिन्ता मत करो। थिंक है भैया हम लिखते जायेंगें। मगर मेरी रोजी रोटी कहॉ से आएगा। फ्री मे लिखाई नही होता है घंटे लगते हैं टाईप करने मे और उपर से एलेक्ट्रिसिटी और इन्टरनेट का बिल अलग। इतना होने के बाद कोई पढ़ेगा या देख के तरका देगा कौन जानता है। किसके पास आज इतना सब पढने का समय है। जो पढे सो बेबकूफ और जो लिखे सो मुरुख। और जो अपने लिखाई से पैसा कि आशा करे उसकी तो बात ही मत कीजिये, महा मुरुख । हम तो समझ गए कि हम महामुरुख हैं। वक़्त रहते समझ जाओ इसी मे भलाई है। अभी कुछ जयादा नही बिगडा है। जीवन को दाव पे लगा के ब्लोग बजी करने का कोई मतलब नही। हाँ बुड्ढा हो जाओ, रिटायर हो, घर पे आराम से बैठे हो, तो दो कलम लिखने मे कुछ नही जाता है। साठ साल के बाद ब्लोग लिखने मे कोई हरज नही है।
अगर सही मे पैसा कमाना का विचार है तो सबसे पहले ब्लोग बाजी छोडो। कयों कि यहाँ ब्लोग बाजी मे सभी निठल्ले लोग पडे है। वहीँ लोग जिनको ना तो कुछ आधो से लेना और ना ही माधो का कुछ देना। अरे हमे इन आदो -पादो से अलग हटना है। अपनी जगह बनानी है। हटो भैया जरा आगे जाने दो।

हाँ तो मैं कह रह था कि पता नही लोग आजकल कयों ये ब्लोग पढ़ते हैं। क्या मिलता है उनको हमारा फ्र्स्तेरेसन पढने से .। जाने क्या हासिल कर लेते हैं मेरे पर्सनल लाइफ को पढ़ के।कौन सा तीर मारा जाएगा देश का इन मुरुख blog को पढ़ के। हर आदमी तो वही लिखता हैं जिस हिसाब से वो दिनुया को देखता है। हर आदमी कि आँखों से दुनिया दुसरे तरह कि दिखाई देता है। हर आदमी अपने आंख कि बात लिखता है। तो फिर उसको पढने कि कया जरूरत है। जब जानते ही हैं कि सब अलग अलग देखते हैं तो पढ़ के कया हो जायगा। किसी के कुछ पढने लिखने से कोई ना तो परिवर्तित हुआ है और ना ही भविष्य मे कभी होगा। परिवर्तन इतना आसान नही। फिर भी पता नही किस आशा मे लोग लिखे जाते हैं। ये गूगल बाबा कया ना आया कि मानो सबको झुनझुना मिल गया हो। जिसको देखो वहीँ अपना झुनझुना बजा रह है। हम कहते झुनझुना बजाने से तो अच्छा है कि शंख फूको। शंख फुकने से भगवन भक्ती भी होगी और आत्मा को शांति भी।और अगर किसी को तुम्हारा शंख नाद सुनाई पड़ा तो वो प्रसाद खाने के लिए चला ही आएगा। और अगर गांधीजी मे थोडा बहुत बिस्वास है तो फिर झुनझुना फेको कतली उठाओ। कतली मे गुन बहुत हैं सदा रखिये संग।
और अगर झुनझुना से इतना ही प्रेम है तो अच्छा झुनझुना कयों नही बजाते हो। बाज़ार मे आजकल अच्छा वाला झुनझुना बहुत सस्ते सस्ते दाम मे मिल रह है। एक से एक ब्रांड का झुनझुना है। प्रेमचंद ब्रांड, रेनू ब्रांड, भारती ब्रांड। अच्छा देशी ब्रांड मे बिस्वास नही है। कोई बात नही आजकल इम्पोर्टेड माल भी बाज़ार मे सस्ता हो गया है। शेक्स्पार ब्रांड आजकल ४ रूपये किलो के हिसाब से बिक रह है। दो चार किलो उठा कयों नही लेते। भारी लगता है । झूठ बोलते हो। रिक्शा तो मिलता है। रिक्शा पे रख के घर ले आओ ।। रिक्से वाले का भी कल्याण होगा तुम्हारे झुनझुना से . मगर तुमसे ऐसा नही होगा मुझे पता है। अपना झूनाझूना सबसे प्यारा। कोई सुने चाहे ना सुने हम तो बजायेंगें। कोई देखे या फिर ना देखे हम तो नाचेंगें।

कौन मन करता है नाचो – गाओ और ख़ूब बजाओ मगर इस नाच गान से कया हो जाएगा मुझे पूरा अच्छा से पता है। फिर आप कहेंगें हम कयों नाच रहे हैं। सही सवाल । देखिए भाई हर नाच गान मे कोई ना कोई हेड तो होता ही है जो कि डायरेक्शन देता है। बस ये समझ लीजिये कि हम नाचने वाले को डायरेक्शन देंगें कि कैसे नाचो , कब नाचो, और कहॉ नाचो। अगर कोई आय वाय किया तो फिर तो जय सिया राम। हम किसी से डरते नही और हम किसी पे मरते नही। हाँ एक पे मरते थे मगर धोखा दे गयी।

हाँ तो झुनझुना वालो सुनो। फालतू का झुनझुना बजाने से कोई फायदा नही। कुछ ऐसा बजाओ जिसमे सुर तल हो, कुछ ऐसा सुनाओ जिससे हमारा कल्याण हो, कुछ ऐसा नाचो कि देखने वाला कहे वाह रे नाच। मज़ा आ गया।

और अगर नाचना नही आता तो जा के कुछ ब्रांच बाला झुनझुना खरीदो और पहले उसी झुनझुना से प्रक्टिस करो। फिर देखो कया नाच होता है। सभी लोग आयेंगें तवायफ़ का डान्स देखने। गारंटी। पूजा मे नाचो , शादी मे नाचो, इलेक्शन मे नाचो छाम्मा छाम्मा .

Why other woman?

Why other woman?

What is the core desire of a human being in this life? To love and to be loved, that’s it. Even if, you love some body or not but still you keeping hoping for loved. We all are selfish in deep inside. Why all this business of prostitution going on, why all this porn movies, why all this strip club? No body likes then still why it runs. Every body feels shame to discuss about porn. But still business is growing very fast. There are a lot of customers for this business. I am talking about a special type of customer here. I am talking about “why a married man looks for sex in the market”? Why he did not find every thing in his wife? Why he goes in search for other woman?
Well, very difficult say any thing। Case is very complicated. Once again to simplify the situation we are talking about a special type of husband. Let us say this husband has never thought to cheat his wife. He imagined that he will live with her wife and he will do faithfulness with her after marriage. Every thing goes right for some year after marriage but suddenly he started to loose interest in her wife. Once again there is a lot of reason; here I am summing the effect of all this type of reasons. What ever is the reason but result is same in all the cases.

What is the reason? Well, answer is loneliness. Feeling loneliness is worst emotion which can have this human life. Once you feel alone. Every thing losses its meaning. You don’t care about your wife. You don’t care for your future. You don’t care about your career. You don’t care your son. But why this loneliness happens?
Good point। Once again thousands of reason for this, but sum for all this reason is same. Lack of to be loved. Once a husband feels that his wife does not love him much and he feels alone. Every human seeks love. What ever be the age he remains a child from love point of view. Once he does not get love he becomes frustrated. Some of frustration comes in form of suicide, some transforms in form of divorce and some diverted in terms of sex.

Going apart from marriage is not so easy for some people. They are afraid of society. They are not so strong. They are living in marriage but this marriage has no meaning. They are together just for their convenience. This type of marriage has no meaning. So, sex in the market is only option for getting happiness for such a person. Person as a whole might be very good but for him life has no much meaning. Every body works only in a hope of to be loved.

शेर या गीदड़

साहब आप अपने बच्चे को क्या बनाना चाहते है। दो उत्तर हैं – शेर या गीदड़ । आप कहेंगें ये कैसा सवाल हैं। कौन बेबकूफ बाप होगा जो अपने बच्चे को गीदड़ बनाना चाहेगा। मगर साहब दुर्भाग्य इसी बात का है कि आप ना चाहते हुए भी अपने बच्चे को गीदड़ बना रहे हैं। मैं कोई अलग चक्की का पिसा हुआ नही हूँ। मैं भी गीदड़ ही हूँ। मेरे बाबु जी चाहते तो थे कि मेरा पुत्र शेर बने । एक दम से असली शेर । मगर वो हो नही सका । और अब ये आलम है । होता भी कैसे पढने मे इतने मशगूल हो गए कि हम तो भूल ही गए कि हम शेर बनने के लिए पढ रहे है। क्लास एक से क्लास दो , क्लास दो से क्लास चार और क्लास चार से क्लास दस धडाधड पार करते गये । दौड़ भाग मे किसको कहा खबर कि किसे क्या बनना है। मेरे साथ भी बही हुआ जो सबके साथ होता है । साहब मैं सच बोलता हूँ , ये पढ़ाई लिखाई से आदमी गीदड़ ही बनता हैं। गीदड़, शत प्रतिशत गीदड़। जितना जयादा पढो उतना अच्छा गीदड़। अपको बिस्वास नही आ रहा होगा । हम सावित कर के दिखा सकते हैं।

अच्छा चलिये सावित करने कि कोसिस करते हैं। मान लोजिये कि हम बिल्कुल देहाती अनपढ़ गवार हैं। लिख लोधा पढ़ पत्थर सोलह दूनी आठ। अब हम जैसे जाहिल गवार कभी कभी कभी बाज़ार तो जाते ही हैं। कभी कभी बस मे भी बैठते हैं। एक रोज मान लीजिये कि मैं बस मे बैठ के पटना के सफ़र पे निकल गया हूँ। खुदा ना खास्ते रस्ते मे दुर्घटना हो गयी। एक बस दुसरे बस से जा के टकरा गया। मगर आल्लाह का शुकिरिया अदा कीजिये कि किसी को कुछ हुआ नही सभी सही शालामत। किसी किसी को थोड़ी बहुत चोट आयी। किसी का माथा फट गया , किसी का हाथ टूट गया, कोई इधेर रो रह है, कोई उधेर गा रह है, तो कोई उधेर भगा जा रहा है। अल्लाह कि दया से मेरे हाथ पैर सही सलामत हैं। मेरे बगल के शीट पे बैठे साहब जी तो पूरे भले चंगे हैं। हाँ थोडा उनकी शर्ट मे खरोच आया है।
मैं अफरा तफरी मे दौड़ के एक भाई साहब को उठाया । कराह रहे थे। लगता है जोर कि चोट आयी है। हॉस्पिटल ले जाना पड़ेगा। जितना जल्दी हॉस्पिटल के घाट पहुचा दो उतना ही अच्छा। भाई साहब का वेट भी तो १०० किलो है। हमसे अकेले उठा पाना . ना बाबा ना . अरे उधेर से एक बस आता दिखाई दिया। चलो इसी बस मे बैठा देते हैं भाई साहब को । पटना हॉस्पिटल मे भर्ती हो जायेंगें। बचेगें तो देश के काम आयेंगें। मैंने यहीं सोच एक भाई साहब को आवाज़ लगायी। भाई साहब पढे लिखे लगते हैं . अरे ये तो वहीँ हैं जो मेरे साथ बस मे मेरे बगल के शीट पे बैठे थे . भाई साहब जरा इधेर आयिये थोडा पीड़ित कि सेवा मे मदद कीजिये॥ मैंने ऐसा आग्रह किया। बेचारे कि जान बच जायेगी तो भगवन आपका सुकर करेगा। अरे बाप ये कया। साहब जी का जवाब तो सुनिये । बोलते है उनका १० बजे से ऑफिस है पहले ही दुर्घटना के करण आधा घंटा लेट हो गए हैं। अगर हम सब को उठाने लगे तो कितना लेट हो जायेंगें मेरे समय कि किसी को चिन्ता नही तो हम कयों किसी कि चिन्ता करें . मैं तो दंग रह गया साहब कि बात सुन के। साहब जी बस पकड़े और फिर ऑफिस चल दिए।

और उसी दिन मेरा तथ्य सवित हो गया कि पढ़ाई आदमी को गीदड़ ही बनाती है शेर नही।,
मैं अपना यही तथ्य को मन मे रखते हुए अमेरिका पहोचा। भगवन कि दया है कि जहाग पे बैठा के फ्री फंट मे अमेरिका कि शैर कराया । कैसे कराया कयों कराया और कब कराया ये सब कि कहानी बहुत लंबी है। जिन्दगी बची तो एक एक को चूं न चूं न के लिखेंगें। आप चिन्ता मत कीजिये आप बस पढ़ते जयिये फिर देखिए कमाल कया से कया होता है। पूरे भारत को बदल के रख देंगें। सब साला उल्टा पुल्टा चल रह है। जिसको जो मन मे आ रहा हैं कर रहा है ।

हाँ तो मैं अभी अमेरिका मे था । जब अमेरिका पहोचा तो एक अजब कि बात देखने को मिली। मैं तो अमेरिका के जंगल मे आ के एकदम से पागल हो गया। एक भी गीदड़ नही। जिसको देखो वहीँ शेर । जो यहाँ जन्मा है वो तो असली शेर है और जो किसी दुसरे जंगल से भाग के आया है वो भी शेर बनने कि कोसिस कर रह है। नही नही पढ़ाई लिखाई वाले शेर कि बात नही कर रहा हूँ । हम बात कर रहे हैं जैसे कि आप कैसे रहते हैं, आप कैसे बात करते हैं, आप लोगों के बारे मे क्या सोचते हैं, आपका विचार कैसा है टाईप वाले शेर कि।

मैंने बहुत गौर किया । बहुत सोचा कि ऐसा कैसे हो गया। जिसको देखो वहीँ शेर। बहुत रेसेर्च के बाद पता चला कि कि ये सब पढ़ाई का कमाल है। मैंने एक स्कूल मे छान बिन कि। बच्चों से पूछा। पता चला कि उनके उपर तो पढ़ाई का लोड भारत का आधा भी नही है। बच्चों को किताब कम पढाया जाता और ये जयादा सिखाया जाता कि किताब पढने के अलावे और बहुत से चीज़ हैं सिखने को।

कुछ और बच्चे से पूछा सभी ने यहीं बोला। मास्टर्स से पूछा उसका भी यहीं जवाब । किताब पढने से नौकरी मिलती हैं और अगर आदमी बनना है तो किताब कि कम और प्रक्टिकल ज्ञान कि जयादा जरूरत है। हम लोग आदमी बनाते हैं वैज्ञानिक नही ।

तब जा के बात सब साफ साफ हुआ। जा के लगा के हमारे बाबूजी ने थोड़ी गलती कि है। हम मानते हैं कि उनके पास और दुसरा कोई रास्ता नही था। मगर थोडा बहुत तो प्रक्टिकल ज्ञान पे ध्यान दे ही सकते थे । हम पूरा शेर भले ना बनते मगर शेर कि तरह दहाड़ तो सकते। ऐसे कया, जहाँ जाओ भीगी बिल्ली कि तरह दुबक जाओ। कहॉ कया हो रह इस से कुछ मतलब ही नही। कौन जिए कौन मरे मेरे बाप का क्या जाता है। ये भी कोई बात हुई। आप ही बताये साहब , कुछ ना कुछ तो गलत जरूर हैं । और गलती को थिक भी आप ही कर सकते हैं। मुन्ना के बाबूजी आप ही हैं और मुन्ना देश का कर्णधार ।
बस इसी आशा मे कि आने वाला हर मुन्ना पहले आदमी बने फिर नौकरी ।

जय सिया राम

दे दे बाबा

साहब मैं पैसा के लिए लिखता हूँ। अगर गलती से कभी आप मेरी गली से गुजरिये तो दो चार क्लिक ब्लिक मार दीजियेगा। भीख मँगाने का ये तरीका बहुत ही अच्छा हैं। भगवन उद्धार करे इस गूगल बाबा का जो हमलोगों का कटोरा भरेगा। एक दो क्लीक से आपका कुछ नही जाएगा। अगर कुछ जाएगा तो गूगल बाबा का जायगा । मगर आपके एक क्लीक से एक गरीब आदमी का उद्धार हो जाएगा। आप को बिस्वास आये या ना आये मैं एक भिखमंगा हूँ। ये अलग बात है कि जमाना आगे चला आया है। और हम भी ज़माने के साथ साथ कदम मिला के यहाँ तक पहुच गए। कटोरा ले के इधेर आये थे मगर कंप्यूटर मे कटोरा घुसता ही नही हैं। हम क्या करे । हमारी कोई गलती नही हैं। ये तो सब गूगल बाबा कि किरपा हैं जो नयी नयी बिधि बना के हमारी बव्साय को चोपत होने से बचाया है।

अगर आप धयान से सोचेंगें तो अपको पता चलेगा कि टेक्नोलॉजी के इस युग मे हमारा बिजिनेस भी काफी प्रगति किया है। हम पहले कहॉ एक ही मंदिर के इर्द गिर्द चक्कर लगा लगा के जिन्दगी काट देते थे। अब तो जब मन करे विश्वा के किसी कोने से भीख मांग लो। मुझे तो पूरा बिस्वास है कि अमेरिका मे रह रहे मेरे भाई बंधु मेरे एक छोटी से बात को नामंज़ूर नही करेगें। मुझे पता है कि जब मैं अपको अपना भाई बंधु कहता हूँ तो अपको बहुत बुरा लगता है। मगर ये बात तो सच है। हम गरीब जरूर हैं मगर रिश्ते के पक्के हैं. भगवन ने जो रिश्ता एक बार बना दिया है उसको तोड़ नही सकते हैं। आप मुझे स्वीकार करें या ना करें मुझे कोई फर्क नही पड़ता। मैं तो हमेशा अपको अपना भाई, पिता , बहन , ऎंड भाभी जी मानता रहूगा। मुझे आपकी जरूरत है। अपको मेरी जरूरत नही है। पैसा कि कमी मुझे है अपको नही। इसीलिये रिश्ते कि जरूरत मुझे हैं अपको नही। दुर्भाग्य से मेरे बंधु बान्धव जो भारत बर्ष मे रह रहे हैं उनके पास कंप्यूटर कि सुबिधा इतना पुख्ता nahi है। कभी एलेक्ट्रिसिटी है तो कंप्यूटर खराब और कभी कंप्यूटर थिक तो एलेक्ट्रिसिटी ग़ायब।

हलाकि मैं उनसे भी तहे दिल से भीख मांगता हूँ। दे दे बाबा । अल्लाह के नाम पे दे दे। इस गरीब को दे दे। कुछ नही तो गूगल पे दो चार क्लीक लगा दे। तू एक क्लीक लगाएगा भगवन तेरा हज़ार क्लीक लायेगा। तू फिर जिन्दगी भर क्लीक क्लीक करता रहेगा। कभी भी तेरे ब्लोग पेर क्लीक कि कमी नही आएगी। मैं आपसे टिप्पणी नही मांगता हूँ। मैं जानता हूँ कि अपके पास वक़्त कि काफी कमी है। दुनिया काफी फास्ट हैं। और हर आये दिन हमारे जैसे भिखमंगों कि संख्या बढ़ी जा रही है। कोम्पेतिशन बहुत तफ हैं। आदमी के पास समय कि कमी हैं। मैं सब जानता हूँ। भिखमंगा हूँ तो क्या हुआ। दुनिया दारी कि खबर रखता हूँ।
नाम अब्दुल है मेरा सबकी खबर रखता हूँ। याद है ना ये वाला गाना ।
हाँ तो बस मैं दो चार क्लीक कि भीख मांगता हूँ। अरे रोज रोज थोड़े ना कह रहे हैं। आपको जब फुर्सत मिले आप जब भी इस गली से गुजरें। फ्री समय हो आराम से खा पी के अगर दो चार क्लिक मार दीजियेगा तो एक गरीब का उद्धार हो जाएगा।
मैं जिन्दगी भर के लिए थोड़े ना कह रहा हूँ। दो चार बरस कि बात हैं। नौकरी सौकौरी लग जायेगी फिर मैं भी भीख मांगना बंद कर दूंगा। ऐसा सोचा है। बस दो चार साल मदद कर दीजिए। आपका कुछ नही jayega. जो जाएगा बेचारे गूगल बाबा का जाएगा। खैर उसका मुझे कोई जायदा चिन्ता नही है। गूगल बाबा ऐसे भी बहुत आमिर आदमी हैं। और उनका एक पैर तो कब्र मे लटक रहा है फिर इतना पैसा जमा कर के कया करेंगें।
बहुत हिम्मत कर के आज मैंने मन कि बात कह दी। भीख मांगने मे बहुत शरम लगता हैं। अपना स्वाभिमान कि भी बात है। पढ लिखा आदमी हूँ अगर कोई कटोरा लिए देख लिया तो सब चौपट हो जाएगा इसी लिए कंप्यूटर का सहारा लिया हूँ। लोगों से बहुत डरता हूँ इसीलिये नाम गाम सब बदल बदल के इस धंधे मे घुसा हूँ। अगर किसी दोस्त यार को को पता चल गया तो आफत आ जायेगी। ऐसे ही पहले से कंजूस के नाम से कुख्यात हूँ। अगर ये सब पता चला तो फिर भिखमंगा भी हो जाऊँगा। मैं नीम पर करेला चढ़ाने से डरता हूँ।

अच्छा तो मैं ये आशा करता हूँ कि आप इस गरीब के कटोरे मे दो चार क्लीक तो मार ही देंगें। मार दिए तो भी थिक नही मरे तो भी थिक । भगवन साबका भला करे।

बाबा भोले नाथ
एक बार प्रेम से बोले शिव शंकर भगवन कि
जय

will you be happy

will you be happy

As i was thinking i came across a strange question. one day, i was chatting with a girl. she is polite and nice by nature. she is good. we were talking about marriage. i asked one question to her, when and to whom , you are going to marry? she replied, i dont know. i will not writing more about her. i kept the conversastion on with her. After some time she replied, i dont know to whom, i am going to marry but one thing sure, i will try to keep my husband happy. She replied in a sympathetic tone. i was not able to gather much from that sentence and her expression (which is my hobby). but i kept thinking about that moment. here i am discussing about happiness.well my question is that will her husband will remain happy if he will know that her wife is trying to make him happy. I dont know about other but personally i am a very egoistic creature of GOD. if i will be knowing that somebody is trying to make me happy then i will become unhappy. Happiness coming from somebody is not your happiness. your happiness should come from your inside. your happiness is yours. If you are exchainging the happiness then that is the other issue. i support and accept that. but one sided happiness is not a happiness at all. this is just a business. personally i will feel bad as soon as i know that somebody is tring to make me happy. My happiness is my own and i want to make it my own. if i cannot make it then i will feel good with unhappiness too. Because unhappiness is also a state of happiness it is just the mind that draw a line between happiness and unhappiness.

A Pictorial Journey

A Pictorial Journey

Sonu – Papa, where is America?
Papa – It is in the other part of earth. Seven ocean apart from India.
Sonu – Papa my friend Bittu says that America is just below the India. He was saying that if I dig a well in the earth, we will eventually land in American. And papa as Bittu was saying there are same type person exists in the America. Only change in colour white in place of brown. God always gives birth of two same type of person at the same time, one person in India and other twin in America. I mean if we will dig the bore hole I will find one Sonu and one papa were talking to each other in America. Like us. Same copy. As Bittu was saying God has made everything in pair one in India and other in America.
Papa – I don’t know son much. But don’t play with Bittu. He is not a good boy at all. He is mad. He doesn’t care what he says. Play with other children.
Sonu – ok, papa as you say from tomorrow I will not play with him. But he know about America, he says that in last night in dream he went to America.
Papa – America is a big country, very far from here. Nobody has gone from our small town. How this Bittu dare to go America in dream. He is totally mad, dream does not cost this does mean one can dream what ever he wants. I say don’t play with him.
Sonu – papa he says when it is day in India it is night in America.
Papa – yes son, I have also heard the same but I don’t know the truth. No body from our family has gone there. Your grand pa has a great desire to go there. But he did not go somehow. He was a strong desire to travel the world. He collected a lot of picture from library. He read a lot of literature about America, he collected a lot of money to go there.
Sonu – then why he has not gone there papa?
Papa – he went at Calcutta harbor. But custom officer at harbor asked him about VISA. He was not having VISA. He came back and tried his best to get VISA but never got.
Sonu – papa what is VISA?
Papa- sonu VISA is a bus ticket to go America. Like when we go Patna we buy a ticket from Bus conductor. In the same way if you want to go to America you have to buy a ticket from America Government. One place it is called ticket and other place it is called VISA; one side it is the bus conductor and other side it is American Embassy. Both are same my son. Only the difference is one for people like us (so called poor people by the society) and other is for super star like Amitabh Bachhan.
Sonu – papa you know more than Bittu. He does not know any thing. He just knows how to make fool us. Papa, but how do you know all this. You have never gone to America.
Papa – son, I have never gone. But your grand pa told me the story of getting VISA that’s why I remember everything. He said VISA is available only to those who are technically educated.
Sonu – papa, once you said our grand pa was most brilliant person around 100 km circle from our small town.
Papa – that’s true my son. He was most talented person I have never saw any body like him in my life. But once he said, he does not know anything. He only knows about literature and these days nobody cares about these literatures. That’s why I said for getting VISA one should be technically sound. Go, and study mathematics don’t talk much. Mathenmtaics will make you technically sound.
Sonu – yes father, I will try to work hard in maths.
Sonu- papa there is a picture in grand pa old box. What that picture is? Is this picture from America?
Papa – yes my son your grand pa brought that picture when he went to Delhi for attending international book fair.
Sonu (bringing the picture in one hand)- what a nice picture papa, still beautiful after along time. Why the ground in the picture looking white, papa? In India we have yellow soil. In America soil is white papa?
Papa – no son, it is not soil. These are snow. In America they have a harsh winter. Sometime temperature goes to negative. At that negative temperature water freezes and it takes a form of ice.
Son – papa, this mean there people does not water. They have snow only. They melt snow for drinking water?
Papa – no son their houses are centrally heated, so temperature inside the house remains like India. That’s why people work a lot inside their houses. And drinking water is easily supplied in the houses by Municipality Corporation. Some time water freezes in side the pipe due to cold winter and causing pipe failure.
Son – papa what do you mean by centrally heating?
Papa- good question son. Centrally heating is nothing but our Chullah. We burn cow dung for making our lunch in chullah. The same way they have chullah made up of iron and in place of cow dung they burn natural gas. The natural gas is like LPG (liquefied petroleum gass). But on the top of their chullah they don’t put pot. They keep open so that heat can travel in side the room. They also use some modern techniques to regulate and keeping the temperature stable inside the house.
Son – now I under stood papa what do you mean by centrally heating. One more thing papa in photo there are two type of tree. One has leaves and other does not have leaves.
Papa- good observation son. There are a lot of trees are there. But birds are not as much as in India. The whole tree of America can be classified in two categories. One type of tree has their leaves on the tree whole year. They are evergreen tree. I mean leaves always remains in the tree. And other type of tree losses their leaves in harsh winter and new leaves again comes in the summer.
Papa -see son the back ground of picture?
Son – yes, papa it is looking very beautiful. The sunrays drooping on the ice making a golden spread on cotton.
Papa – nice observation son. See also there are some small houses in the background of picture. They have their houses made up of wood.
Son – why wood papa? Why not concrete, brick?
Papa – see my son wood is the insulator of heat. So in harsh winter wood help those Americans from cold. Also they have a lot of trees so they use the wood for building making purpose. There are a lot of things to tell my son. Let us session for today I will be waiting for your comment on this photo journey.

The Gift Pack

The Gift Pack

Why you hurtled me? You knew from the beginning all this, then, why you hurtled me? Asking these questions to himself, “Yasar switched on the computer. No, he doesn’t want to work. Why he will work? For whom he will work? What is the use of working? Nobody is mine in this world. I am alone. Computer broke his silence and asked for password, he filled the checkbox against password, saying what a dull computer. He ran his eye around the room sitting in the chair, he observed; “the desk – full of dust and messed up books”, “the chair – making noise after fidgeting,” “the door-gate – “half open trying to avoid any newcomers inside,” “the floor – clean but cleanliness has no meaning,” “the room atmosphere – suffocating with a dingy smell- a signal of run away from the office,” go out side and inhale fresh air. The same room, same desk, same computer, same work, same friend, I am frustrated with all this. I don’t want to work. My heart says not to work, I will not work, I don’t care my sincerity, I don’t care my intelligence, I don’t care my degree, these all are mind business.

With a very and depressed mind he filled the user name and password in Gmail web page. No new mail, no, there is an unread mail from blogger site. What is this? Leave it, no use of reading such a mail, a spam. Thinking not to read this mail, he clicked the blogger message started to read.

Dear Yasar,
“You have a coupon of thousand rupees you can use it” to buy any thing at our store.
Thanks and regard
Blogger & its co-partner

Ooh, I did something yesterday with their point business plan; perhaps it is the output of that plan, he realized. Coupon for blog writing good idea to market their business, good idea to make website popular, good idea to keep people in dark. It seems their point business was not 100% effective that why another lure for reader.

On the other hand Yasar felt very satisfied with this e-coupon. He said to his inner “this is my coupon,” I earned it. Its mine coupon – a coupon of my loneliness, a coupon of his different mental state, a coupon of his satisfaction, a coupon of his writing skill, a coupon of most loved, which I did job in last one month. Great, when I worked for Coupon no body gave me, and when I worked for myself blogger gave me coupon of sympathy. True, true, when ever you want something you will not get, and when ever you don’t know what you want, you will get something.

But, what I will do with this e-coupon, I am not in India. Cash of coupon, not possible. What is the last date of validity of this e-coupon, dragging mouse below he got the answer 17 August 2007. Leave it, no use – yasar sat in the chair tapping a book. Idea, Idea, forward the Coupon to some friend, he will use it. Who is the best friend, he searched in his memory. No body, no one is my friend I am alone. I am alone that’s why I got the coupon and a coupon of loneliness should also remain alone without any cash.

Yasar was playing with mouse and key board in the filed blogger webpage. He clicked the FAQ. Result is in front of him. What is this? You can cash your e-coupon online. Online store in India “he asked himself?” Miracle, miracle, India’s service sector developed a lot in last one year. When I left India last year service sector was not so advanced. But who will get the benefit of all these services only people like me, the rich people, and the big cities. These service sector advancement does not affect the life of a person living in a village or small cities at all “, Yasar brodded.” I don’t think they will deliver online order in my remote city. Yasar clicked the next FAQ answer – We have 240 branches all over the india and deliver our product all over the India in seven days.

Miracle, miracle, a complete miracle. It’s a good thing. But I don’t have any interest in sending the gift “Yasar said to himself.” And nobody is mine, I am alone. Let us see what is there in online store. Mobile, camera, CD’s, Laptops hi-fi things no use. Come to sptituality section see what is there? Image of god and godess the first one Maa Durga – Rs 750, second one, playing Ganesh– Rs 450, third one, dancing Ganesh – Rs 670,fourth one, Radha-Krishna – Rs 650, Santoshi Maa – Rs 450. Santoshi Maa – My mothers goddess. The santoshi Maa her favorite Goddess, she worshipped her for my arrival in this world.

As soon as Yasar remember santoshi Maa, he enters into a different world, where only her mother, Santoshi Maa and Yasar lives. All the emotions of childhood, how his mother beated him and later said, why not you ran away my son, when I am beating you, how she bathe me with cold water, how she told me all those stories of my child hood, how she praised my all effort to become a good student and a socially fit person, how she made the Rasgulla in Diwali, how she hated to make chicken and curry for me only because of Goddess, she loves Goddess more than me. Goddess the Santoshi Maa-the only love of my mother and my mother the only my love. I will send this image to my mother, “the utter urge of my heart” a proof of my emotional connection between me and motehr, I am not alone; my mother is always with me. Even at this moment of life when I felt completely alone.

But what about father if he will see that I have send a gift to my mother but not any gift for him, he will not think bad, he will not fill lack of love by his son, he will not feel we don’t remember him. We only love to mother. No it’s not a justice to send a gift to mother only. Any other goddess yes, my father is a worshipper of Maa Sharaswati. Thanks online store image of Srasawati ji is also present in the cart.

Yasar ordered both the imagesthe first one, Maa Santoshi – a choice of his heart, Maa Saraswati – a result of his mind. He packed his mind and heart in the same gift. He don’t have anything with him, he packed what ever he owns, now he is not alone, because you feel alone only if you have your heart with you to feel emptiness and you have your mind who will tell you that you are alone.

Yasar filled the address of his remote town
Shree XXXX Prasad
Via – YYYYY
Post office –ZZZZZZ
Pin – 3453735

and then clicked the submit button for order in a hope that these gift will reach one day to his parents. He knows that, if these gifts reach to his remote place then it will be a miracle, a complete miracle. A miracle of technology, a miracle of emotion, a miracle of sending Gift Pack.

Dedicated to the sentence “ kuch lane ka adat hi nahi hai ki, iii na ki kuch le ke chalen” ( you make a habbit of bringing something)

I am alone

I am alone

10.00 AM office time. Shashank came to office and kept his bag beside the table. Taking a little break , he switch the computer. He checked out the box against IP address and the outlook mail box is now open in front of his eyes. There is no any important message today. As usual, he logged on the google talk (like yahoo messager) and ready for chat. He became happy by seeing the green button (avilable to talk) against the name of sushil. Sushil is one of the his fast friend from school days. But, what is this? sushil has written today’s fortune like “ never try to search happiness in others, you will become unhappy if you will do that. You are alone and you have to find your happiness your own. happiness comes from inside not from outside. Shashank read the meassge and became emotional, suddnely. Shashank started to brood over , why sushil wrote this sentence? Why sushil is feeling alone? Is there something wrong, or he wrote just without any thinking? Is he depressed? He answer to himself no…. no …. He can’t be depressed. He is one the mentally strongest student among us. He managed all those responsibility at school level festivals. From the very child hood; he is joyful; full of energy; always making fun among others. Shashank was trying to collect the memories of school days with him. Ohhh….. what a naughty creature he was those days? Every teacher rememebed him for his stupidity. When ever the class is very quite then teacher asked naturally “ what happened to sushil”. Is he admitted to the hospital? shashank hasn’t seen him depressed till date, then why today he has written like this? After five to ten minute thinking, shasank buzzed to sushil. Hey, sushil how are you buddy? A window poped up in shashank computer saying, I am fine yaarr. How are you doing, man? Shashank replied, I am 100 percent all right buddy. Shashank asked again, oye sushil, If every thing is fine then why you wrote message like this. Sushil replied just yaarr not thinking much. (aise hi likh diya koi baat nahi hai). Shashank asked again, Is everything fine? Sushil replied yaaa …..yaaa….. every thing is fine, my office work is going quite well, my friends are well and at home my parents are happy. Everything is ok buddy. Window is popping up continuously on shashank computer. He was patient and just reading the meassge. Sushil is typing message very fast. He replied again every thing is fine buddy. It was enough to say the mental condition of sushil. Shashank thought, why he is repling so much in the proof of his fineness? It is human nature is that when ever he is not fine,then he try to show that he is fine. Some time he emphasises a lot to show something which he is actually not. Shashank typed the next message “ ladki ki saaddi ho gayi kaya ( Is the girl married or still avilable to marry with some one) sushil was totally astonished. He typed the message about which girl you are talking? I don’t know any girl. I don’t have any girl friend. I believe in arrange marriage. My parents will decide to whom I have to marry? I will remain happy to whom my parents will arrange my marriage. I will try to happy with that girl and she will be very happy with me. Now, the shashnak was 100 percent sure about his guess. He is in the right direction. With emphasis he typed the message again Is the girl married or not yet? Sushil does not know how a sudden change came to his mind (a complete emotional break down) and he replied, No shashank the girl is not married yet. Sushil was typing, the girl has deceived me yaarr. usne mere sath dhoka kiya hai yaaar …. Usne mere sath dhokha kiya hai… she has hurted me a lot yaar. She even don’t talked politely at the last moment of break up yaar. Her rudeness hurt me a lot yaar. Shashank asked again what happen to the girl? Where she is? Sushil repiled “ don’t ask me anything about her yaarr, it hurts me”. Although, sushil was feeling hurt but he was typing very fast. She went with other guy yaarrr…. I am alone shashank …I am alone…….completely alone…. Nothing in this world for me yaar. He was typing hastly, my life has played a game with me yaarr. She has also played a game with me…. I loved her a lot yaarrr … and now, I cannot love any other girl shashank. She was my first and last love. He was writing and shashank was reading queitly. He don’t want to disturb him at all. Just listening is enough for sushil’s pleasure. Shashank knows very well at this point any suggestion will just make him more disturbed. Sushil wrote again, True love happens only once in a life time yaar. Sushil was almost started to weeping, he was weeping and writing, she was my first and last love shashank. I will not marry any other girl buddy. I will remain unmarried till life and work for humanity. He tried to make himself happy by quoting a line “ shashank do you one thing; Happiness is not the aim of life, but aim of life is to do something which will contribuite to the society. He again wrote … I am alone …. Completely alone …….. shashank became emotional too. If he were in India, he must have done anything for him to bring his girl back to him. But, seven ocean far from his country only thing he can do is, To emotionaly please him anyhow on google talk. Shashank replied don’t worry yaarr, every thing will be fine. She was not your true love yaar. A window popped up by sushil saying I really love her… she is my true love yaaar. Up to this point of time shashank has gathered some courage, to write something. With a dilematic mind he wrote, she was not your true love yaarr. He justified his logic by saying, TRUE LOVE NEVER FAILS AND THE LOVE WHICH FAILS IS NOT TRUE LOVE. you will again fall in love with somebody. Just wait for time. Time heals everything. Don’t worry. After one hour chat they logged out. Shashank tried his best to prove that she was not his true love but sushil was still in the same mental condition . One corner of his heart still loving his girl friend so much. He wants to forget her by posing all the mistakes on her head but on the other corner of his heart he finds her self completely innocent. He is ready to forgive all her mistakes. He is taking all the guilty on his head, only thing is anyhow she came back. he dont know what to do so he feel helpless and completely alone in this world, every thing seems to be empty, he is just trying to make enjoyment in the outer world but inner is still crying for her love ….. . still his friends thinking that he is the same sushil but it is the only sushil who knows that this sushil has changed completely in last few days and now new sushil is alone no friends no relative only lonliness and blogging is his friend.

Don’t Read this Article?

Don’t Read this Article?

Don’t read this article, I strictly say don’t read read this article. It may cause bad impact on your mental health. Still reading. A waste of time. I say once again it is totally waste of time. I ask a question have I ever read anything written by you? My answer- Never. Will I be reading something by you in future? My answer- it depends on you, totally on you. Next question – have you or me ever read anything written by shakespear, or dikins, or premchand, or sharatchandra or any any great writer. Your answer – yes, many times. My answer- yes I read a lot of literature written by these great guys. What is going on here?what is the meaning of all this? Well, here is a story, a real story.

Ashish and Anurag are two good friends. Both doing masters at university of ottawa (canada) in the department of electrical engineering. Ashish – a cool guy, hard working, sincere, business oriented mind, five to six reseach paper in his name.

His native place – hyderabad.
His schooling – from hyderabad.
His age – 25, height – 5 feet 4 inch.
His fiancee – presently living in bombay.

Anurag- a simple guy, more oriented towards emotions, interested in feelings and sentiments rather than logic and facts, a joyful guy, enjoy making fun, sees positive in every aspect of life.

His native place – Kanpur.
His schooling – Kanpur.
His age – 25, height 5 feet 5 inch
His fiancee – not yet engaged.

That evening after university time both left for conestoga mall. They were waiting for I-Xpress bus at the bus stop. Ashish asked – Anurag, why are you going to conestoga mall. Anurag replied – hey, ashish look at the girl standing there. How beautiful she is. Her figure is 100% perfect yaar. Her face is innocent. Ashish again asked – anurag why are you going to conestoga mall. Now, anurag paid attention and replied – I have to buy a memory card for my camera. Now the anurag’s turn. He asked – hey ashish, why are you going? Ashish replied enthausiastically- I am going to buy a birtday greeting card for ANJU (his fiancee living in bombay these days). Upto this point of time bus came. Both got on the bus, put their ticket in the box and took a back seat as usual. After adjusting him in the seat ashish said Anurag this is the first birthday of Anju after our engagement. I have to buy a good birthday card. Anurag replied – yes, this should be a special birthday for her. You must buy a good card. They were sitting and talking. Bus stopped near the mall. Both got down. Now they were inside a big room full of greetings card. All type of greetings card from every corner of the world, representative of all possible combination of human emotions and sentiments. Ashish is looking on card one by one. He paiced a card and thought, this card – No, its written content is good but front cover picture is not good. He picked another one and processed in his mind – this one, No, cover page is good but the content is not good. It is very difficult for him to choose the best card among all thses crowd of card. After one hour selection process he chooses 10 cards and gave it to Anurag. Hey anurag – I have to select one card among these ten cards.

He asked for suggestion from anurag. He said – hey anurag which one is the best card yaar. Anurag replied you have to select your own yaar, you decide which one is the best one. I will not give you any suggestion yaar. Ashish took a card in his hand and said this one has very good cover page. But written content inside the back cover is not good. Ashish again asked – hey anurag give your opinion yaarr which one is the best one? Anurag again replied – you have to choose your own ashish. Ashish asked angrily – hey man why are you not giving any suggestion? Well, anurag asked – do you know the of ANJU (ashish fiancee). Choose a card which suits her nature. Ashsih replied nice idea yaar. He picked a card and said hey man content of this card exactly matches her nature. But front page is not good. Anurag asked which front page do you like. Ashish picked a card and said this one I like yaar. Anurag said – send both these card one with good front page, and one with good content written inside. Ashish rplied – no anurag I have to send only one card. Anurag gave a suggestion (of course free of cost) – why not you copy content from this card and paste in your hand writing in the other card. Ashish replied excellent idea yaar. He did the same and posted the card for india on the same day. He was eagerly waiting for ANJU bithday. Day of birth came. He phoned to Anju and greeted, anju replied from other side “ hey ashish the greeting card is very beautiful. I am very happy to see the card. I have never received such a good card in my life. Ashish felt very good. Day of birth gone. Now every thing becam e as usual.

One day ashish was sitting and brooding. Suddenly a thought came to his mind about that greeting card. He relaised that it was not his greeting card who send to ANJU. Why he felt happy that day. It was anurag’s choice. It was anurag’s idea. It was anurag who choose the card and gave me idea of copy paste. He realised he have not wished anju on the first birthday from his own heart. He felt it was not his wish. He felt bad. He was going towards his room with his heavymind. He saw anurag in the middle of the way. Anurag asked – is the card reached to India. Ashish replied – yes Anurag. Anurag replied – hey ashsish from the next birthday you have to choose your bithday card your own.

What the lesson? Be origional. I say once again – be origional. Have courage to what ever you like, don’t follow the other. Following other will give you a temporary happiness but it will not give you a permanent happiness. More the origanility more you will excell in the carrer, more the happiness. You have to learn from nature. The more you will learn from nature and society the more original you will become. The more you will try to learn from reading others article the lesser original you are. So if you want to become shakeshpear, dickens, or premchand, quit the habbit of reading this type of nonsense blog. Keep observing the people and have courage to be original.

Leak leal gaddi chale leak hi chale
kaput

Leak choodi tino chale sayar singh saput.

(meaning Poet, Lion, and a good son always makes their own way of life)

Marry or not to Marry?

Marry or not to Marry?

Bittu and Soni were playing with dolls in the courtyard. Bittu with his own king doll and Soni with her own queen doll. Doll made up of soil, a doll without life, but Soni and Bittu has put their lives in these dolls to make them alive for themselves. Perhaps these dolls are representative of these kids. Bittu said- Soni my doll wants to marry your doll, Sony replied – ok, let me ask to my doll? She asked to her doll- hey, my Soni doll, my beauty queen, do you want to marry to Bittu’s doll. After a while talking with her doll, she replied- yes Bittu, my doll gave her consent for marriage. Both doll agreed, no horoscope matching, no pandit ji, no dowry, no halla gulla. Soni and Bittu started marriage ceremony. A marriage ceremony; without taking care of society, a ceremony without filmy songs flaring on microphone, a ceremony without dowry, a ceremony without much gathering, still a marriage ceremony, the best marriage ceremony ever held on this earth. They collected stuffs needed for marriage. Sony asked – hey, Bittu where is the cap of your king? Bittu made a cap from a tree leaves and wore it to the Rajkumar. Sony replied- hey, Buttu now Rajkumar is looking beautiful. Now, Bittu turn, Bittu asked, Hey, Sony, where is the jewelry of the queen. Sony brought some paddy crops and made ear rings from the top part of the paddy, nose rings from the steam of paddy. Now turn of sari. She was looking for banana tree she got it. She wore to her queen, and replied to Bittu see my queen in Banarasi sari, How beautiful she is looking?. King Queen is ready. By the god grace they were married. The marriage ceremony gone well. And the relation lasted forever in the dream of Soni and Bittu of their life. No divorce, no ego problem.

Now, second phase of life came. Sony became Sonali and Bittu became Bansal. They were young. Sonali got married in the age of 18 with parent’s choice with a boy named chandan working in some software company. She is now happily enjoying the married life. she has a kid too, and her kids is now playing the same game which Soni and Bittu played 18 years ago. What about Bansal? The million dollar question!!!!! Bansal went in IIT and took good technical education. After completing his graduation headed towards US for higher studies. Now a days he is doing his masters at university of Ottawa, canada. These days, he is asking a simple question to himself. A question which everybody has to ask himself in his life, but there are only few fortunate or unfortunate (who knows?) guys who has courage to ask this question to himself. Like other guys if he would have remained in his country; he might not have asked the same question to himself. But living on a western cultural environment and having Indian roots in his heart forced him to think before marriage. Why marriage? Is there any need of marriage? Why people marry? Is it not suffient to live alone? There are a lot of people living here alone. They are happy more than happy. Free life (living alne is the best life… we came alone and we have to go alone .. that’s it). In a free life; one can do what ever he want to do and he will be happy. Happiness comes from himself not from other. Beeging happiness from other is just a trick which the spouse play with each other. Will he marry for sex? No .. No .. No… sex is not in consideration yet. I can buy sex any time if I need? No, need to marry? He was brooding and a thought came in the support of marriage. Then all these people are fool who marry. He replied to his inner sense no .. no… no …. They cant be fool. One person might be fool, two might be fool, in extereme three might be fool but it is not true that whole world is fool. No .. NO .. No there is some thing wrong in me. Something wrong in my thought, something wrong in my thinking. Marriage is a good thing. Marrige is a gift given to human being by the God. Sex and love is the two basic element this institution. He should marry. He was brooding and brooding; what will happen if I don’t marry? The first thought came to his mind .. will he remain happy; if he does not marry? No not at all. His mother is waiting for my marriage. She has kept the jwellery for my wife from child hood in her box. What will happen to those jwellery? Will mother not become very disturbed? My father: he will boast about my marriage among his friends and will feel something achieved in the society. How can I dare not to fulfill his dream? What is the wrong if he wants to boast about marriage and dowry? He has given me education, he is working for my future from last twenty years. He has some right on me. No .. No .. I have to marry. Marriage for parents happiness. It is completely redicule to think that I will not marry. What is the harm in marrying? No harm? If I want I can still remain alone, in a married relation ship. Society will see we are married. Parents will feel happy that we are married to each other. We are living in a number one city of this world “ NEW YORK”. Every body will feel we are the happiest spouse in this world; who have ever travelled the journey living in the institutiton of marriage. I will do what ever I wish for my enjoy. I will have a lot of girl friends if I need. I will work for society if I wish, I will go to strip club if I wish. At the same time second thought came to Bansal mind. His inner sense warned him? Hey, Bansal, marriage does not comes free. It comes with responsibilty of child and resposibility of a wife. You have to make her happy. You don’t have hurt her feelings by doing what ever you wish. You have to create a home in place of a building. Just thinking that you will make happy to your parents by marring is totally unfaithful to the girl with whom you are living? If you marry then it is your responsibilty to make her happy. Nothing comes free in this world. Marriage on the cost of sacrificing some of your freedom. So, no answe r of his question, still in a state of dilemma what to do? Marry or not to marry? Parents or he? Not to marry because he don’t need it, marry because parents need it. He was brooding and brooding and brooding … again a thought came .. what will happen if I don’t marry? His inner sense replied to him Hey Bansal who will take care of you. To whom you will call if you get sick. Who will make tea for you? Where you will get your lunch and dinner. Who will take care of your ctoths? Who will treat you better in case of emotional breakdown? Who will take care of your parents in their old age? He became afraid to think all all this question? He replied to his inner sense .. No …. No … No……….. he has to marry. Marry for himself. Marry for his future. A marriag for fulfill his selfish requirements. To fulfill his daily life rouine. Then what she will get? He replied to himself. I will make her happy. I will make her happy. If I will start making her happy then what is the difference between me and other seventy million people living in this world. All are doing the same. I will do the same. What is the need of brooding all this. No no no he will marry but still do somethg, he will marry in a hope that he will different from other. He will make his own path. A marriage not just for procration and sex and making a joyful institution. Thinking all this Bansal left for scool. He has to work for his livilehood.

Symen: Go Back

Symen: Go Back

(The journey of life)

1-866-37354-2623 hello, you are welcome to Reliance India call, Dial your Account Number followed by four digit pin code. He dialed 1-999-968-4536. An automatic computer voice message from other side came. You have dialed 1-999-968-4536. You have 70 more minutes to talk. Dial your phone number followed by country code 91. He dialed his father’s mobile number. Trin … Trin … Trin…..…… Helooo… Heloo …… helloo …. Haann beta bolo.. pranam papa. (Good morning father), a reply from other side khoosh raho beta (greeting from father to be happy). Hey father how do you know its my call. Father replied hey son, in mobile when ever a big number comes ( 10-14 digits) its only your call. All local calls do not have so much big numbers. Symen replied – ohhhhh, I have not relised that. Father asked in a tone of quarry – son, the sound is not coming very clearly. Yes, father. Here too. I am not getting your voice clearly. Symen replied- Father, may be it is due to the distance sound quality is not so good. I am in US and you are inPatna. It always happens for long distance quality of sound reduces. From other side father replied – yes, son, you are right, may be due to the distance. But son is there some mountain betweenIndia and Us. So that signal gets trapped. Symen replied – No father, have you not heard about Seven Seas. (America is seven seas far fromIndia) It is the sea due to which signal gets disturbed some time. A father who knows my son is more talented than me, he is more experienced than me, who has traveled the world, who has more knowledge than me, how can be wrong? No… no … he will never be wrong. If he says it is the distance which causing the noise in the sound then it is only the distance which causing the problem. No technical problem in the mobile. And by the way, this is Reliance mobile, a good brand name, a new mobile, still It is still in gurantee period how can be it wrong? My son is right. Hundred percent right!! My son always speaks with scientific reason. He is the best student of his locality. Symen again asked – aap kaise hain papa? (How are you father?). A reply from other side – I am fine son. Every thing is fine here. No problem. How are you son? I am always fine father. Nothing happens to me at any time. Be stress free from mine side. Enjoy your life father. Now, I am standing on my legs. Symen asked, father some nosie of train is coming in the background of your voice. Are you not at the home town Begusarai. (a small town inBihar). Father replied – No, my son, I am not in Begusarai today. I am inPatna son. Symen asked –Patna, for what father? Are you going some where? Is everything fine at home? What about sisters Rinky and Pinky? Symen again asked , without waiting for reply. Are you going somewhere, father replied from other side, yes, son today I have to leave forKOTA. I am going with your youngest sister pinky toKOTA. She has got an admission in a coaching institution.. what the name I don’t remember. Ask to you’re your sister the name of coaching? Symen replied – was is Bansal classes. Father replied – No son, it is not Bansal, with some confusion he said, it is not Bansal, I don’t remember the name but it seems the name starts with R something like reso…. Symen replied- Is it Bansal classes? Father replied hurriedly, yes my son, yes, yes, it was resoance, resoance yaa yaaa it was resoace. From other side son replied yes, resonance not resoace, Yes; Resonace is a good coaching class. Symen asked- so father when you have train. Father replied – son, we have train in the night. This time we got the reservation in train. One is upper berth and other is lower birth. I will sleep in the lower one and Rinky will sleep on the top berth. Father replied – yes, son in sleeping class very easy to journey, last time I wentdelhi in general class. It is very difficult son. Ok, father. That’s good- Symen replied. Symen again inquired – what about other sister Pinky father. From other side father replied- hey, son; she did not able to qualify the medical exam, neither the central nor the state one. Symen replied – I know father. As far as I know she is also taking some more examination, symen said. Yes, son she is taking some more examination. May be she will qualify. She has exam on 6th May inDelhi. Symen asked – what is the date father today. Father replied – today is 4th May. Symen asked – hey, father Pinky has exam on 6th inNew Delhi. Right now she is inPatna, so who is gong with her to escort her for exam. Father replied happily – hey, son, I have already arranged a person who will go with her for examination. Her daughter is also taking the same examination. So, he going toDelhi, Rinky will go with her. He is a nice person, working in my office. He also has a lot of idea aboutDelhi. So, he can easily locate the examination centre. Symen again asked – father are you feeling well. I mean life is going quite ok na. Father replied yes, son every thing is going fine, only sorrow is that I don’t know what to do with Rinky, if she does not qualify in any medical examination. Symen replied – don’t woory father she will qualify in any examination. If, she does not qualify “then she will take admission in college for Bachelor of Science (BSc). Symen replied in a sympathetic tone – hey father, you are working so hard. I should have been there to help you. I have not realized this entire situation before leavingIndia. Father replied No son don’t worry. Here no problem. Every thing is fine. Without tension there is no meaning of life. I and your mother are working very hard. Everything will be fine son, don’t worry at all. We don’t have any problem in present. We might have some problem in future. So, I am slightly worried about future tension. Symen replied – don’t worry father in future every thing will be fine. (Hoping that, he will get a good job and make money so that there is no problem in dowry. Both of them know the fact they have to pay for dowry and they don’t have much money at home, but both of them tried to ignore the fact of dowry. Still in both mind same thing is running. This line is for a reader who is new in reading area). Father replied – Do your studies well. I will be back father don’t worry. Father replied from other side – when you will be back. You will be back in next may na. Complete your studies well and then come. Don’t worry about us. We are happy son.

It was around five minutes talk with his father. After talking to his father symen – wrote an email to one of his friend, Raushan (working in a mechanical engineering company inIndia). Symen wrote the mail like this

Hi Raushan,
I want to work in any mechnical engineering company inIndia. If you have any contact can you please pass on to me? I am sending my resume to you, please forward it you boss.
Thanks

After writing the the mail Symen came to university and wrote this article, but unfortunately, symen has one more feeling at the same time due to which he is not concentrating in his studies.

A writer

A writer

Do you still remember Yaksha question answer episode from MAHABHARAT? your answer – No, I dont remeber. why not you remeber? I ask again why not you remember? you have to remember. well, review, the whole conversastion of Yaksha and Yudhisthir in this story. It was a sunny beautiful day. Eldest son of Pandav, the Yudhisthir was brooding beneath a tree alone, completely alone, No Draupadi this time. He was brooding and brooding, but did not reached to the conclusion. No, final conclusion. He decided to ask the same dilemma to Rishimuni Yaksha. He headed towards his Ashram. Rishi Yaksha was doing his pray sitting in the shadow of PIPAL tree (of course alone no Menika). Yudhisthir prostrated in front of him, saying Pranam Gurubar. Yaksha gave his blessings to Yudhisthir – Ausman Bhav (have a long life) Yaksha replied – Son, Yudhisthir, there seems to be some dilema in your mind. Eldest son Yudhisthir replied, Gurubar, you are internal knower. You know everything. In a hesitating voice Yudhisthir replied…….. I have a question, Gurubar.(this is modern mahabharat yudhisthir has to ask his question and Yaksha has supposed to reply) Yaksha replied, what dilema you have my son? Yudhisthir kept his question in front of Yakasha – hey Gurubar, what is the easiest job in this world? Yaksha replied – Preaching is the easiest job in this world my son . Yudhisthir became happy to know the answer because, he was also thinking in the same direction. He again asked, Hey Gurubar – What has easiest carrier avilabe on this earth. Yaksha replied – O my son, writing is the easiest carrier in this world. The eldest son yudhisthir again fall in the dilema.

Yaksha replied – Son, it seems you are not satisfied with my answer. Yudhisthir replied politely – Gurubar, you are an internal knower, and what can I hide to you? It is true that, I did not get your point. Yaksha elaborated his answer – see my son, preaching is the easiest job in this world. But, when you preach by your mouth in front of some one there is a chance that he might become angry, and if he becomes angry, he will show his anger on his face and preacher will not like it. There is also a chance of physical fighting with preacher. So, ultimately preacher will get disturbed either mentally or physically. But, when you start vomiting your preaching lessons on a paper and throw it in front of your reader, it is only his choice whether he will take it or not? It does not matter for preacher, whether reader accepts it or not. Preacher has already preached his lesson and more correctly, he has not been harmed by his listener or reader. This is the reason why a preacher becomes a writer. he want to remain allof himself from all this tragedy.

Yudhisthir replied in a satisfied tone, yes Gurubar, the dilemma has diffused now. Yudhisthir again became perplexed. Yaksha replied – O my religious Son Yudhisthir, you still has some doubts in your mind. Yudhisthir replied – Hey omnipresent Gurubar,what can I hide to you? Every thing is ok, up to this point but how these writers will get money for survival, if no body buys his book? No body read his books? Yaksha replied – million dollars question my son, million dollars even more than that. See my son; the one who becomes writer does not care about the material world. His necessities is very few. He does not have a desire of car- Corrola.

He does not have a desire for mobile-Motorolla. He does not have a desire for a good house – like Yudhisthir-villa. He does not have a desire to live in top class city – like Manilla. So, only thing is that he has to work for survival. Any how, he has to managae for two time food that’s it.

And my son Yudhisthir, by the Grace of God every human being has enough capability to maintain two time food. ( two vakat ki roti ka jugar every insan to kar hi sakta hai). Yudhisthir was quiet happy to see the reasonable answer. But as usual after this answer his mind again remain thirsty for some more. He wants some more. Dil mange more!! So, he tried to test this writer on riligious pan ; epic GITA. He processed the whole situation in his mind. He was processing and Yaksha was meditating. After half an hour religious and spiritual thinking, Yudhisthir replied, Hey Gurubar, sorry for interuption in your mediation. I have one more doubt Gurubar. Yaksha replied – don’t be fearful my son. Ask your doubt. Asking the doubt is your right and replying them is my duty, son. So don’t be shy at all, my son, don’t be afraid. Yudhisthir said- Gurubar, every thing is fine with the writer. But GITA says your work is good only if it is done for the society. I don’t see any direct impact on the society by writer’s work. Yaksha replied – very good my son, very good. See my son, a good writer, who writes keeping DHARMA (religion is not perfect word here) in his mind, always contributes to the society. But, problem is that our eye can’t see it. We are so much focused in direct impact that we can’t see it. I mean we don’t have DIVYA DRISTI like Arjun to see the real figure of Krishna.. We work in the morning and seek for result in the evening. A writer’s work; changes the value of a person, thinking of a person. and my son all these are very slow process, even slower than modern reaserch. It is in long run or in your terms it is in indirect way, his work contributes to the society. See my son; take an example of a mechanical engineer. He works for making a car in factory like General Motor. A factory, a close factory, a factory full of iron, paints glass and battery. He makes car like corolla (I don’t know which car general motor makes other wise I have put that name here) in one month and again a new model in next month; next month again new model. The limitless chain goes on, goes on. But, my son these writers are working in a open factory (closed between sky and earth), a factory of human being, a factory created by God itself. The output of this factory is making a good human being. God sends raw material like a child. These writers have duty to polish them, cast them in a good human being. If I say in your term then these writers creates good human being, a sound human being, a human being who does not have much desire for car, house, New York city, strip club, movie, celebrities. See, my son it might seems that his contribution to the society is very few, but for a normal human being this contribution is more than enough my son, more than enough. Yaksha took a small break saying more than enough my son more than enough. Yudhisthir replied – Its five o’clock morning Gurubar I have to go for something. You know na!!! its bath room time. Yaksha replied – don’t worry so much my son, keep coming, when ever you have doubt. Yudhisthir prostrated to Gurubar saying Pranam Gurubar. Yaksha replied – live a long life my son. Dedicated to my great sociology teacher Name of the title of this story has deep meaning

Daily Stuffs

Daily Stuffs

Morning 5 O’clock, Puskar got up. Ohm, ohm, ohm, Hari ohm, hari ohm, hari ohm. He was chanting Hari ohm, Hari Ohm but his mind was running on his blog, the blog which he wrote last night. Puskar is hoping, not hoping he is almost confident that some body must have read his blog, the last blog which he wrote yesterday night– he said to himself without caring Hari ohm…. Hari ohm… chant. Some body must have commented, on his article. An article; where, he poured his heart on the paper. A true story, no addition – substraction to make story interesting.

No…….. no ……….no he never does addition subtraction to make story live. What ever the truth, what ever the daily routine, what ever he felt, what ever his opinion, he writes. No borrowing of opinion from others, his article, his very own article, 100% original and innovative. The best article of his life, he has ever written. That was a nice blog, a nice story, a nice style of writing by me – he boasted to his inner sense. Puskar was thinking and performing his daily duties simultenously. Thanks God, at the time of performing these natural duties, our mind is free, we can think anything, – he said to his inner, and started to think about the blog. Today, he must have got some comment on what ever he has wrote yesterday. Some body must have read it. I don’t know why these guys don’t read so much these days – he said to himself. But, at the same time an another thought will came to his mind – why they will read, what is there in my blog, they have lot of stuffs to do, they have to bring presents gifts for their girl friends, friend, they have to go to GYM to make them selves like Salman Khan, they have to go to beauty parlor to make themselves like Aishwarya Bachhan, they have to watch movie to develop his intellect, they have to chat to make some new e-friends, and most importantly they have to take care of their sex life too. Why they will read my blog. What are there no love story, no extramarital affair, and no suspense story – my blog full boring stuffs which happens in daily life? My article is just only translation of my daily life, not more than that. He again emphasized to himself not more than that. Who cares about daily life, daily life is like these morning duties, which we have to perform any how. Every body wants to do some thing challenging, something exciting, something interesting, some thrilling job, – A job which will keep him alive, give him happiness.

They will think about something interesting not about daily life, not about routine. Now done, he is done with all morning duties. He switched on his laptop. His finger is running on the keyboard and the mind is running on his blog. He is excited. Excited, about his blog. His blog must be showcased by the editor. He must have got a lot comment. What a nice blog I wrote, last night. Completely original, 100% mine. He typed http://www.gmail.com/in the browser. Yes, Gmail server is working. He thanked to God for a good server connection. He logged in, mail box window is now open in front of him, but what is this? What is this? Unbelievable, unbelievable, not possible. Why not they showcased my blog. He was completely out of temper. They don’t know about my writing. They can’t understand my writing at all. They don’t care about daily stuffs. Why, they will care? If the whole world does not cares about the daily stuffs. Why they will care? Every body needs something interesting, some thing new, something innovative, something challenging – no daily stuffs. Puskar became slightly cool after his outburst. He became silent. In his silence, again he came to the topic and asked to himself, and; what happened to these readers, who read my blog. No comment on my blog, not even a single comment. Unbelievable, Unbelievable, Impossible. Puskar is very optimistic. He still has a hope that he must have received some comment. This Gmail website is playing game with me – he murmured. They have not sent the notification mail to me. There must be some comment on blogger site. Notification mail will come later. These servers transfers the data after some time. So, there must be some comment on blogger site – he emphasized to himself to make himself happy. He logged on the blogger site. Hey, what is this? Unbelivebale Unbelievable, completely unbelievable. No comment, not even a single comment. What happened to these guys? Where the present society is going? Not, even a single person who cares about the daily stuffs. Every body is running to west, toward western culture in a search of thrill, excitement, and most importantly sex. But hey guys , Puskar warns you, “In the west only sun sets”. You are heading towards the death of your life, towards despair of the life, toward unhappiness of life, towards bore dome of your life; he mudded in outburst. I say once again “Actual thrill is hidden in your daily stuffs”. The only thing is “You have to open the treasure of daily stuffs”. You have to make your enthusiasm, your excitements, sex, and love, everything from your daily stuffs. After all this deep thinking Puskar nodded to himself, No, I will not write, why I will write, if not even a single person is there to read my thought. No I will not write he repeated to himself. He hibernated his laptop and went for a walk. Walking is the best exercise – he nodded himself. He was walking and brooding why nobody reads my article? Perhaps, something wrong in my style of writing. No … No . I am a good writer. Every body is fool, nobody values the daily routine. But I say, daily routine work is more challenging than any other job, daily stuffs is more interesting than any extra marital affair, it is more lovable than any of your girl friend, it is more thrilling than any suspense movie. That’s why I write only about daily routine stuffs- he boasted to himself. He does not care about others. He will keep writing. Writing is my hobby. Writing without any expectation is the true writing. I will keep writing. dedicated to despair of morning.

Confused Heart

Confused Heart

(1)

Keep it – this is all, what I have with you. Saying this, he handed his autobiography, no…. no…..no…. it’s not an autobiography, it is a document, a document of collections of his memory and sentiments of last nine months, a proof of all his sleepless night, a report of answering the mysterious question-why he lost his health in his last two months, a abrupt loss of weight, who says losing weight is difficult, I say, feel like me, have a feeling like me, have a memory like me, attach with someone, your weight will automatically loose, no need of weight-loss clubs, hundred percent guaranteed, my technique is hundred percent guaranteed – Arun murmured to himself for a while and then plunged into the memory.

Accepting the forty pages well written document, Preeti asked – what is this? Why are you giving it to me? Nothing, nothing, this is my autobiography, autobiography of last nine month, written in last few days, since, I am leaving India, so I thought, I should to hand over to you. But why you are giving it to me – Preeti asked. I don’t know, I am giving, just because my heart says. Preeti looked the title page – “An nine month autobiography dedicated to Preeti” .

Preeti made an exclamatory face and throwing a smile toward Arun, she exclaimed – woooww, wowow, dedicated to me. Nothing Preeti, this is just, this is just … he don’t know, what he has to speak so, he kept some of the word inside his mouth, more correctly he doesn’t have any word for such a feeling in his love dictionary, so how he will speak.

Same like, a newly born child, who wanted to be hugged by his mother, but does know how to say to his desire to mother, how to communicate with his mother. He wants affections but does not know the way of communication. In a lack of language he starts crying, crying for getting affection, crying for love, crying to reach her mother. My situation, the same situation, even difficult from a child; because child has a right to get affection from his mother but myself, No .. no ..no I don’t has any right- Arund said to his inner. How can he get some bodies affection just for his pleasure? He does not know what to do or may be he don’t want to express it, or may be he wants to remain as he is, a climax case of euphoric pleasure, every body wants to remain in that state, a state which comes only once and for a very short time in a life span.

In reply, hiding his pain, his desire, his feeling, his love, his attachment, he simply smiled. A smile he does not know, what type of it is, he doesn’t know words for such a smile. A smile; a translation of his inner felling, which only he knows and can’t be translated into words. No … no… no … its not love- he murmured to his inner. It is just a temporary feeling he will get out of this. I have written all the feelings and memory in this document and dedicated to Preeti, so over, now over, this is not a love at all, this is just a feeling, and feelings doesn’t lasts for ever – he tried to misguides himself. Although, he is trying to change his mind with logic but his action is controlled by his heart, that’s why, only that’s why he handed the document.

Who knows the future? May be she, May be other, who knows the love, how can I say I am in love, I just feel good with Preeti, this does not mean love, it may be simply an attachment not more than that. That day, when she and I was photographed, why she took so much attention, why she was so happy, and that day when it was valentine day, why she said hey, Arun why not you present Rose on valentine day to me, she said like joke, was it a joke or serious, I don’t know even today, and that day when we are in car why she smiled on me, gazing to me, me and only me no body else, and that day she was not in a mood to go to cinema but after my emphasis she agreed, I ask why she agreed, all this just a memory, just a feeling nothing else, No it is not simply a feeling or a memory, it must be some thing else, something else. Thinking all this –Arun, handed the document, a document full of this type of memory. Now, he left the memory with Preeti.

who knows what will happen in future. I don’t know, how all this is happening, how all this happened, and I even don’t know what will happen in the future, it’s a feeling, who cares about the result, it is just a feeling.

More I will be writing. Thanks for reading

Dedicated to an article which I am writing but for some attention this one, an another article.

Past is past.

Past is past.

Is there anybody, I say once again, any body, who lives for the moment, for the present, – Shiv challenged to the community hall. A lot of hand dangled in the air accepting the challenge. Seeing all these dangling hands, Shiv smiled and replied-I say nobody, nobody lives in present. You all are trying to lie yourself, deceive yourself, and cheat yourself. The community hall became silent, completely silent, every face is astonished, everybody mind is thinking no I live for the moment, he is wrong.

Community hall is full, completely full; some people are standing in back even. Every person present here wanted to be changed their self after this motivational lecture of Shiv Khera. They want to start a new life, a fresh life, after this motivational talk, that’s why they are here. Nobody lives in present, Shiv Khera again repeated in a firm voice.

Who is the richest man present in this hall? Shiv forwarded the question to the hall? One hand, only one hand, dangled in the air. The industrialist Guru Bhai, every body knows as long as Guru Bhai is there, how anybody can dare to dangle his hand. Shiv saw- one hand is dangling in the front chair of hall. Sir, can you please come on the stage, Shiv requested.

Sir, do you think that you live in present – Shiv questioned. Yes, hundred percent sure, I live for the present. I work very hard; I work every second running in present. Why do you work so much sir? Shiv questioned again. I work for money, I work for opening new firms, I work for fame, I work to maintain our rank in the society, I work for people, I work for society, most importantly I work for my sons, for their life, for their bright future, I work every second, every second- he repeated.

Working gives me pleasure and I live in present. Well, sir, if you know your sons has lost all the property in future due to some mishap; they become like a beggar, all the business, all the money which you earned in last sixty year with every second living in present, how will you feel, hearing the news of complete destruction of your firm, your money, your hope, your future.
No, I don’t have courage to hear this news of complete destruction. Even when you said all this, my heart is beating fast. I can’t imagine such a situation of complete destruction. I prefer to suicide rather than seeing those days. That’s it, that’s it. Now you can have your seat sir, please have your seat, Shiv replied.

You don’t live in present, sir; I say, you don’t live in present. You live in future. Living in present is just an illusion to you. You work for future. I know you have passion for work, you work very hard, I know, but you don’t live in present. That is just and illusion to you. The complete hall become silent, pin drop silent what Shiv is saying?

Is there any body who thinks that he or she lives in present-once again, Shiv, forwarded the question to the hall. A hand dangled in the back row. This time a lady, a simple lady, a quiet
face, with a very calculated footsteps she reached to the stage. Shiv asked – do you think that
you live in present. Hundread percent – she replied in a very polite tone, I live in present. Are you married – Yes, I am married, she replied. What your husband does? He is a monk – she replied. Monk what do you mean – Shiv questioned. Yes, he is a monk, he left the home and went for pilgrimage and became monk. How many years ago he left you alone, Shiv questioned. Fifteen years ago, woman replied. Do you have any child, no; I was not able to give a birth a child. The community hall was totally astonished to hear this lady. Why you think that you live in present – Shiv asked again. Live in present because I don’t have any hope for future, I don’t have any son, I don’t have my husband, I don’t have any desire for money, I don’t have desire for a good house. I work in a school, where I teach small kids. I enjoy with those kids. Those kids are my life. I live in present – she repeated.

Do you have any regret or blessings to God – Shiv asked. Only one regret sir, only one regret, why my husband left me alone? Why he is so selfish to himself. But still I remember him. I love him most in this world. I pray everyday to God that he will be happy where ever he is. I love him, and my life is for him. God bless him, that’s it. I don’t have any desire from my life. Do you think he will come back again – Shiv asked. I think sir, I think he will come one day. I still have a hope that he will come. My days and night are waiting for his arrival. That’s it, that’s it. Now you can have your seat, Shiv repeated.

No, no this lady does not live in present, she lives in past, Shiv said in firm voice addressing to full hall. I say once again she lives in past. Her every second is for past. Living in present is just an illusion to her. She lives in memory of past. She have not forget her past, and she don’t want to forget that, the biggest problem.

Anybody else, anybody else, who claim that he lives in present, a hand once again dangled. This time a man, he came to the stage with a calm speed. What you do – shiv asked. I work in an
engineering company, the man replied. Are you married – yes, I am married and I have a ten years old son. What is your aim of life – I don’t have any aim to be fulfilled, what ever comes my way I accept, he replied. What ever I do, I try to be happy from that. That’s good – Shiv replied. Why you work – to live the life, the man replied, to get the money, to enjoy the work, to enjoy with friends, to enjoy the beauty of nature, to enjoy the company of people. I work for work.

Journey of life is the aim of my life. That’s Good, Shiv replied. Do you have any regret from your past, no regret, only those things happens in life, which has to be happen, things are always decided by God, we are just instrument to play the music already sung by the God. No regret. That’s it, that’s it- Shiv replied.

This person lives almost in present. I say almost not hundred percent – Shiv repeated. He does not have any regret from his past and does not have much dream for his future. He has detached himself from present and past. So, present remains only with him. But he does not have passion for present. Passion for present is necessary for the living in present.

The one who lives in present does not have time to come this type of motivational talk – Shiv said. Every body was surprised in the hall. The solder, fighting in the battle lives in present. The person who knows his death, (like a person who has a cancer and knows he is going to die in next six month) lives in present. He does not have time to regret for past and he does have time to see his entire dream fulfilled, present is the only option for him. So, he lives every moment of life with full joy, lives in present. There is nothing in this world for him. Only the moment, only the present moment, he wants to earn everything from this moment, he is passionate about the present moment without caring his future or past.

Dedicated to the CND bench where I sat …..

Keep Writing

Keep Writing

No, not today. No, no, not today, one week later, just one more week. Wait for one week, after that you will have ample of free time, free, complete free. All tension of work and mental tension will be released, you will be free, complete free, free from all tasks, free from all duties. Write Story, Write Essay, Read Novel write criticism, go for a trip and write travelogue, what ever you want to write, write in a good language, write in flowery English, write in a good style, take care of grammar, write after a prolonged thinking, don’t write suddenly. Suddenly written article can not impress a reader.

Are you writing to impress your reader or you writing to impress your inner? No, no, to impress my inner, to my inner, and only to my inner. I write for myself, for myself. You are lying to your inner, lying even at this moment, you write for your reader, that’s why you are taking care of spelling, font size, and style and font color of every word written in this article. If you don’t care to your reader then why you keep spell check on in Microsoft Word and why you are taking care of changing paragraph and pressing Enter and Tab Key before every paragraph. I say once again; you write for reader.

Paragraph change, again you pressed the Enter and Tab key, what are you are doing? Why you change the paragraph this time again. Do you think that your mind status changed? Mind is still in the in the same sate, as it was before changing the paragraph. No change in feeling, no change in emotion, no change in mental sate but here the paragraph is changed, you a true liar. You write for reader. Reader and reader only. You don’t know one time pressing Enter and Tab key meaning suppressing at least one feeling, I know your motivation of writing is “Press the Enter, Tab key and suppress the feeling”, “More the pressing More the suppressing”. Who cares about the depressing situation that will come later?

Paragraph changed, changed once again, what the hell you are doing? Keep pressing, keep pressing, readers be careful don’t take word pressing, otherwise it’s only the Enter and Tab key, which I am pressing. I am monk, a monk, a clean monk, even in my dream, I only think about Dipasha Sasu, no one else at the same time, if some times they come together, I say politely, wait for morning I am engaged with one dream, one emotion, one feeling, wait for morning, come in the morning for a fresh dream. Morning dream always becomes successful. I am faithful to my dream, to my emotions, to my memory. I am liable to my dream, and liability gives me happiness, when I get up in the morning. So at last, I say hear you inner and write for yourself, only for your self.

The more the pressing of Enter and Tab key
The more the suppressing of the feeling, and
The more the depressing the situation

So, I say don’t play with emotion, don’t calculate emotions, write down as it comes in a sequential order. Don’t separate the feeling. No need to put semicolon and full stop in the middle. I know what ever I will say is not going to change you at all, you don’t care.
Once again you pressed the Enter and Tab key. You are a liar; you write for your reader, you care to your reader. No, no, I don’t care to my reader my inner will be happy only when I write in a good way, with taking cares of style, heading, paragraph everything. I have to record my emotions in a regular way, keep in paragraphical box. I want to make a good impression of my past for my future via present, a good write up of my memories that’s why I write in arranged way, in a specified format.

From my very childhood I learned that this is the format by which ones memory and expression can be kept alive. I don’t know any other way, no other way, that’s why I write in a good format. I know it takes a lot of time, a lot of time, and some time even before writing one emotion second emotions comes, and when I start to write the second, the third and fourth emotions comes simultaneously, and due to this specified format of writing every emotion becomes mixed up, and I am totally emotionless, in such a situation. I don’t know what I have to write.

I am happy as long as my inner is happy. But my inner is only happy if I write in good way, a good article, so that I feel happy later, if I write, I become happy. Happy not because I felt happy but because energy of unhappiness is released, and lack of energy makes me happy. I don’t have time to write for my inner these days. I have to submit my project report, I have to finish my thesis, I have to go for job interview. I don’t have time to write, write in a specified format, write a good article, check and recheck after writing then why my inner is forcing me to write. Is my inner does not know all this. No, he is my inner he knows all, then why my inner says me to leave all these work and keep writing only for release of energy. I don’t have time to release my energy, but I have a lot of emotions buried in my heart. Emotions those are yelling, crying and some time weeping.

I tried to make some argument to make my inner satisfied. I said to my inner that this week I only keep thinking, as I am busy. Next week I will write, write what ever I thought. I gave logic to my inner-”Thinking makes article better.” You have to think first and then you have to write. The more you will think the better you will write. So, this week only think, maximum you can make some notes so that you don’t forget all these thinking, a note is more than enough, you can record your voice when you are going for morning walk later in free time you listen your thinking and write what ever you want.

Take some photographs of memory, or make a video to save time in writings. Oh my God, why I gave my camera to my friend for his wedding, Is his wedding is more important? Or my writing is more important? I have to recollect my memories by recordings my sound in camera. Why I gave me my camera to my friend. This is the last time, after this never. I learned a lesson never give your camera to anybody. I know his wedding picture will make him happy, and his happiness will make happy me too. But I am fool complete fool who is taking indirect happiness in place of direct happiness of memory. I ask a single question to myself, either the marriage or the writing comes first. My writing, of course my writing, Wedding can be done anytime but writing only once in a lifetime. You write only when you are forced to write from your inner. Sentiments and emotions comes only once to you, have a pen – write it down, or have a camera record it, take picture make video. Either you record otherwise gone for ever.

I say marriage is less important than my memory. I don’t have to give my camera for marriage from the next time. When emotions supersedes you, when you are forced to be writing then you write, but for marriage no body forces even every body supports you to marry. But writing is different than marriage. Your inner forces you to write? But for marriage outer world (the society and parents) forces you to marry. One is inner forced and the other is outer forced, only the difference between writing and marriage. Writing is the marriage of emotions between past and future, where both are united together by the knot of present. The story, the novel are the procreation of marriage.

Why my inner forces me to write? He doesn’t know that this week, I have to write my thesis, I have to submit the project, I have to attend job interview. The job interview a question of life. Which is more important either the job or writing. My inner knows its job which is more important than writing, then why my inner is forcing me to write. It is emotions, and emotions can not be controlled by the logic.

Still writing, go to hell, this person will be going to hell, I know I am going into the hell, but who cares when some body is happy in going to hell. Who says hell is bad. I will make hell as beautiful as the heaven even better than that. I have to write, I have to write, because it’s my inner says. It’s my inner marriage, it’s my inner job, its my inner thesis, its my inner project, a real thesis of life, a live project of life, a satisfying job to me.

I can’t deny my inner feelings and make happy the outer world. God is my thesis supervisor, my mind is my project leader, and writing is my job. Now done I am done my all emotions is written I am happy after releasing energy.

5/16/2007 1:19:12 PM
Dedicated to the emotions that forced me to write

आओ खोज करें

आओ खोज करें

(How they decide topic of research)

I have to do something for Canada, i have to do something, my dream – “Every person should have sufficient power”, More power, More power – Ken brooded. Mr. Ken Bownman, The Director, Nuclear power plant at Toronto, a person with power mind, a person completely devoted to country, a person always thinking for the development of country, a person who relates every stuff of daily life with power, power and only the power, nothing else. If country has sufficient power country will grow, if country does not have sufficient power, it will remain in the primitive age; Power a symbol of development, No power: No development, as simple as that – Ken murmured, giving a small pause to his legs. Morning walk is always a good exercise. It gives a great opportunity for inhaling fresh air and fresh thinking, all the new ideas comes only in the morning, keep observing the things and keep thinking about them, this is the only way by which Canada can grow, the only one way- he said to himself.

A bird crossed over his head; he looked in the sky, he saw a beautiful bird, what a nice bird. How the birds manage to get up so early in the morning, perhaps they don’t have anything to think in the night, no family business, no husband wife relation in the night, sleep alone and get up early, the golden rule – Ken murmured to himself. The bird sat on the electric pole. Why these birds always sits on the top of the pole, there is a lot of tree, a lot of building, a lot of mountains, but why they sits on the pole, perhaps they don’t know pole helps power transfer, and the power is the most important thing for Canada. No…. no……. these birds does not have any idea at all, that’s why they sits on the pole.

Now, see the bird changed her position; she sat on the suspended wire. These high tension wires carries a high electric voltage, I don’t know why these birds don’t get any shock even they sat on a single wire. See, another bird came; she also sat on the wire. They started to talk each other. Ken thrown his eye in the sky, what is this? A group of ten birds coming this side; they came very near to electric pole. One bird from the group (perhaps she is the leader) separated herself and came forward to ask something with sitting birds on the wire. She asked her question, a small conversation took place between leaders; she got the answer, now she came back again in her group. She gave the message to her group and every bird following her sat on the wire in a line. Now, a group of twelve birds sitting on the suspended wire, a heavy load on the wire, Ken imagined.

Among them one bird said something, another one replied. A deep conversation started. There is some meeting going on among these birds, why they arrange their meeting on the wire-Ken brooded. There are a lot of free tree. They don’t know these wires carry electricity, the power; everything for Canada. Now these birds became aggressive in talking , they started to fight each other, a hot conversation, all of them are trying to prove their logic, they are flying and sitting again on the wire, some of them are doing up and down just sitting on the wire. The suspended wire is vibrating, the insulator, (some round disks made up of ceramics and put together to make like a rod; It helps wire to be suspended via electric pole, are also vibrating. This is not good, not good at all, Ken becomes angry. The insulator might be damaged.

What will happen if some more bird will join them, the load on insulator will increase, and the insulator can break!! Not possible, Impossible, Ken completely became afraid when he imagined the failure of Insulator. NO, Insulator can’t fail, these insulator are Canada life, Canada power. The whole economy of Canada is based on the power, on the wire, on the electric pole, on the Insulator. It can’t fail.

. Ken become afraid, – the Insulator can break, he is very much afraid; Canadian economy can collapse, collapse only because of these birds!!!! No…. no… he has to do something before mishap happen; he has to do something before coming winter. He can’t imagine a situation when wire are loaded with snow, wire is facing high speed wind load, and more importantly a conference of bird is going on sitting on the wire. In such a situation Insulator can break, if this happens, it will be a complete disaster. The Insulator will break, the whole economy will break. He has to do something.

Someone has to research on this topic before mishap happens, the researcher will tell us, “will what is the chance of failure of these insulator having bird load, snow load, wind load, conference load, and vibration load simultaneously. “A topic of research.

Dedicated to those moments when I don’t want to study at all, I just want to brood and brood

Crap-Ass Job

Crap-Ass Job

I am looking for a crap ass Job. No….. No….. it’s not truth, I am not looking, I am in a hope that somebody will come to me and say that you have this job. I don’t have any patience to search a job, I don’t want to struggle now, that’s over, and my inner is dead, completely dead. I have degree from best universities fromIndia and other corner of the world. I am talented, as people says; I am a good human being; as I feel myself; I love people because I don’t have someone my own to love; I enjoy playing jokes so that I don’t feel alone; sometime people think that I am playing jokes for them; a complete illusion to the world; a illusion to my friends; I write because I can’t do anything else, I write because I love comment, comment- the strength of my life. I am looking for a job so that life goes on, I am looking for a job so that I can give some money to parents they have a lot of hope from me. From the child hood they sacrificed their happiness in a hope that one day will come and my son will take care of us. I have to give money. Giving money to parents-that is also a part my selfishness, how? If I give money, they will not know that what is going inside my inner. But I know my mother will know, one day she will discover everything, because she has internal connection of heart with me. What ever the days with me, I have to enjoy that’s it. Enjoy reading, enjoy writing, enjoy talking, enjoy loneliness, enjoy the God, and enjoy watching girls. Nothing is bad in this world, no restriction; life comes only once, you have to decide your Dharama. Live with full devotion, live with passion, don’t care about the society, what they think, do what ever you feel good.

My loneliness has taught me lesson of Dharma which no scripture can teach, or more correctly this lesson can’t be formatted in any text book. If somehow it gets formatted, you can not decipher the written code, because the code is written in a language of loneliness and you don’t know the language, so how can you decipher? First you have to learn the language then decipher the code, but once you learn the language you will not need any code. That’s why I say no use of formatting in a form of book. You can buy the life book on a cost of loneliness. If you will try to buy with a payment partial loneliness, you will not get the original version of the book; you will end up with a copied one. And every body knows reading copied one is not as pleasurable as the original one. You have to decide you want original book or you want copied one, either you want to live for yourself or you want to live for other self. Choice is yours.

Give me a job, any job, any crap ass job; part time, full time, morning or evening, time does not matter. I will show you this is the best job possible on this earth. Give me job. I know my loneliness can be ended up only with writing, playing jokes, talking with people, enjoying the moments.

Give me a job,India or somewhere else. I will preferIndia because I have my parents there. My parents, I have to take care of them, my sisters, I have to love her, my relative, I have to talk to him, my friends, I don’t like them they tried to make my fun, people working with my parents – my heart, I have to take care of my heart. You will get very less money if you will work some crap ass company inIndia. Who the hell say this? What you will do with the money? Buy a bungalow, buy a car, buy some sari, buy some perfume, and buy some sex magazine that’s it. It is not the whole life. It is a part of life; I agree, this is way to live I agree but the real life is some where else, some where else. Give me a job any where in the world in any corner, I don’t have patience to search for job. Give me a crap job. I know only the degree will give me the job. I know, I have to find my job, crap ass job. Dedicated to : Holly Lisle , a way of life

Tell Me Why?

Tell Me Why?

(personal, reader might not be able to understand anything)
W hy, where ever I go your face comes in flash back, I ask why? Why you comes without my summons. Why you came at Toronto airport, why you came when I was travelling in car, why I kissed you, why I imagined you between those tress, why I looked you in the empty field, why you touched me, why I am afraid to write all this, why I don’t want hurt myself anymore, why I don’t want to dream anything related to you, why I still feel that you are waiting for me why, why?

I don’t say, you don’t come; you are always welcome but come alone, not with any negative emotions. Leave your emotions before coming in my flash back in my dream. I know you can’t do that. It is impossible. Once you too accepted that you can’t change yourself. What ever has to be happen is already happen. That’s why, I don’t like you, that’s why I hate you, I hate you. Why you always makes me sad when ever you comes in flash back, in my dream, even in best moment of my life. Why some time I feel happy accepting all this, why I sometime feel unhappiness, sadness is also a part of life. Accept the life as it comes. Why I think forgiving all this and make myself happy. Why sometime I feel forget all this and be happy. Why I dream to make a castle of happiness in the forest of unhappiness. Who cares the whole forest as long he gets happiness in his castle? But why sometime I am afraid of not getting happiness even in my castle of happiness. Why unhappiness every where. Truly speaking, I know that my castle will stand on the base of sadness.

Why I still hoping you will come one day. Who is the criminal either me or you? Criminal bad word don’t use. I know you are ignorant, you are innocent, you have not done anything purposely, and what ever happened is just by chance. It’s neither your mistake nor mine. It is the mistake of time who did not saw what is going between you and me, it is the mistake of God who planned all this without much thinking of result, it is the mistake of situation who forced us to get together, it is the mistake of two heart who agreed without taking care of mind. We are criminals, criminal in the eye of mind, criminal in the world of logic, an innocent criminal still criminal. What is the punishment of this crime? Punishment- a loneliness life, a joyful life, a passionate life, a clear cut vision.

The world is full of cute babes, sexy babes, beautiful faces, still why I have feeling for you. Why I think I can have sex with any one else but love impossible, impossible. It happens only once in a life time. Other is either the compromise or the lust. Marriage for compromise, marriage for lust, marriage for adjustment, marriage for purpose is a crime in the eye of love God. Why people marry for these purpose. I don’t know why? You are not strong. You have to stand alone if you have these purposes in your mind. The tree of marriage planted in the soil of your weakness will never going to give you the fruit of happiness. You have to plant a healthy tree, on a fertile land to get joyful and sweet fruit.

Why I can’t plant a healthy tree. Hey, God why not every farmer is getting chance of planting a healthy tree. Life comes once only once after an eighty thousand birth, then why are you not giving everybody the equal opportunity. Opportunity of getting a healthy seed, opportunity of planting a healthy tree, opportunity of tasting sweet fruit. What the fuck he did in his previous birth so you are taking revenge from him. Why not you take revenge of their bad deeds in the previous birth? It is not fair to take revenge in this birth. If have previously revenge in your mind then why you given birth, why you planted a seed of loneliness. I know you don’t have any answer. This is your mistake and mistake does not have any reasoning, mistake is always a mistake. You are doing inequality, you are doing racism, you are doing casticism among seeds of marriage. Hey God for such a behavior God will never mercy you I know.

I have a healthy seed but I don’t have a fertile land, how can I get a sweet fruit of marriage. How can I dream a shadowy tree? In unfertile land always weak tree grows, a tree of confusion, a tree of guilt, a tree of self satisfaction from what ever fruit you get, a tree of hope, a tree of your fate, a tree of to releasing your tiredness from what ever shadow you get.
I still have a hope that this weak tree will grow, it will grow, I don’t care about shadow, I don’t care about sweet or sour fruit. It is only the attitude which makes sweet or sour not the tongue. Tongue only listen the sign of mind. If human being interchanges the definition of sweet and sour then I am the luckiest one. Who is the one who decide sweet or sour? We have our own dictionary we will define our own word and their definition in our context. Its only the attitude which gives definition of words. So at last, I still have a question, why not I grow the a unhealthy tree without caring the fruit, God, why not you give me courage to plant a unhealthy tree, why not tell every body that planting an unhealthy tree as advantageous as a healthy tree.

Dedicated to song Frozen: Madona & forgive me: brayan adam

Was it True Love Or..?

Was it True Love Or..?

All India Medical Sciences,New Delhi , third floor, Room No. 334 A, one person is waiting outside the room near the door. The person seems to be static in nature, not much worried for result of his patient, silent face, wearing simple clothes, a stable look, hands in pocket , feet – walking slowly in the corridor. The nurse came out of room. she informed him in a very depressed tone, “ She died.”” She is no longer in this world.” Your wife died. No change in the mental state of husband, no change in the expression on the face. He is same as before the hearing the news of death. No crying, no weeping. Even no ahhh ohh or any expression of sadness, It seems he was known to result previously or might be result does not matter at all. What type of person he is, one nurse said to another nurse. It seems he was waiting for her death, another nurse replied. These are worst husband possible in the history of marriage, “the first nurse replied.”

The doctor Venugopalan, head of the department, AIMMS, came. As soon as he came he asked about the patient admitted in Room No 334A. He asked what happened to that lady. She died sir. She died sir. She died, what are you saying? Dr. Venu astonished. He cried, oh my God, we doctors are completely failed, this was an extraordinary case for us. We must have to handle this case very seriously, but now we are failed, completely failed. And what about her husband – Dr Venu enquired. He is sitting outside sir, sitting in the chair.

Call him, no no don’t call I am going there myself Dr. Venu replied. He went out side the Room. We are sorry, Mr. Aditya we are extremely sorry. We tried our best to save her. But the medical sciences are not so advanced yet. We are not able to save her – Dr. Venu replied in a soft tone. No problem sir, no problem, she is dead or she is alive it does not matters for me, it does not matters for me Aditya replied. Saying this Adtiya forwarded his feet toward the exit gate of AIIMS. We are extremely sorry Mr Aditya. No problem doctor, no problem, her death has no meaning for me. Ok, doctor take care, good night, Aditya replied crossing the exit gate of AIIMS.

A nurse came and said in the ear of Dr. Venu sir, sir Dead body. Dr Venu understood what she wanted to say, doctor shouted politely excuse me Mr. Aditya what we will do with dead body. I mean whether we should burn the dead body or whether we should bury inside the soil. It does not matter sir. It does not matter to me, “ Mr. Aditya replied.” Yes, she was having a desire of her life that when she will die her eyes and heart should be donated to any person” Mr Aditya replied.” Doctor if you manage to save the eye and heart, it will be a great homage to her death, and I think her soul will be satisfied saying this, “Mr. Aditya departed.”

What type of person he is sir, a nurse asked? I don’t understand his behavior sir nurse repeated. It is a completely different case I have never handled such a situation in sixty year of medical carrier,”Dr. Venu replied.” Completely different situation. It is not only a case of Medical sciences; it is a case of Psychology too. Go and say to the head of department of psychology to have a short meeting immediately.

Every body present, head of department Psychology Dr. Hergovind Khurrana, top medical scientist and researcher Dr Madan khare, Head of the deapetment love sciences and many more eminent professor of the institute. Dr Venu discussed the case of Mr. Aditya and death of her wife. Dr. Khurana was completely astonished by the behavior of Mr. Adiyta. Dr. Madan khare said, “it seems to be a case of mental disorder with Aditya.” Dr Khurrana shook his head and taking a pen within his finger replied, it is not a case of mental disorder , it is a case of complex psychological disorder which generally happens, when somebody is attacked by love or some time might be due to sacrifice. Sacrifice and love only the two reasons as known till date to the medical sciences. In medical sciences, we don’t know much about psychological disorder. Research is going on. The case of Aditya and his wife is very interesting case. We must investigate the case. We have to talk tomorrow to Mr Aditya. Before his mental condition changes we have to record all his mental situation all symptom, all expression.. Ok. Doctor
Khurana we will be there tomorrow “doctor Venu replied.”

The very morning around 5.00 O’clock a team of doctors and nurse left for Mr Aditya house. Trin Trin, the call well rang. An old lady came outside the house. We are team of doctors from AIIMS; we are looking for Mr. Aditya. He is not here now, “the old lady replied.” He left in the morning at four o’clock saying goodbye to all of us. He said he will not return now. He said bye bye to this city. His all the belongings are still in the room, he said (weeping!!) he will have no use of these stuffs. Give it to anybody, Aditya replied at the time of departing. He left half a just hour ago. Half an hour ago; doctor Venu enquired. Yes, doctor the old lady replied.

He must be at station, he must be at station, Dr. Khurrana repeated. Driver be fast, be fast, we must have to talk to Mr. Aditya, he the important asset for Medical scientist. I have never handled such a case in my whole life time. The team of doctors’ entered in the railway station platform no one. The train is standing. Doctor Venu looks that side I am looking this side, “Dr. khurana ordered.” But, you don’t know his face, how will you search then, “doctor Venu asked,” don’t worry about his face I can guess by his activity,” doctor Khurana replied in a confident tone.”

Look, look,” doctor Venu replied” he is there, he is there. Team of doctor ran toward Mr Aditya. Mr. Aditya we need your help, society needs your help, Indian youth generation needs your support “Dr Venul said.” What type of help I can do doctor. I don’t have anything doctor, I don’t have any thing, “Aditya repeated.” I don’t have money, I don’t have job, I don’t have family, I don’t have hope, I don’t have emotions, I don’t have sentiments, I don’t have aim, except memory I don’t think I have anything else.

You have the everything, “doctor Venu replied.” You don’t know what you have. Even deer does not know that she has gold hidden in her stomach. You owe experience that is the incomparable asset for medical science. I need your experience so that future generation will be safe. We want to precede our research further. If you wish you can share your experience, its total on your choice, “doctor Venu repeated.” I can share doctor but I know your medical science can’t do anything. I know the medical science and psychology is very lagging behind the real problem. Research is still in childhood stage. Mr. Aditya please, please we need your experience at any cost, “doctor Venu requested.” No cost doctor, no cost, it is completely free of cost. I will tell you from the very beginning.

It was July 2001, I as a fresh graduate from computer science, IIIT Hyderabad, I joined the soft were company IBM. I was very eager to work. Very first day. I took blessings of God, wear new shirt, and left for office. I were shown my desk where I have to work. I found there is a girl working just beside my desk. I ignored her. I tried to avoid her. But, as time passed we became friend. We as a friend enjoyed talking, chatting online, mailing, forwarding (net message). These made our friendship dense and we started to go for tea together, we started to help each other in the coding, mean while I praised her sometime, about her style of working, about her beauty. All this made two of us a good friend. We keep talking and chatting, without knowing what is going on between us at the heart level.

One day, I said you are beautiful, very beautiful. He agreed making her face smiley, but behind the face there was a pain hidden which my eyes felt and that pain made her beauty hilarious. Doctor, I am not in a mood of remembering all those romantic moments, it gives me pain doctor, it gives me pain. If you will allow I will be cutting some of the romantic events, “Mr. Aditya requested.” Go forward those are not useful for our research point of view, we are more interested in psychology, more interested in psychology,“ Dr. Venu replied.”

Mr. Aditya continued the story. Ok, doctor,”One another day I said I like you. “She said are you mad?” We are friends, we are only friends. You will get good girls in future don’t concentrate on me. We are only good friends. I know she said the sentence “we are good friends” only from the upper mind, but at very core of her heart she also started to like me. But she is not in a position to accept, neither I nor she. Both are in a state of middle. No body knows what to do. Time passed, she tried to make a distance from me. But as she tried to make distance I came closer “Mr. Aditya replied with taking a deep breath.” Love, it is Love, note it down, “Dr. Venu ordered to nurse.” She noted. Go ahead, go ahead, Mr. Aditya go ahead, “Dr. Venu requested.”

We were becoming close but we were not accepting that we were coming closer. One further day she asked do you like me. I said yes, I like you. She replied again the same earlier sentence don’t like me, you will get good girl in future. I am not so good, I am a simple girl, even worse than a simple girl, you will get an educated one, a beautiful one, you are very smart boy, talented boy, and very caring boy. I did not paid attention what ever she said. We came closer, closer and closer, second by second, minute by minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.
One day she also accepted that she likes me. We almost agreed that we like to each other. It was agreement of heart, not the agreement of mind. By the way word agreement does suit here. We were talking and talking, chatting and chatting, everything gone well. And some more romantic dream, which I don’t want do remember doctor, I don’t want. It gives me pain. That’s ok, That’s ok, Mr. Aditya, we are more interested in psychology not in romance,“ Dr. Venu replied.”

Everything was fine up to this instant of time. One day, we were talking. As we were talking, and talking reached to intimacy, talking engrossed ourselves in deep intimate conversation, we were sharing our secretes. What secrets sex, no, no no sex. Then past no, no, no past. Then what? We are sharing our family background, how I became like Aditya, what the my childhood was, how I thought in child hood and how I think these days, how many girls came to many life etc. she also almost shared the same question. In place of girl every where she filled up with boys that’s it. Basically when ever I said something she just answered the same emotion, same expression as an extension. Those days first time I knew that girl does not have mind at all. She will only follow what ever you will say.

Like, I said I did my schooling from Kendriya School, Hyderabad, she followed me and said I did from Campus School, Chennai, but Aditya my school was coed, your one was only boys na, I agreed. I said one time, I was very sick, my father took me to every doctor reachable from my place but I did not cured. My life was in danger zone. I took all types of medicine but no cure. Ultimately my father took me to a Sage and he gave me some liquid type of thing closed in a bottle. I drank I became cured. She was astonished and somehow expression of her changed immediately. I asked what happen,”she replied nothing Aditya, nothing.” I resisted you are trying to hide, tell me what happened? Is I said something bad, “no Aditya you never say anything bad, she replied.” Then what happened I asked.

I don’t want to tell you Aditya. As she said my quarries intensified.. She said, “Aditya I don’t want to tell you.” I said what that is, please tell me.” No Aditya don’t ask. I resisted please tell me what is that? She replied,” Aditya I have cancer.” I don’t know when I will die. I am looking my death in front of me. I hear the sentence and I was almost crying. She was waiting for the death but I was dead at the same moment. The very same moment of saying, that’s the end of my life.

What can I do? I was almost crying, I was weeping, I was weeping doctor I was weeping,” Aditya repeated.” Don’t worry Aditya every thing will be ok, “Dr Venu gave sympathy and thrown his eye toward nurse saying note it down, note it down, word by word, expression by expression, sentence by sentence, tear by tear, nothing should be left. What ever is going on here is very important, very important for the world of medicine, world of psychology. She noted word by word, emotion by emotion and expression by expression.

That day, I was dead doctor, I was dead. My dead body is moving here and there. I am emotionless, I am senseless, I am dead doctor I am dead he repeated. Doctor, now I can’t speak, I can’t speak. This is the summary of my life. If you have any question then ask doctor, I will try to answer. But one thing I can tell your research is not going to do anything, this is not a matter of research, this is a matter of heart, where only the feelings and emotions travels. Research is guided by logic while heart is guided by feelings. How can you combine two different things together doctor? I know Aditya, I know, we are trying our best to get even a slight idea of emotions via the route of logic. We are waiting for the day when we will get a small fraction of result, that will be miracle in the history of medical sciences, “Doctor Venu replied.” Ok, Aditya if you don’t mind I will ask some doubts. As you wish doctor, “Aditya replied.”

Doctor Venu – Ok, Aditya, she was knowing that she has cancer then why she agreed to you, I mean why she said that she likes you?
Mr. Aditya – Doctor, it was not she, it was her heart which agreed, by her mind she always tried to make distance from me, that particular act of making distance I loved the most. I know doctor she is completely innocent, completely ignorant, a pure heart.
Doctor Venu- Ok, Aditya why not her death made you sad at all?
Mr. Aditya- doctor to answer this question first we have to know why we become sad. Attachments make us sad. Did you cry when some body die in war. No, you don’t cry, simple answer you don’t have attachments to them. You cry when somebody from your family die. Because you have greater attachment. You cry because you loose something sometime your father, sometime your mother, sometime your grand mother. But what will happen if you don’t have any relative from the birth.

Like your parents are not there, your grand parents are not there. I mean you don’t have any attachment. The same with me doctor. What ever I owned I lost. I was nothing else to loose. I was died that day when she said about her cancer. I was having nothing to loose so why I will cry doctor.

Doctor Venu – too philosophical Aditya, too philosophical, we are medical, and you are philosophical. Ok, Aditya, whether you people married to each other or not?
Mr. Aditya – Good question doctor, in the eye of God we married to each other but in the eye of society we are unmarried.
Doctor Venu – what do you mean?

Mr. Aditya – see, doctor marriage does not takes place in the community hall, true marriage occurs between two soul, and for this marriage there is no fixed date, there is no selective occasion, even both person when they got married does not know about this fact that they are married to each other, marriage is a journey it is not a result of two day celebration. So, doctor if you are talking about two days celebrative marriage then I am not married, but if you are talking about marriage as a journey then we are married.
Doctor Venu – Ok, Aditya when you was knowing that she is not going to survive on this earth for more than one year then why you not tried to look for any other girl and be committed with her.

Mr. Aditya- Once again, good question doctor, good question. Who is the fool in this world who will make axe on his leg. Happiness is the chief aim of life. Every body try to be happy. Happy from what ever ways he can, he tries his best to be happy. I am among them I tried to leave her. I tried to forget her. But the emotion of likeliness or love is so powerful that it does even see your happiness. Your selfishness, ego, everything is suppressed by the feeling of love.
Doctor Venu – have you tried any other technique for to be happy.
Mr. Aditya – Million dollar question doctor, million dollar, I am alive only because of that technique.
Doctor Venu- Nurse, carefully note it down.
Nurse – ok, sir.
Doctor Venu- what is that technique Mr Aditya.

Mr. aditya – Love of loneliness, the best technique ever discovered in the world of broken heart, start loving the loneliness, one day loneliness will start loving you and that day you will meet your soul mate, a true soul mate which everybody wants but difficult to get.
Doctor Venu- Is your loneliness is something related to God?
Mr. Aditya- See, doctor personally I never felt attached much to God, but as I have heard and as I have read the Path of loneliness goes to the God. I will be waiting for that day, till I have to suffer all the miseries of the world. People say it miseries but I took as a beautiful gift given by God itself, in true loneliness every thing becomes green, you see the world more alive, if you don’t see green every where then I can claim that it is not true loneliness, not true. Yes, it is possible that some time you might feel desert, that thing also occurs in a family life too. So, why you worry so much. I have to enjoy the world, and I have to talk to people, I have watched the movie, I have to buy some sex magazine too.

Doctor Venu – ok, Aditya did you think that she loved you truly?
Mr. Aditya – More than hundred percent doctor, more than hundred percent..
Doctor Venu – ok, Aditya, what about you? Did you love her truly?
Mr. Aditya – Now you asked the main question doctor, the important question which keeps nagging in my mind till date and will remain nagging till life. It is a dilemma. Dilemma between two emotions, See, nurse what ever I am going to tell now please write it carefully, word by word, line by line, even a single mistake in a comma or full stop will completely divert the direction of your research.

Nurse – ok, Mr Aditya, I have switched on the sound recorder too.
Mr. Aditya – that’s good. See doctor Venu. There are two emotions one is true love and other is sacrifice. There is only one difference in two emotions. True love results true happiness. Sacrificing results in imposed happiness. Real happiness mean happiness coming from your core of the heart, imposed happiness meaning- you accepts that you are happy. Which is the best way to live the life because one can’t get everything in the life. Self acceptance is the another word for same concept.

So, in true love when you sacrifice every thing you get happiness from the core of heart, but in sacrifice you get happiness via self acceptance. You get happiness always no doubt about that.
I am slightly in dilemma about true love and sacrifice. I don’t know from where the demarcation line starts. Still I have thirty to forty year to find the answer of this dilemma. Let us see which comes on the result first it’s either your research or it’s my life experience. Ok, doctor now give me permission to leave. My train is ringing the well.

Doctor Venu- thanks, Mr. Aditya, thanks for your kind help. Let us separate in a hope that either your experience or our research will bring one day the truth in lightt. One day the dilemma will be diffused.

Dedicated to: That tree and the couple who passed that day
5/23/2007 4:33:43 AM

BestOfIndya

BestOfIndya

One day, I was traveling in the evening. I was walking and looking the trees, the pond the mountain, the forest. I was watching the nature beauty and enjoying the sound of birds. I became so much engrossed in the imagination that I forgot my way, my direction of to travel.
By chance, I entered into a completely strange land, a wonderland. Everything was peculiar in this new world; I named it the very same moment the e-world. For more confirmation, I stopped a person going in the way and asked what is the name of this location what is the name of this city?

He replied,” My brother this is called blogosphere.” I was astonished; I have heard the name of atmosphere, the biosphere maximum I can recall the word hemisphere. Which type of sphere this is? I asked to myself. The blogosphere, I never heard. I realized, I have come to different sphere, different part of earth. No no, I am not on the earth, I reached to e-earth.

My inquisitive mind forced me to see this e-world. I took my mouse as a vehicle and started the auspicious tour of blogosphere. I was feeling like God Ganesh Ji. I, the God Ganesh is traveling in this city to inspect, to see the surrounding, to judge the atmosphere, to know more about the biosphere of this blogosphere. Riding on my mouse with the help of my sophisticated key board in other hand, I was observing very minutely, what is going on in this sphere?

Is some one doing wrong with some one, is some one hurting some one, Is somebody stealing something, is the ruler of the city is ruling democratically, Is the every poor person getting food. Is everybody getting praise for their work? Is there any girl who is harmed by activity called eve teasing? I was traveling and inspecting the behavior of every person there.

My eyes were on kids, on adults and even I was minutely observing the old ones. These days’ old ones are also doing a lot of problem so they are on my target eye. I was also observing the ladies and old woman. As these days I am becoming vegetarian and performing the role of

Ganesh Ji, so I was not paying much attention to the girls. I was minutely observing every activity of this blogosphere.
Oh my God, what is happening, I saw a lot of people from my land India came here as a NRI.

They are enjoying in this world. They are doing every activity what they like. They don’t care about their culture. Stealing, eve teasing, exposing, every thing is ok in this world.

I was baffled. I was astonished. I kept my feet down from my auspicious vehicle mouse. I sat in the chair and started to brood. What to do next? I gave thanks to God Vishnu who sent me in this wonderland today. If I have not seen today then there will be a lot damage will ahev been occurred which is impossible to recover. Thanks god Vishnu you sent me before time.

Now, it’s totally my responsibility. What to do next. What to do next. I started to brood. How to tell these guys that this is not your land; this is not your home. You are in a wonderland. I was brooding in my chair and idea came by the grace of God Vishnu.

I took the initiative step and launched new page, the new version of our country and God Vishnu named it “BestOfIndya”. Ganesh ji felt very happy to take the initiative step. Now the initiation is done. As a saying well began is half done? So God Ganesh did half of the work. And left rest of responsibility on us to tell every body that your own e-land has created now.

How can I tell these guys, who already lost in other wonderland? How can I tell these guys that this is not your land, this is not your city, and this is not your home? Your father is living with family in the land called “BestOfIndya” Your sister is waiting with Rakhi in her hand for your arrival, your mother has made your favorite dinner for today night, and your son is waiting for
your promises which you made just leaving for the office in the morning.

How can you think not to be tied Rakhi by your sister, will you not eat today’s dinner with your mother, will you not give a gift of a toy to your son. I know you don’t have so much time to buy everything, to go there today itself. If you don’t have so much time simply write some words for them. Every body will be happy to read your word your letter. They will think that you have reached to your land. Just give your comment how the food you liked with your mother hand when you was at home.

That’s the everything; we don’t want any gift of money. We just want some words of praise, some words of encouragement, and some words of comment. I know this time you will not deny me. You are my son, you are my husband, you are my brother, and you will make me happy.
You will come back to your wonderland. I know the world of western looks green, but you don’t know inside that green there is lots of red is hidden. You are looking only the green that’s why you don’t want to be back in your land. I know our land is not so developed, we are poor people, and we don’t have so much technology. But hey my own brother, my own son, my own father, my own sister, we have culture, we have love, we will give you homely feeling that you will never find in this wonderland. Come on to your home. Everybody is waiting for your arrival. We will keep waiting for your coming back in your mother land the ” BestOfIndya“. Even if you will not come back to your own motherland our respect, our blessings, our every thing is with you. Saying all this Ganesh ji once again sat on his m ouse and left for BestOfIndya.

Dedicated to those two girls, pond, peacock and the kutiya

Ready Made

Ready Made

Is the bomb ready, ”Ken Bownman the chief scientist of NASA asked to his colleague.” Almost ready sir,” the staff replied.” Is every bacteria in proper condition? Are you guys hundred percent sure that it will completely annihilate the mental condition of those human? I don’t care if they go to comma stage after effect of the bomb that is also fine? Our target is make them mentally ill so that they can’t think anything, “Ken suggested to his staffs.” Last time you guys made the nuclear bomb that was a nice effort. See, still people at Japan are suffering from nuclear diseases. We want to repeat the same history but this time not the nuclear one, we want bacterial one. Baceterial Bomb; the most effective way to destroy the thinking process. We don’t want take anybody life, we just want to destroy his mind so that he can’t think, that’s our main goal, “Ken repeated.” No problem sir, these bacterial bomb will take human being into the old age and they will become like primitive man,”staff replied.” That’s good, that’s good,”Ken replied.”

Top research scientist of NASA is sitting in the room and thinking deeply. Mr. Ken replied, “I will suggest that the bomb should be dropped in the land of south Africa. No, no there is no need to dropping there. Those people are already not mentally sound. What is the point of “taking life of those who are already dead”, the committee chairman suggested?

So, then where sir, where, at what place, “Ken asked.” Our target is Asia. We have already done with Japan, now tell me which country is developing at a very fast rate in Asia,”the chairman asked.” It is India sir, it is India,”Ken replied.” Yes our target is India, people of India, Inquisitive mind of india, cultural mind of young generation, is our target. We have to divert their direction of thinking. They believe in extensive studies, they always wants proof for every thing. We have to change their attitude. We have to train their mind so that they don’t go for proof, they don’t ask about the reasoning behind the sentences, the start living on readymade formulae, ready made food, ready made cloths. This bomb will do, this bomb will do, “one of the staff repeated.”

The main challenge is to train their mind so that they like only ready made. No need to read a lot of books, no need to read news paper, no need to watch long movie, 20 minute language less movie is enough for sound entertainment. We have to change their mind. We have brought them from extensive to short, hand made to ready made. That’s it Ken replied. This bacterial bomb will do sir, “one of the staff replied.”

The auspicious day came. The auspicious place Nalanda has been chosen secret work dropping of bomb. They dropped the bomb. Bacteria reached to every part of the country. The sate Bihar was most affected by the attack of bomb. Every body’s mental health was ruined. No body wants to read, no body wants to watch good stuffs, no body wants to listen good music. Every body wants readymade pill. Pill for every thing, pill for lunch, pill for dinner, pill for suicide, pill for sleeping, pill for betterment of their mental condition. Where ever you go doctor and doctor’s clinic. Every body is providing you pill, pill to making better character, pill to increase your knowledge, pill to change your mental condition. Every body was so much addicted to this pill that they can’t think anything else.

On the same land of Bihar, after some years, Fanishwar Nath Renu (A great writer by birth) born after some year. He saw the condition of Bihar. He was almost crying to see the condition. He started to write to change the mental sate of Bihar. He wrote the first novel, he published it, he got the first comment, we want pill not the novel. Pill of a sentence.

Dedicated to first topic called pill for this article by the way this article is itself a pill

Heart Clinic

Heart Clinic

Heartily speaking this article, I am not writing for my rank increment or not for comment purpose or even not for readership. On the opposite side, I want fewer readerships for this article. If some body finds reading interesting that’s the blessing for me. I pray to God that no body will find this article useful. If anyone one finds it useful meaning there is something wrong inside the core of heart. Hey, God give every body pure heart and never broke. Heart is most sensible thing in the world, only those can realize who have broken down some how.

Well, how the broken heart born, what his condition is after broke down, how to know one heart is broken. I don’t have time discuss all this at this point of time. I just want to discuss something which may be useful for practical point of view. It all my experience and one are completely free to say that it’s all shit I am talking about. Shit and only shit. Well, coming to the point, this article is a practical guide how to mend your broken heart. I don’t have any connection with medical world and I also don’t have any consultancy in the field of psychology. Then why I am writing all this.

Good point, I believe that accepting the truth is the best cure for heart diseases. I have my own logic to prove the things. I have my own logic to stand in opposite direction of wind. What ever is in this article is only my belief and I consider truth it more important than even psychology and medical science. Accept the truth and bare truth is cure for everything.

There a group of people they try to become happy by hiding the truth. I even come across some relationship in which couple lies to each other. They say that truth is hard bear that it may break our relation. Then what is the reason of reveling them. I ask a simple question to those couple if they are trying to make each other happy by hiding something, then what the meaning of relation even. Relation based on untruth is not a relation at all.

One partner always keeps feeling guilty. Then what is the meaning of relation at all. Well by the way I am going to write how to don’t lie. Here in this article my intension is that what you do after you know the truth. How can you stand with relation? It is most challenging job in the world; you have to make a lot of effort. For those who don’t know anything about this type of problem can easily say that it is very easy to accept the truth. But I can guarantee that as soon as such a situation will occur to them they will fly away.

I don’t believe in hiding the truth and become happy, I believe in nakeding the truth and see the naked part, so what ever is here is just an analysis of mental situation caused by broken heart. I am assuming here that one partner says some bare truth which hurts a lot to other one, and now this question always keeps nagging in other partner’s mind. Question may be any thing like infidelity, extramarital affair, sex, love or premarital affair.

I am assuming that there is a broken heart and it has been broke down due to some past problem, might be past love, and might be past relationship. One thing is common among all these broken heart that is every broken heart remembers something which keeps coming in the mind and as soon as it comes to mind as a flash back. You start remembering everything from your past. Memory is everlasting no doubt about that.

You start feeling like in a hell. You start feeling like a suicidal situation. Your mind is not working at all. You are not listening to any one, you don’t care to anything. You think to hurt yourself. Thanks God at that point of time you don’t get the suicidal pill other wise it will be completely disaster. It is the climax time when you have to save your self. If you saved yourself from this time then you are done. Your life is beautiful; your life is full of happiness. It is the only time when you have to save your self, from hurting yourself.

There is one technique to be rescue from such a situation, no, it’s not a rescue but you have to stand in the opposite direction of wind. Where ever you will go every one give you the technique of rescue. What is that?

They will say suppress your felling. Don’t remember the things which hurt you. As soon as such an emotion comes try to go somewhere else, listen some songs, keep engaged you’re self. Don’t worry with time everything will be ok. Time heals every thing.

I ask a simple question to that person who gives the opinion of suppression of feeling. I know memory goes away with time but up to what time you will keep waiting so that your memory will go away and you will recover your self. It will take years to forget the memory. So, will you keep waiting for that day, Will you sacrifice all these present days in the waiting for future days. That’s the worst part. Its not fare to even present not even to future.

Here is trick of standing opposite to wind. You have to play a game between mind and heart. Heart always accepts the truth and enjoys the beauty of truth ness. It does not care about how bitter the truth is? It is the mind who tells you the bitterness of truth. It is the mind who thinks all this about present future, loss profit, every thing. So, once you feel pain in your heart it is because your mind sends some signal to your heart. As soon as heart gets signal it starts aching.

Now it’s your choice whether send these signals to heart or not. The one who are suppresser says that don’t send signal to heart, don’t think about your past. On the other side I will say as soon as signal comes to your mind. Don’t fly away. Keep thinking, keep thinking, you will be going to hell. I say go to hell take a tour, see what is there. Once you will keep touring you will find you have came outside of the city as you was engrossd in touring.

I mean first you will feel very depressed. I say feel depressed what is problem in feeling depressed. Who says feeling depressed is a bad emotional thinking. Take it as a positive aspect of mind. Enjoy depression. Don’t worry what other says. It’s your life, you have right to live your self. After one or two hour brooding you will find that your all depression has gone away. Now you started to enjoy the present moment. You are in the real world. You started to love everybody. You will feel completely live.

This technique is still in research and a lot of experiment is going on. As soon as positive result will come we will inform you more. Thanks for reading.

Causality

Causality

Mother – Sleep my son, sleep.
Son- No mother, I will not sleep. Tell me a story, then only I will sleep.
Mother (with a slight anger)- Sleep my good boy, otherwise ghost will come.
Son- No, mother tell me story. Tell me story.
Mother- Which story, I don’t have any new story, I have already told you all those, which I knew.

Son- No mother, tell me farmer one, the farmer one in which farmer has three sons and a daughter.
Mother – ok, I will tell you again. The farmer was very laborious like your papa. He works in the field whole day and came at night. He wanted that his son should not come into the profession of farming. So he tried his best to give them good education. He sent the eldest and the middle son in a boarding school at near town. The eldest son was very good in studies. He got a good job soon after completion of his studies. He got married, and shifted to a metropolitan city. After shifting in that city he never came again to his village to see his parents. He was having very proud of his knowledge. He thought the people in the village does not knows anything, so what is the point of going back to village.
Son – he was not a good son mother. What was his name?
Mother – his name was “Vanity”, Vanity you understand.
Son – vanity mean proud mother.
Mother – yes, my son.
Son – and what happened to the middle son who was not so good in studies.
Mother – He failed in the exam. He was very depressed. He don’t want to show his face to anybody. He came back to his village to live with his parents and continue farming.
Son – did he continue the farming mother?

Mother –he started the farming, but people at the village always ask a question to him. You are so educated; you took education, why you are working in the field. Every educated person is living in the city, what are you doing here? He does not know how to prove to villagers that he has failed in the examination. No body knows what is the meaning of pass or fail. Every body simply knows that one who took education go to the city with his wife and never comes back to village. He was very depressed. He wanted to help his father in farming but he was depressed so he left the house and went some metropolitan city to work and never came back.

Son – oh mother, he was a good son.
Mother – yes son, he was good.
Son – what was his name mother.
Mother – his name was “sadness” my son.
Son – and what happened to third son mother. He was in the village itself na.

Mother – yes, son he was working in the village itself with his parents. He and his father worked together for a long time. They grew good crop almost every year. They were happy. This son got married. His wife wanted to be happy life. She wanted to remain alone. She did not like his parents much. She wanted that her husband should take his share and live a happy life apart. He did the same. He said to his father, father I want my share, and I want to live alone with my wife. This was the worst day for the father. He said all property is yours. Take the entire field and leave only a small land so that I, your mother and your sister will live happily. He did the same and became happy.

Son – he has not done fare with his parents and sister.
Mother – yes, my son. It is not a story of a house. It is a representative story. It is a story of every family.
Son – what was his name mother?
Mother – people say him “selfish”, my son.

Son – and what happened to farmer’s daughter, mother?
Mother – The farmer became old, he was not able to work much in the field. His daughter is helping them in every activity of life. She made the lunch, she washed his clothes, she managed the work of filed, and she brought the medicine for his father. She was very happy to help his father. The farmer wanted to marry her as soon as possible.
Son – what was her age mother?

Mother – son her age was 25, so society was forcing her parents to marry her as soon as possible. The farmer wanted to marry her. But he was very ill. He was having short of money. One day farmer said to her daughter, hey my daughter my utter desire in this life is to fix your marriage. What the society will say if I will be died without seeing your marriage. Daughter replied,”hey, father why you care so much about society? I will be happy to remain unmarried, but I wanted you to be cure from diseases.
Son- is her father cured from disease.

Mother – no, my son, it was an incurable disease so, he died without fixing her marriage. At the death bed he said that I have only one regret from life.
Son – what was that mother?
Mother – farmer said I have not done anything for her who care so much for me.
Son – what was the name of his daughter mother.
Mother – her name was “Love” my son.
Son – I did not understood much about the behavior of daughter.
Mother – it will take time my son, when you will grow you will understand more about her daughter. It is only the love which does not cares about the causality, all other works in this world is driven by causality.
Mother – now sleep my son.
Son – ok mother. Sleep in the name of her daughter.

Dedicated to a story which I read on net, the idea of writing I took from there, but theme is origional

Thanks

Thanks

T hanks God. Thanks for not giving me so much memory. Thanks that I remember only few incidence. Now I am very happy that I have little memory. If I would have more memory then I have been hurtled more myself. Thanks that what ever memory I have is in negative context. Every memory says that she tried to play with me, she tried to make me fool, If I would have been positive memory with then it will be hard to live me with those memory. Because in that case I would have been thought myself guilty.

Thanks that I still have so much strength to live the life. Thanks that I am not feeling myself guilty. I am feeling that I have not done fare with some one, but I have bigger feeling than this that some one also has not done fair with me. More importantly she always tried to make me fool. Thanks that I have never played any game with her. I don’t found myself much guilty. Thanks God, you saved me. I am free from guilty. God if you think that I am guilty then let me know at this point of time. Later I will not hear any complain of yours about hurting somebody. I am ready to accept every punishment if I have hurtled somebody. I know God I have hurtled somebody but that is not my mistake. And what about my heart, it is made up of stone. It never hurts. I don’t say some body hurtled me. It was my fate. I am happy that at the end of every thing you gave me the rule of self acceptance. I loved your this idea. Thanks God for giving the key of self acceptance.

When I try to remember I don’t find anything to remember. Thanks that I don’t have so much deep memory. I have an imprint on my heart that is only problem with me. Hey God do you have any eraser, if you have let me know. I want to erase those imprints from the wall of my heart. Hey God, I want to rub imprints on my heart. Hey God, do you think that have I ever made imprint on somebody heart. Yes, I know yes, I made. But, what can I do God. When I was making my imprints on some body heart, why not you told me that these heart walls are not clean. Some body already has written something.

No, no heart was clean when I left my imprints. Her mind was not clean, heart wall were clean. Hey God, if her heart wall were clean, but mind was not clean then why you put me in such a situation. Why you make a business between my pure heart and my pure mind with her pure heart and her impure mind. It is all your fault God, its all your fault. I say this is not even a business this is a deceive, a fair deceive, whether you accept it or not. It does not matter to me.
.
Hey God, why not you give everybody so much courage to speak truth. If some body mind is not clean then she has courage to say that she is playing game. Or, in other way round why not give every body good eye so that he can observe that somebody is deceiving him, somebody is trying to play with him. I know you will say no body gets everything in this world, every body has to self satisfied him self from what ever he get.

I don’t want to make business between two unequal things. Business between pure to pure, impure to impure no business between pure to impure. I don’t want something which is not pure. I need clean hundred percent clean, clean with mind and clean with heart. Living with a person with impure mind always tells you about impurity. It is always better to live alone rather than living with a person of impure mind. Thanks God that you have given me loneliness. If would have not given this to me in that case I would be really very alone. Thanks God, you sell loneliness free of cost. I don’t understand in a professional world where every thing can be buy in terms of money. Why you are not taking any money for such a wonder ful thing called loneliness. I know this is because there is not much demand in the market for loneliness that’s why you are giving free of cost. As soon as people will know that there is nothing better than loneliness then you will start charging. I know. You will charge a lot.

She Comes.

She Comes.

Rohit – See my face Arun, how it is looking?”

Arun – Hey Rohit, what you did with your face. New experiment with your own face. What you pasted on whole face?
Rohit – Oh, Arun, it is due to Sun God. It is the blessing of Sun God. These days Sun God is very angry and throwing his full energy directly to the earth. He is not worried about other satellite at all. See, due to all these ultra violet rays my face is burnt.
Arun – oh, your face is burnt.

Rohit – yes, my friend, yesterday when I went to university, one of my friend laughed at me. He joked,” comparing me with Hanuman Ji.” Later when I looked in the mirror then realized I was seriously looking bad. Later in the evening I discussed all this with my Bhabhi Ji on phone.
Arun – what your bhabhi ji said? By the way your Bhabhi Ji is very beautiful. Don’t take it other wise.

Rohit – she gave me an idea. She told that if I put a paste of turmeric powder on my face it will be ok in two or three days.
Arun – so that’s why you have pasted the turmeric powder. Bhabhi Ji said,”paste Turmieric you did, but if we say take some tablet from medicine store you will not take I know, every where Bhabhi ji and Bhabhi Ji.

Rohit – No Arun its not like that. Turmeric is really good for making face beautiful. Even a black person becomes fair complexioned with a regular use of turmeric. See my face.
Arun (going near to his face and observing carefully) – yes friend, your face is looking fair complexioned, and the scent of turmeric powder is good. You are looking like a bride. Oh my God such a beautiful face.

Rohit – hey, don’t think anything else.
Arun – Is this is the same turmeric powder which we uses in the marriage?
Rohit- Are you fool, turmeric is always turmeric, whether you use it in the marriage or you use it in the vegetable.
Arun – oh I did not know that. I thought there must be some spiritual turmeric for marriage purpose.
Rohit (singing a song har kisi ko nahi milta…..) – How is your studies is going, Arun?
Arun – from where the studies came in the middle of turmeric powder discussion. You are master in changing the topic of gossip. As soon as some topic related to marriage and love comes, no no love and marriage, marriage as a result of love, you try to change the topic. Why these days you are not interested in love and marriage type of conversation. Initially you were very interested. Most of time you initiated the discussion of love, now what happened. In those days, you brought love topic in the middle of politics. Some time by your grace politician also felled in love.

Rohit – No friend, it’s not like that. There is nothing like love in this world, every body is selfish, every body looks his own advantage. It is the self which is utter most desire of human being. Love comes after the selfishness. Saying this sentence, Rohit lost in his world of thinking.
Arun – what are you thinking, Rohit?
Rohit – nothing yaar, just…. Ok let us study we will talk later on this issue.
Arun left for study and Rohit sank in deep thinking. Why it happens when ever he came across any thing related to love, marriage, her girl friend comes to memory, why he starts imagining all this.

Rohit (in imagination) – oh, how will my girl friend will look in turmeric powder at the wedding day, but why I have always negative feeling for her. I don’t want to remember all this. I don’t want to imagine all this. My life is ruined. I don’t believe in love and marriage. I want to forget her, but why I see her in my memory still. I know she deceived me, but why I still have feeling for her. No no from next time I will not think any thing related to love or marriage. We have to concentrate on work. I know as soon as she comes in my memory I started to feel depressed, painful. I know memorizing her self is just hurting myself, but still why I want to hurt myself. No no from next time I will not hurt myself. I will not hear any love song, I will not look at any girl which looks like her, I will not imagine about marriage, I will not see any romantic movie. Now I am on different track a track of loneliness I have to keep going only on that track without caring anything. This was my last thinking, now over.

Dedicated to: turmeric powder

Jungle Raj

Jungle Raj
(Forest land)

350 A, King street,
Microsoft head office
New York
B6T563

Sir, Lion is waiting out side the room ,”the personal assistance of Bill Gates conveyed the message to Bill Gates.
Bill Gates – what? Lion? What do you mean? Lion in New York.
Personal Assiatance – yes sir, Lion, from deep forest of Satpuda, India. Lion eneterd into the the room angrily.

Lion – what do you think, I am your slave. This is your first and last chance. From the next time if I would have to wait for even a single minute outside your door you are finished. You all are finished. I don’t care Window XP or I don’t care Microsoft word at all. When I will start eating, no java code is going to save you guys.
Bill Gates – sorry Lion sir. I was not knowing. Sorry.
Lion _ ok, that’s ok.
Bill gates (saying to his PA) – hey, bring a cup of tea, what you will prefer sir, tea, coffee, coke, beer, or red wine.
Lion – bring some Vodka, its morning time, in morning I generally take light drink.
Bill gates – ok, sir, Now tell me, how can I help you?
Lion – Never use word help. Don’t use. I never take anybodies help. I want result and I give money for that. That’s it. I need some consultancy regarding my web page.
Bill Gates – what happened sir.
Lion – our culture committee ( member: goat, ox, car, rat, deer, goat, every body) has decided that we have to publish our culture to the outer world. I mean we want to publish our idea to other planet like earth, sun and moon.
Bill Gates – that’s very great initiative step, sir?
Lion (with anger) – what a great initiative step? No body is paying attention on our website.

We have culture, community every thing but no one is member.
Bill Gates – sir, we will tell you every trick don’t worry at all. We are the expert web page manger and publisher. Just let me know why you want to publish your page. We will decide our tips according to that.
Lion – you don’t know the reason.
Bill Gates – sir, I know but I want to confirm.

Lion – the same reason which is hidden behind the every work. The money God. Now we are also entering in the business of finance. But nobody is member of our website. We are publishing best article from our forest. Every cultural dance has been displayed step by step, every old moral story has been translated in human language for the benefit of earth. Our talented deer has written a novel regarding our emotions and sentiments. How we feel about human beings?

How these human are harming the natural environments for money. Every this has been clearly written point by point. Oh that novel “Human being in a deer eye” is masterpiece. I know this time Nobel Prize for literature is going to won by my deer son. By the way I don’t believe in Nobel Prize. We are the best. I know. But the biggest problem is that nobody it paying attention on our page.

Bill Gates – Don’t worry sir, we know the trick. First thing first. Take help of sex. The best trick 100% guaranteed. Put some sexy image on the front page. Be careful don’t use full naked one. Other wise site can go into the 18 years older category.
Lion – hey, Bill what do you think? We are fool like you. We are lion, and lion never takes help of sex. You human are weak who takes help of sex. Our culture is not bad. We always have respect for woman in our community. We will prefer to die before nakedeing women.

Bill Gates – sorry, sir. I am really sorry. I did not know that. There is one another trick. As soon as any client come to your page. Showcase them. Give the feeling that is his house. He will very happy to feel like home and then never will be go any where else. This technique is taken from Indian marriage system. Treat them like husband. You are the wife, you have to give sufficient entertainment, So that he will never look outer world for enjoyment. Praise them. Care them. Care and praise are the most paid emotion after sex.
Lion – it seems good, but you don’t think it is deceive to them. Do you not think they will feel more better than what they deserve?
Bill Gates – that’s ok. I know sir you guys are superior than us. But some time for publicity you have to take some wrong path. It is valid according to our constituent article No. 324. See the Article No. 324 there on the rack.
Lion – ok, I will discuss this idea in our culture community, if it has been agreed by our cultural parliament. We will apply.

Bill Gates – see sir, as soon some guest comes to your home, it’s your duty that you have to give homely feeling. It is you who has to keep engaged him. Keep engage so that he will not feel that he is doing something wrong. It is always better that give them a lot of praise, rank them according to his ability.
Lion – what do you think every body has ability?
Bill Gates – why you care what they have or what they don’t have? It is not your business. Your business is to publish the page and make money. That’s it.
Lion – it is not fare Bill, it is not fare to them.
Bill Gates – see sir, we are no one who will decide whether we are doing fare or not. Every body has his own mind so they decide their selves. We are just luring them. A fair lure without taking any help of sex is allowed in our scriptures.

Dedicated to: my weak vocabulary

Acceptance

Acceptance

Now, I got the motivation for writing. From today morning, not morning, I am lying, from yesterday night; I am sitting in my bed keeping laptop in my lap and trying to write some article. Wait some time surf internet, then write, my mind said to me. My fingers obeyed the mind order and keep working with keyboard. In this time mind was completely free and enjoying. But time to time he was feeling guilty that he is not writing. He has to send the signal to fingers so that finger cans start writing. In spite of sending signal he is trying to make excuse like what is the meaning of writing? Why I will write? What I will get from writing? A very common question. I know these have no much meaning for those who writes but still I am enjoying the thinking process to save myself to write.

Surfing on the webpage, I came across the Paulo Coelho blog page. http://www.paulocoelhoblog.com/ I got the motivation that’s it. If such a big person is blogging then I am not on the wrong track, I am on the right track, only thing now is to I have to just keep writing. I have to be on track. I have to keep myself motivated. Once it is known that you are on the right track, you keep going. Realization of track is important for walking. It does not matter what you get at the end. But the information about the track is very important for walking because once you start walking you must be fearless. If you are worried about some animal, some robber in the way then enjoyment of journey goes away. If there is some robber in the way then it is always better to know that there is some robber in the way. Once you know that there is robber then you keep prepared to accept the challenge. In this case you are not feared at all, for some person this type of journey becomes more exciting. They say life is a name of accepting challenges and risk.

The more the stumbling block you will come across the stiffer you will become, the happier you feel, the more thrill in the journey. So, clearing your confusion before starting the journey is very important. You can’t walk on a road of life with a confused mind. Confusion is the mother of unhappiness. It is always to remain unhappy with a clear cut mind rather than remain unhappy with a confused mind.

Unhappiness and happiness is only the state of mind. Who says happiness is better than unhappiness? Who decide enjoyment is better than pain? Happiness, unhappiness; Enjoyment, pain are mental state. We are the business man, pure business man, who do business every where. Business with emotions to fulfill our selfish desire. We are taught from the child hood that happiness is superior to unhappiness. Why we told that enjoyment is the natural tendency of human mind.

We have to remain ourselves pain less; we have to remain our self happy. Ok, I say you will be pain less and happy to. But who will take care of those who are in pain and unhappy. Who are we to say that those guys are inferior to us only due to mental state? No we can’t say. That’s ok. But they are felling depressed and inferior to us. They are also human being. Only the change in mental state can’t make somebody happy or some body unhappy. Happiness and unhappiness are only the emotions not an object. We associate value with objects not with emotions. We have to accept the mental condition in the same way as it comes, we always accept our selves as we are.

We have to walk on the given track without caring robbers and flowers. It is only illusion that seems to us that some body got flower in his account and some body got thrown on account. If you start feeling love of thrown bedded in the path then you will enjoy the journey. The journey is too short that we not have time to bother about happiness and unhappiness. What ever came to account take it with full devotion and start walking without asking what will happen at the end, how many robbers is going is rob us in the Journey.

Dedicated to: Paulo Coehlo blog page

Performance

Performance

Pusan -Hey, Gaurav let us come. Dinner is ready.
Gaurav – Ok, Pusan, Just a second please, I am writing a email and then coming.
Pusan – these days you are writing a lot of emails. It seems something is going on. Who is the girl, let me know too friend. Don’t keep so secret.
Gaurav – No friend. I am writing mail for my sister.
Pusan – ok, I thought some thing else. Oh, if you are writing for sister then come and have dinner. What is the urgency of writing the email? You can write later.
Gaurav – Ok, just a second. Let me finish the last line. Its group mail, read before click send button. You arrange the plates at table. I am coming.
Pusan (arranging the plates on table) – oh, very good smell of rice, Basmati rice, Potato the king of vegetable, where is the spoon, here, ok.
Gaurav – Do you have salt there on the table?
Pusan – Not Gaurav, plese bring the salt.
Gaurav (with eating) – nice taste buddy, nice taste.
Pusan – your sister participated in Indian Idol, what happened?
Gaurav – yes, you also send a SMS tomorrow at 99675426 at 8 O’clock to vote my sister. I have forgotten to tell you. I was so engrossed in emailing that I forgot to tell you. Tomorrow is her final performance. The result depends on how much SMS she gets?
Pusan – the result only depends on SMS not on the performance.
Gaurav – No buddy, SMS is directly related to performance, these days television completion are becoming more open. They take opinion from Junta directly by SMS. This is the best style of healthy competition. The better the performance the more the SMS and. More SMS meaning performance is better. Indirectly performance is judged by the audience via SMS.
Pusan – That’s a good idea. More interactive too. Good conversation between audience and performer via television authority of India. So, have you called to your relatives?
Gaurav – yes Pusan they are in interior town, there internet is not possible so I called in the morning today itself. They don’t even have the cable connection.
Pusan – if they don’t have cable connection then how they will watch the performance?
Gaurav – perhaps they will not be able to watch the performance. I have given the mobile no 99675426 for doing SMS. They will do exactly on 8.00 O’clock in the night.
Pusan – if some thing went wrong, I mean time table of performance change then?
Gaurav – oh, for that I have solution. I will ring them and say that wait for some time. And later when the performance will start I will say send SMS they will send.
Pusan – That’s why today you were busy in emailing.
Gaurav – yes, buddy almost I have emailed to 300 friends to watch the performance of my sister and send the SMS. If some one is busy (like travelling, eating, bathing, playing) then simply send the SMS at 8 o’clock no need to watch the performance. Performance; they can watch anytime. These days TV Channels are showing the same episode many times in a week, but voting occurs only once.

Pusan – that’s nice. By Insann Allah your sister will come first.
Gaurav – yes buddy, she will come first. My parent, elder sister and brother have worked hard to spread the message.

Today performance day, every member of Gaurav’s family is exited. 8.00 O’clock performance started. SMS, SMS and only the SMS. Every one is doing SMS.
usan – Hey, Gaurav how many SMS more you need to come first.
Gaurav – we need only three more SMS.
Pusan – wait a minute, I am going outside on the road. The Ricksaw Wala ji (a vehicle puller) has the mobile. I will ask him to do SMS.

Pusan (to Ricksaw walla ji) – Bhaiya ek SMS ker do na. (Ricksaw walla ji does not understand English, meaning of the above line; please can you send an SMS on 97354273)
Ricksaw walla – I don’t know brother, what do you mean by SMS? (Again it was Hindi) I only know how to dial the number and talk to my family in the village. Let us keep my mobile and do the SMS yourself sir.

Puskar took the mobile and did the SMS. He repeated the same act with three Ricksaw walla. Gaurav came out side the house shouting “hey Pusan my sister is first my sister is first.”
Pusan – congratulation, yaar, congrats.
Gaurav – let us go and have some sweets. They went for Landmark and brought best sweets.

The ricksaw wallas saw those guys eating delicious sweets and not able to understand anything. One Ricksaw walla asked to another’” what type of performance this is? “The third Ricksaw walla replied,”it seems our media has become so advanced that they changed the definition of performance.” They three laughed once again and left for their duty.

Dedicated to : email and Ricksaw walla Ji

Internal Editor

Internal Editor

Reading is necessary for writing. Writing after reading! What do you mean? Copy paste of ideas, stealing the ideas. No, no I don’t mean that. I am saying to take inspiration from reading. I am saying not to steal ideas. Some time it happens that you become bored with writing. Hey bore is not a good word. I simply mean you don’t feel motivated to write. Writing is itself a tough profession and needs inspiration. I know it is a creative and 100% creative profession. Charm of

writing is always there, still some time we are not feeling to write.
What happens when you read something, you get a jerk. You were sleeping till late morning, you were brooding after getting up from last three hours, then you started to browse the internet and suddenly you got the jerk. You read something and your emotion forced you to write. It’s is internal inspiration. Inspiration from your heart. You are not begging some body for inspiration. It is your inspiration which you awoke from your inside by reading. You bought it from the market of literature. Reading awakes the sleeping writing soul. It generally happens that writing soul enjoy sleeping, enjoy not to write.

There are two way to keep writing.

The first : Force your writing soul to write. You have ideas, you have emotions, you have memory force all these feelings into word. They should be come on the white paper word by word. Is anything wrong in this style of writing? May be this type of writer will be very successful in his writing carrier. He has a lot of books published in his account. He has very tight schedule for the day due to attending a lot of conferences. He is surrounded by people. He is surrounded by the media person. Every body knows that this person is the best writer in today’s date.

But unfortunately it the writer, who knows truth. Truth is completely different. He is alone in a crowd, he does not have anything to speak in a full of media crowd, he does not able to feel those praises of audience. But why? I ask why? Simple answer he took the wrong path of writing. He made writing as a business. He wrote the forced emotions. He diluted his sentiments by the impurity of mind force. He is not happy at all.

The second: Write what ever comes to you; write only when our inner editor says to you. Don’t write when you don’t feel to write. No need to write. It is better to feel guilty before rather than feeling guilty after writing. This sate of mind is not incurable. This disease can be cured easily by the tablet of reading. Once you start reading your internal editor becomes motivated to write. This editor does not care the outer world at all. Who will praise, whether his article will be published or not, whether the audience will enjoy or not. He does not care any thing. He simply enjoy of writing.

That’s why it is called natural translation of felling, sentiments and emotions. God also appreciates those writers who keeps himself aloof from the society and keeps writing for the pleasure of his internal soul.

Dedicated to: Wendy Kennar; writing time

Internal Reader

Internal Reader

How many readers do you have? Hey, I am not talking about Acrobat reader. I am talking about you as a reader. Every body has two readers, the first one outer reader meaning mind as a reader; the second one, the inner reader, the soul as a reader. Do we always use both readers for reading any articles? Answer depends upon person to person. This is question of emotion. This is a question of information. This is a combat between mind and heart. Mind enjoys information. Soul enjoys emotions. When ever you are reading any article, both of your editors become active. I mean both are switched on at the starting point of time. Now it depends on type of article and you, which reader participate more in the process of reading. If article is informative and you prefer information then mind editor starts working seriously. You feel enjoyed in reading. Then what will happen if I come across some emotional article. I prefer information. I prefer mind to work. Simple, you will not enjoy the article and after two or three pages you start feeling dizzy. Hey, how can you say our soul is not active? Who are you to say that information is only enjoyed by mind not by the soul? A simple proof when soul is active it does not care about the result, soul does not care to mind and when mind is active it keeps calculating the loss and benefit of every act, and that’s why you start feeling dizziness. There is no superiority or inferiority between mind and soul. These are two sates of human being. And we have to accept ourselves as we are. This is the reason why a lot of literatures are available.

If article is full of emotions and sentiments and your soul enjoy emotions. In this case soul becomes active. And it takes charge of reading. Soul starts crying, weeping, shouting along with character of novel. Soul goes to washroom along with the character. Soul encompasses the mind in this case. Soul gives signal to mind. Soul wants to remain in this mental state only.
Dedicated to: Wendy Kennar; writing time

Inauguration

Inauguration

Today, that’s it. Today, i will start. Now i have to live for myself. Over,it’s over, living for other is over. Living for other is not a life at all. Living for other means slave of other. I born alone and i have to depart alone from this world. Then what is meaning of all this relationship. No relationship exists. Relationship is the other name of mutual selfishness. God has made us alone we have to live alone. We made relation of mother, father, sister and wife to fulfill our own desire. Relation losses their meaning as soon as you know we are selfish. If you don’t know then it very good for health. I suggest remain in dark, ”Hamid was walking and thinking all this.”
Live for your self that is the best thing in this world. I know you will not going to agree with me. You will say living for your self is the worst thing. Every body live for himself. God made our life to live for other, help other, and take the soreness of other. Ok, as you wish. It’s your life; you decide what you want to do? I am selfish hundred percent selfish. It is not the condition which made me selfish; it is my soul which told me that you have to be selfish. Yes, this is true that situation helped me to realise this fact, “Hamid was walking and thinking.” No that’s over, now i will live for my self.

These trees, these pond, these sky are only mine. These are best relationship i ever have on earth. Where ever i go they go with me. They never expect any thing from me. Always give something to me. It’s a true these tress loves me a lot, they never ask for anything, what ever, at any time, at any place of world. If i desire they give me love. They love me. They accept me as i am, they don’t ask any question, why i came back, why i have not brought money. They don’t ask why i don’t love them. Sorry tress, sorry sky, sorry pond. I know you love me without expectations but i expect. I expect relationship, Sky – my father, earth – my mother, trees – my house. Over, Over, Over all the artificial relationship with parents, sister, girlfriend are over. Now i will live for my self. I will start my work. Hamid was walking and thinking.

Work for myself. I don’t care about money, i don’t care about society, i don’t care anybody. I have to live for myself. Every body deceived me, everybody broke me. I will tell my story to people. I don’t care they listen or not. I will write my story for myself. For my satisfaction. I worked for relation. It does not worked out. I did not got satisfaction. let us try the other side of the coin i might feel good. From today i will start writing for myself. The journey of my life. The lesson leaned on the part of life. Hamid was walking and thinking.

Yes this tree, this tree is the best place to start with. Natural environment always good for writing. I have my laptop with me. Let me start the journey. At least i should write the name of article. I will finish it later. Let us inaugurate the carrier. No i have to pray my Goddess, the Goddess Saraswati, always auspicious on the occasion something related to education. I remember how my father managed to get the image of Saraswati in my child hood. I still remember my worship was granted and I got the good education. Thanks Saraswati Goddess (ek bar prem se bolo saraswati mata ki jay).

Now teaching carrier is over now i have to start my job carrier. Job after teaching. A carrier for myself, a carrier of writing, a auspicious carrier, “saying all this Hamid put his bag on the ground. He saw the earth below the tree. Grassy earth.

He took the name of Goddess Saraswati and tried to clean the surface. He downed his hand below on the ground. He lowered his finger and a object obstacle his finger. He looked the object, it was a died crow. He took the crow in his hand and saw the bone still some part easily visible. It is not crow some else bird. Must be a big bird. He said to himself. Was it an auspicious or inauspicious,”Hamid thought for a second.”

No, it is auspicious and hundred percent auspicious, initially i was in a mood to write only the name of the article i wrote the whole article only due to this dead crow God. I know this crow God is superior than Goddess Saraswati. I am thankful to our nature who not only provided me the relationship they also provided me the God. The crow God, the auspicious God. Thinking this entire he started the journey of life.

Talk

Talk

Amar – congratulation, you bought the new laptop.
Puskar – thanks Amar. Yes, I bought today itself. It is of $650.
Amar – what is the configuration?
Puskar – 80GB hard disk and 512 MB RAM.
Sushan – Nice, Puskar, good laptop, looking nice. How is the speed?
Puskar – Not bad. I mean it is running properly.
Amar – or, Puskar, you bought new laptop. You became first person of our hostel , who has a laptop and digital camera both. You are an advanced person. You are living in the technological age. You became technocrat.
Puskar – oh, sir, why you are pulling my leg? It is simple. These days every body has laptop. Laptops are cheap.

Amar – No man, you are the great guy. You have laptop, now you watch whatever you want, email what ever you wish, chat to your beloved. Now your all fingers are in butter man. Enjoy the life. Now world is yours. Remain in the room world connected.

Puskar disconnected the mail window open in the browser. He is afraid that the next turn is of the emails. He has a lot of email from girls. Some are from her sister, but who cares? Who pays attention whether those are his sisters name or of his beloved email. They want pleasure, pleasure of pulling leg, pleasure of making fun. Who cares about other mental condition? What the pulled guy is feeling or what he is thinking does not matters at all. They have to enjoy, they laughed, that’s it, laughed the purpose is solved. Puskar don’t want to talk to these guys. But how can he say directly please leave my room. I want to remain alone. I have some work. No he will not going to say anything. He has to live in the society. He has to accept all this. He will not care what other says.

He knows he is good, that’s it. What other think about him or other says it does not matters to him. He is good guy in his eye. That’s it.

Puskar (tried to change the topic of conversation )– hey Amar what happened to exam.
Amar – shoot the result of exam. Your laptop is nice friend. You became global. What a nice laptop. Are you going to present this laptop to your girl friend?
Puskar – hey Amar,I don’t have any girl friend man. I am single and might be remain single whole life.
Susaan – you will remain single, impossible. Have a bet with me. I know you will marry first among all of us.

Puskar wanted to tell story of his broken heart. But he knows there is no need to tell anything to these guys. They will not understand at all. How he is feeling from his inside it is only he knows. He is just acting to the outer world. But he knows how deeply he is crying? And these guys trying to make fun out of a weeping guy, what a fate.
Let them make fun, i don’t care, since every body is making me fool then let us one more. Enjoy them. They will feel better.
Susan – hey Puskar are you going tomorrow to the wonderland trip?
Puskar – yes, i am going.
Amar – hey, susan why you ask to this ‘keeper’, he must be going.
Pusakar – hey Amar what is the meaning of Keeper. I am weak in English.
Amar – Nothing, just.
Pusakar – ok let me find it on the internet; let me inaugurate my laptop with google search word “keeper.”
Sussan – No, online dictionary will not give any result; search in urban dictionary.
Puskar – let me search. It is something like slang. Yes, he got it six entries are there for word keeper. It seems very familiar slang. The first entry Keeper –related to sarcastic.
Susaan – no this one is not go to next.

Puskar (now he has a slight idea it must be related to some bad word) – the second entry – related to stealing no it cant be, third entry – related to object it must not be. The sixth entry- The true leecher of xpire yes, this relates to some extent. Is i am leecher? Leecher a bad word, i think. But why they are saying me leacher? I am not so bad. I talk a lot only to make them laugh, and to feel myself good. Is it bad. Is i am leeacher. Hey suusan why you say me leecher.

Sussan – don’t take it other way. You don’t have to feel bad.
Pusakr – why you say me leecher, i am not leecher. I don’t like your attitude towards me. i felt bad. I am sorry to say.
Susaan – hey Amar let us leave his room. he is trying to make himself Keeper.
Puskar still don’t have the point, what is the meaning of word keeper. After leaving them he was looking in the dictionary and internet but not able find the meaning. His English is weak he knows. If his English is weak and every body knows then why these guys uses such a slang which can hurt some body.

It might be possible the word does not have bad meaning at all, but how Puskar will know that the word is good or bad. It is his friends responsibility that use good word and make others understand. If some how they used some slang which i don’t know in that case he should to explain. Who cares all this? Every body needs fun and joy.

Thinking all this Puskar worte an email of sorry to Suusaan and Amar. Please don’t take my words otherwise. I am sorry to behave badly in my room.
why you close the email window?

Amar – hey puskar we know every thing. We about your girl frinds. Don’t try to be sectret.
Puskar (tried to disconnecting the email browser open)- what are you hiding man. Secret mails. Mail of girls. Wow see alone.
Amar – now you are a big guy.
Puskar – no man, i broght just to do some work.
Amar – see, Sussan, Puskar is hiding his mails from us.
Sussan – don’t pull his leg.

Revenue

Revenue

We don’t need newspaper any more, close the press, “the chief editor of ” Chitralekha Times” ordered in outburst.” What happened sir? Why are you so much angry today, “the associate editor requested.”

Chief Editor replied in outburst – I am frustrated with editing career. The same news, the same story, the same advertisement from last fifty year.

The same naked body of Hullika ferawat, the same body building Kuleman khan, the same rape incidence to sensetilise people, same thief incidence, same politics, no change. Even I can tell which advertisement came at which page corner.

I remember clearly, when I started my career in journalism the advertisement of SunLight soap came on the back of front cover page. Even today the same add comes on the same place. No change. I am bored from managing all this advertisement.

But sir why you forget that these advertisements generate revenue, “the associate editor replied.” The chief editor scolded in outburst, “what do you think, I came here for revenue generation.” If I was having a hobby of revenue generation then I have joined Income tax revenue department. You are fool. Go and generate revenue leave me alone I will generate human value.

Fifty years ago, when I joined the “Chitralekha times” I dreamt that I will contribute a little too human value. But in last fifty year “Chtralekha Times” contributed a lot in my human value. I am frustrated with all this news. There is no need of this kind of sensitislizing news to the society.

We need something different. Something which can change the human value, “the chief editor replied.” There is nothing sir, which can change mentality of human, “associate editor replied.” The human value has already gone inside the drainage pipe due to all this movie actor and actress. And what ever is remaining is taken away by our news channel. They are showing everything which they don’t have to see. The same news 24X7 hours.

Chief Editor replied, “I am going to completely change our press.” The idea of our news paper is going to be completely different from today onwards. Call every body. Every member of press office came in the meeting hall.

The chief editor started his speech,” Dear my colleague, no not colleague, dear my sons and daughters, as you know I am working for this news paper from last fifty year. I have seen the childhood, teen, young and now old age of “Chitralekha times”. We tried our best to grow our Chtralekha and our Chitralekha community.

We published what ever Junta demanded. We got sufficient, money. In growing our press community, we become so much engrossed that we forgot the real community for which we are writing, from where we are getting all the revenue. This is not good at all. I say never forget the root.

If this goes continuing next two year then our “Chitralekha tree” is going to full of insects (deemak) and suddenly it will become so weak that its will fly away from its place in a small wind. That’s why I say first concentrate on roots. Make our roots stronger then what ever story you wish publish.

Old satge of Chitralekha has already came. What do you think is it the money which shows that quality of paper? No at all. It is the human value which shows the depth of news paper. I have seen the many pressing going through this cancerous stage, nobody survived after this sage.

All of you are enjoying, your kids are enjoying but you don’t see those kids are crying from where you are getting the news. You
Gets your payment because we advertise. And these advertisement are the by product of those stories. The storey of those poor children, the story of those crying woman, the story of those beggar which is highly paid by advertising company.

Have you ever thought about the life of those poor people? You get your payment on 31st of every month and goes to your house fora nice gift for your wife. God is looking everybody I say ‘Be careful.” Those stories are not your story. You only collect them from society and translate into words. That is only because you are educated. If everybody were educated then nobody has given you right to copy his copyright. Don’t think if they they are uneducated means that they don’t know their right.

Child learn every right he is in stomach of mother. Every one is Abhimanue in present e- Kaliyug. I say close all these sensational news from today itself. Now we will only publish story.

Only story which has moral values, and which has potential to change the society. The story which can awake our youths. And now about the revenue. Yes, revenue generated from advertisement will be distributed among the every character of story.

Even the last person who does not have potential to write will get his share. It is not our paper. It is paper of everybody. Do you all agree with me? Saying all this chief editor closed his speech.

A lady journalist came and asked,” sir every thing is fine but if revenue will be shared among all then we will get very few money.” And as you know I am pregnant I need money for my child. I have to pay for day care, I have to save for school, I have to buy toys and I have to make some weave sweater.

The chief editor replied angrily, “what do you think you are the only mother. Have you ever seen a mother giving birth a son without taking any help of medical? Here sitting below the AC Chamber you talk about day care and you generate revenue from writing a story of mother and her child working in a field in a hot sunny day.

Well, I give one day time you guys decide whether we need such a news paper or not. A news paper which can change the human value of every person. Once a human learn moral then there is no need of all these rape, tieves, killing will soon be over. And you will have a lot of space in the news paper to generate revenue.

Dedicated to: foot of chitralekha (hahhahaha

The Day.

The Day.

How will i live my life? Broken heart, no need to live the life. It is very difficult to live the life. Why i will live, for whom i will live, what is the meaning of life. No, No i will not die i have to live. What is my age, half life gone half is more. Only the half is more. Life goes with a very fast speed. Don’t worry at all. It will easily be gone. Ten years passes with such a speed that we don’t even know when it came and when it went. Start working on something, try to remain with friend, make somebody to laugh on your joke, do something by which you get pleasure, do

something which gives you entertainment.
But how i will live the life. It is difficult to live alone for thirty year. I will be bored. It is good that i will keep entertaining myself by doing something, by writing something, by making somebody happy. But i will know that all i am doing is just to make my self happy. I know that what ever i am doing is just for my pleasure. Ok i will work in the day, but what about night. Will i not feel alone? No, i got the idea i will read something. Reading will make me enjoyed. Reading also calls
sleep. And once i am slept i am happy. Sleeping is the best state of mind.

Get up in the morning and prepare for office. Keep busy your self. Leave office early, talk in the way with people. But why i will go for office what is the meaning of going office. What i will do there? I know i don’t have any desire to work, more correctly i started to hate work. I just want to work so that i get enough money to my survival. What about my parents. I respect them. I love them. I want to give them money, i want to give them happiness, but what can i do God made be broken heart. I am not in control of myself. Some outer world is controlling me. Hey God, why you made me broken heart? No, No, i have not did any misbehave in the previous birth. Then why God is taking revenge to me. It must be a mistake by God. He has to take revenge from somebody else in place of me.

Why not you go for sex? Enjoy some girls and make life colourful. I lost interest in sex. Sex is interesting till you have interest. People loose interest in sex because they are doing only with one person. I lost interest without doing even a single person. Hey, i am not in third category. When ever i saw a good girl i like them. But don’t felt good. Love and girl has gone out of my life.
I started every fresh day with a good mood but whole situation changed as soon as i started to brood. Why i am living, what is the point of living? I tried my best not to come these thinking but still coming. Bad things always comes to mind.

No, no i will not die. Dyeing is not a solution. It is better to do something rather than dying. I know i am heart broken. I am not only the one there are a lot. Every body is facing the same problem, how to survive every day of life. I will survive, i have to go, i have to go.